Happy-Sad Things

December 19


STC will gonna sing for the wedding mass today. And I am included with them. Yay! I haven't sung in a wedding mass before, and this is going to be my first. Yay! I've been really wanting to sing in a wedding mass since I got in a choir.

So I am going to sing a duet song with Kuya Paul. I played the song over and over again in YouTube to familiarize myself. I haven't really perfected the song yet. T___T But the song was really awesome. Yesterday, kuya Darwin said he fell in love with the song, and he's sure I'm gonna fall with it too. And I did.

I'm anxious because since day one, they've trusted me pretty much. I mean, they've been giving me "special part" in songs. I am not that good, I know that. I am way to far from what I wanted to be in terms of singing. I don't know if I deserve their trust. And besides, I carry Glee Club's name with me. Pfft. Maybe I am just pressuring myself.

And then, I'm anxious because... well, I'm just new and they've been really kind to me. Mikmik gives me compliments, as well as kuya Darwin. And... It's just bothersome because their aren't like that to other sopranos and altos. Urk. I can't really explain it. But do you get what I mean? I mean, I'm just afraid that I might unintentionally give them a bad impression about me, because I'm just new and I've been receiving compliments. Get that? I don't want them to have the intention that I am a "favorite". And I noticed that I didn't talk that much to the girls. I smile at them whenever my eyes catch theirs, but it was kuya Darwin, kuya Anton, kuya Paul, and Mikmik that I talk often. Gaah, I really find it hard communicating with other girls whose personality weren't same as mine, but I'm really trying.

Then, I'm worried because I might be overwhelmed with them that I might set wrong priorities. Yesterday, I moved our Glee Club practice because of the wedding mass today. I'm afraid I might forget other things, especially the Glee Club. Of course Glee Club would and should always be my first priority when it comes to this, but I am overwhelmed by them. I am afraid my Gle Club members would think that I am neglecting them for this.

Gaah. I'm just too anxious, I know, that I'm making unnecessary worries. This things will pass too, I wish.

Kuya Darwin said that we should be in the church by 2:30pm, but Mama wasn't around yet and Iverie won't have a companion at home. So I brought her with me in the church. While walking on our way to the church, kuya Darwin even texted me to ask where I am. Gah. I'm always late. ;___;

Mikmik wasn't able to attend the mass because he did some errand. Kuya Anton wasn't around. Kuya Paul was a bit late, though he was able to start the mass. Sayang nga e. I want to hear their trio of "Sa'yo Lamang".

I can't still quite get the tune of the song. There were still some notes I couldn't get, and I was a little off-tune. It was a bit okay when we sang it, but... it wasn't what I was expecting from myself. Again. I realized that my voice was really matinis--or maybe it was just the way I'd sung it that time--that the words that came out from my mouth were a bit not understandable. But kuya Darwin said it was okay. Like always. He always said that after my every "special part" on songs, and I don't know if he's just kidding or what.

But I decided to forgive myself. It wasn't awful naman. It was still okay, I was just lost at the end. And besides, I told myself that it is okay to commit mistakes during first times, and forgive yourself after that. Basta, next time would be better. :)

I borrowed kuya Darwin piano sheets so I could xerox them and give them to Jas. Kuya Darwin said sa'kin daw muna since he won't be using it pa. I took Iverie home, then hurriedly went back to school. They were practicing. Sir Bau was there. He seemed not angry anymore.

We went out at 5:30 to eat early dinner at chow3p. May mga pera, palibhasa kakakuha lang ng refund sa ESC. >:3

When we got back, nagpractice ulit kami. Mangangaroling kami mamaya, so we practiced Christmas songs. Naglalandian kami ng Ablay and I climbed on his shoulder. Tsk, ang childish ko talaga. Suddenly, I saw Mr. de Grato coming and he looked at our direction, and I panicked so I hurriedly went down. Eto namang si Ablay, nakalimutan yatang nakasamapa ako sa kanya. Muntik nang sumalpok ang mukha ko sa keyboard! I was literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Haha. Nagagawa ng kaharutan!

