Unnecessary Worries

I am completely broke today. Mama and I aren't still talking, and I didn't ask money from her because I know she won't give me any and we might just end up yelling at each other. Yep, that's how bad things are weheneer we're in "World War".

So I went to school without a single cent, literally. Sheda, ang purita co ngayon!

I was worrying for so many things today. First, I don't have money. So how can I possibly go to Aica's house to have our body measurement taken for the SSG uniform? Then, there was the conflict between the Basil and I. I'm still feeling guilty, and I'm still embarrassed to face them. At hindi co alam kung paano nila aco pakikitunguhan.

But of course, I wouldn't let those stupid, petty conflicts defeat me. I've already been into LOTS of issues, but I am still standing. These are nothing compared to what I've been to, and I know there's a hell lot more to come.

So to sum it all, I went to school, carrying my gift to Remo. I had made the "special box" for him before going to school, btw. (I've made sure I used brown paper and ribbon for it. XD)

I saw Adrian and Arnold along with my other choirmates in the locker area. My cheeks were heating up; tension was curling up in my stomach. It was somewhat impersonal, the way Adrian told me that we're going to sing in A Capella because Sir Bay won't be around, though maybe he's just busy with his phone. Maybe it was just paranoia or something, but at the back of my mind was the nagging thought that they're mad at me.

There was a silent conflict inside me, a mixture of guilt and embarrassment and paranoia. After some few minutes of hesitating, I said, "Uy, Eday, sorry ah."

"O, bakit?" he asked, surprised.

"'Dun sa.. sa.. 'di ba nga late si Ayyah?"

"Anu ka ba, wala yun." He assured me, his tone was the don't-worry-it-doensn't-matter tone that I know.

"E kasi... kasi..." I choked, a lump of tears in my throat.

And then it just happened. The tears that I managed to held back the other day showed. I know I looked stupid, but I didn't bothered to wipe those tears. Attempting that would be futile; my tears couldn't be held back anymore.

"E kasi... kasalanan co naman talaga. Nakaka... ano kasi, kasi... wala na nga aco sa inyo, tapos... tapos... nagdadala pa rin aco ng malas sa inyo.

"Okay lang 'yun. OA lang talaga si Jesta 'nu. 'Lam mo naman 'yun."

Arnold assured me, too. Somehow, I felt better. Wala naman acong nakitang kaplastikan sa pang-aalo nila. Siguro naman mararamdaman co kung nagkukunwari lang silang may concern, but it sounded genuine.

I could feel my addiction is sucking me in again. I know--I could feel--that I couldn't kept the promise I made out of depression.

Maya-maya, Remo approached us, who was previously on stage practicing some dance steps with Aica. I hugged him tightly, and then gave him the box.

"Happy birthday ulit!" I greeted him. "Syempre, may laman 'yan. Pero nasa labas." Then, I took the plastic bag of the pillow I had bought in Clipper. At si Remo, tuwang-tuwa. Nakakatuwa yung reaction niya. At least, all of my efforts paid off. : )

"Thank you!" pasasalamat niya. Pero nahalata yatang umiyak aco dahil namumugto yung mata co kaya nagtanong. E aco naman si todo deny. ^^,

Sinabi co sa kanya na si Ayyah yung kasama co sa pagbili ng reglao co para sa kanya, kaya na-late si Ayyah nung Thursday. At ayun, in-okray pala niya. Kaya sabi niya, magso-sorry daw siya pagdating ni Ayyah.

Binasa na agad ni Remo yung birthday message co. By the way, the "special box" was actually a letter which contains my birthday message. At sabi niya, hindi naman daw totoo yung nasa 5th and 6th paragraph. I don't know, siguro nga. Sana nga.

Hindi na rin kami nag-practice dala ng katamaran. x)

Sila Adrian, Ablaya and Arnold ay umalis at pumunta sa gotohan para mag-merienda. And when they get back, may "surprise" daw sila na para sa batch namin. May kasama silang babae, nakatakip pa yung bag ni Eday sa mukha nung babae.

At si Rinnel pala yun! Dating choir si Rinnel at kaklase namen, pero lumipat siya sa school nung third year. Ang adik , ang ingay tuloy namin.

Pumunta na rin kami sa simbahan. Aica, Arnold, and Rinnel were with us in the choirbox. Ampness nga, ang gulo na naman ng kanta namin.

After the mass, nagkayayaaan na naman sa 7-eleven, our usual tambayan after choir. Pero puro kami walang pera. As in. Grabe. Ramdam na ramdam na talaga ang global financial crisis.

Umuwi na yung iba, pero pumunta pa rin kami kahit walang datung. Haha. Aco, si Eday, Ayyah, Remo, Arbu, Mae, and Aica ang magkakasama sa 7-eleven. Si kuya Kim na nakita namen after mass, sumama din sa'min. Si Ayyah ang bumili ng chitchira, tapos share-share na lang kami dun. Sila Mae naman, nilibre kami ng slurpee na maliit. Waw. Grabe, ang purita namen!!

Pero okay lang. Halakhakan ng halakhakan. Si Mae at Aica, may sariling mundo at mukang nagtu-"tour" sa 7-eleven. I was thinking of ways to earn money for the leadership training in Baguio, when out-of-the-blue, Adrian said this obsence suggestion.

(Censored 'to. HAHAHA! XD)

"********." He said out loud.

I stared at him for a nanosecond, tapos humagalpak ng tawa habang sinasabihan siya ng, "luko-luko". Tawanan kami ng tawanan. At dahil may sayad din aco, naki-ride naman aco sa suggestion niya.

"Oo, tapos ******!" sabi co.

Tawanan na naman. Yun pala, dahil napalakas yata ang boses ni Eday, narining ni kuyang crew ng 7-eleven yung usapan namen. Ah sh*t! NAKAKAHIYA!!

Pero actually, di naman talaga kami nahiya dahil wala kaming hiya. Nagtawanan na lang kami habang si kuya, iiling-iling na nakikitawa sa'min.

Halos 7:30 na rin kami nakauwi. Pero masaya naman. All of my worries vanished, they're now seemingly useless. : )