We went to the church later on. I barely listen to the mass because Eday and I were talking. Adrian opened up a thing that he had told me months ago. We were even almost crying while he was talking, and I sympathized with him. It was the second time he told me about this stuff, and I still feel the same thing about it. I always pray for him about this. Haay.

After the mass, I texted Mama about the carolling. Di naman na siya nagreply, but I still went on. We walked our way to Elvinda. Dun kasi sila nangaroling last year, and they got pretty much money. While walking, Ayyah and I locked our arms with Eday, and we made an "arc" with our free arm. Of course, it hardly look like an arc because my arms were so short it barely curved above Eday's head. Haha.

We got P500 from a house celebrating a party, and P300 on the house where they had the biggest amount last year. Haha. Then, we passed by Adrian's former adviser when he was in grade 6 kaya pinakain pa kami. Nakakahiya nga kasi pinakain na kami, bingyan pa kami ng P300 yata. All in all, we had PhP1, 476. We had P98 each. Fifteen kasi kami e. Malaki na rin ang nakuha namin. >:3

Anung oras na. It was nearly twelve at nasa Elvinda pa kami. Grabe. I never been out with friends this late. Adrian was worried that we might be scolded by our parents. E gala naman ang lalaking 'yon, at pinapayagan naman siya sa kanila na late nang umuwi. So kanya-kanyang assign ng maghahatid sa iba, lalo na sa mga babae. Si Remo ang maghahatid sa'ming mga taga-bayan. Eday was even like a father; he was telling us to text him as soon as we get home, and explain nicely to our parents.

Hinatid muna namin ni Remo si Jasmin, then si Mau. Then hinatid niya na ako sa'min. The TV was already off, and the door was shut. I opened the door with my key and Remo muttered a "Good evening po!" before leaving. It was exactly 12 o'clock. Grabe. I've never got home this late before. I went straight to bed, with the same clothes I wore throughout the day.

December 20

Upon waking up, I saw Adrian sent a message to me. He said that he cannot sing in Landayan anymore because he is so busy. although I'm a bit sad, I didn't dare to bug him. We had "heart-to-heart" talk yesterday, and eversince I became a non-star, I've been quite shy to bug him much because he's so busy. So I told him I'll just tell it to the STC choir.

Mama didn't got angry when I went home last night, and I thought it was over. It wasn't. She was angry with me the whole day. As in, suuuuper. I just won't tell about it that much, because it's really awful. So I wasn't able to attend the supposedly practice in Landayan for the mass tomorrow, and I gad to endure all of those at our house. >___<

December 21

I woke up early today for the 4am mass in Landayan. Kuya Anton said we should be there by 3am, so I woke up at 1am. It was sooo cold outside, and so dark, and a bit creepy. Last time I went to Landayan at this hour, I was with Eday. And now I'm going alone. I prayed upon boarding the tricycle, and waited for other passengers so I wouldn't be alone.

I thought we're gonna sing in the choir loft. But they were on the same spot we occupied last time. I gave the piano sheets to kuya Darwin and thanked him, and later on, he told us to go to the all-purpose hall upstairs for the vocalization.

Mikmik came later on, and he practiced the Psalm. Kuya Darwin composed a new tune, so this one's new to my ears. And it has high notes too. And Mikmik was really awesome at it. *A* Lalaking-lalaki nga ang boses e, so I was joking with him.

It was Bishop Leo Drona who celebrated the mass. When Mikmik's turn in the Psalm came, everyone was quiet. Grabe talaga. I must be gaping at him the whole time. Suuuuper! *A* I was grinning whenever he looks at our direction, and I fought the urge to clap at the end. GRABE TALAGA! Hanga na naman ako. *A*

He received lost of compliments after mass. When we went at the convent to eat breakfast, everyone was praising him. There was even one old woman who said that his voice is so "mamang-mama" (manly) na. While on the line for food, I whispered to him. "Uuy, mamang-mama (so manly) ka na daw. Baka naman mamang-mama (mother). Haha." XD

I don't know if Mikmik's real "identity" is known at their place. I mean, he acts the same way he acts in school. He has... "slash" friends. I don't know if he's really that already, but he and his family is popular in Landayan. They serve in Church. I think he coudl still be a real man in the future, though, but I'm not quite sure.

Mikmik showed as the... "sacristy" ba tawag dun. Bongga nga e. Handamehng pinto. Bwahaha. Kuya Darwin said that we'll go home together na lang, but we stayed at the Church muna. Joy, an alto (I think) in STC, took my number and I was glad because she seemed nice to me. Then, they (not only Mikmik, or kuya Anton, or kuya Paul only, but the others as well, even the girls) were inviting me to participate in the Christmas presentation (they're practicing and we're watching, btw), but I can't. Goodness, THEY'RE DANCING. And besides, Mama won't allow me to go to Landayan at Christmas eve. >.<

"Hanep ah, inaampon niyo na yata ako dito sa parokya niyo." I joked. But they look nice. I man, they're so active in the Church, and they look really nice. The girls are starting to talk with me too, which is good. And I'm starting to chat with people, and gain new friends.

And I think it's good. I really like it in there.

I asked kuya Darwin what time we're going to go home, and he invited me home na. We bid goodbye with a warm smile on my lips, because I feel comfortable with them already. Sa jeep kami sumakay ni kuya Darwin, so we have to walk on our way. I brought his piano sheets because he had his keyboard with him. We talked about random stuffs. Kuya Darwin was polite and nice, and I find it quite difficult to communicate with those kind of people. I mean, snay ako ng nakikipag-asaran at okrayan e. But we both give efforts to open a conversation everytime we have a chance to, though I was a bit "ilang" with him. Konti lang naman.

We went home, and I was happy. Because I'm beginning to gain new friends, while at the same time, serving Him with the way I love: singing. :)

Because Christmas is just a few days away

December 16

Mikmik invited me to sing in their Parish for the Simbang Gabi. Mass will start at 4am but they said that I should be in Landayan at 2:45am because I have to practice my solo, which I haven't perfected yet. But since Eday would be coming with me (because my Mom didn't allow me to travel to Landayan at that wee hour alone), I told them that we would be there at around 3am. Adrian's busy at school, and I didn't want to disturb him that much.

I woke up at 1am, 30 minutes earlier than my alarm. I was texting Eday but I didn't received a single reply. I was even calling him, but he didn't answer his phone.

I went to their house (which is just a few steps away from ours). Their door was still closed. I went inside their compound, and while the dogs were barking at me, I called for him. It was his grandma (I think), who opened the door. I asked her if Adrian was already awake, and then he called Eday and woke him up. Ayun, tulog pa pala siya. He went to the door and muttered a surprised and apologetic, "Ibyang!" with his hair still ruffled. I told him to take a bath already and I'll just wait outside their compound. It was about after 15-20 minutes when he went out and we strode to the tricycle terminal. We were the only passengers and I have to pay 35 pesos. Ako muna yung nagbayad para mapabilis kami.

We looked for the STC (St. Tarcisius' choir; Mikmik's choir). We're not going to sing at the choir loft, sa baba daw kami. They were in front, at the corner. There were seats reserved for us. JanJan was there too.

Kuya Paul was the one who sang the Psalm. So, I sang Simeon's Canticle at the Communion. My solo wasn't... that that I've expected. I mean, it's okay naman, but not what I was expecting from myself. I admit I was a bit disappointed. Naku, kasi e, it was so cold because it was just dawn, plus the aircon inside the church was open, and add the big electric fan which was turned to our direction. So I was sucking all the air and mouth was getting dry.

Of course, I know I shouldn't be blaming other things. Okay na din naman yung kanta. I just promised myself that I'm going to sing it better the next I have the chance.

We ate breakfast at the convent. Kuya Darwin was telling that next time, he wants a girl to sing the Psalm, and then, he's looking at me. I cast my eyes down. The heck. I don't like to sing the Psalm. Not until I am good enough to do it.

We rode a tricycle back to school. Maye's mother payed our fare. Haha.

Ang aga ko tuloy pumasok ngayon. Exam was okay. Math was a bit easy (haha. yabang!), through I was a bit confused at the last part.

December 17

Last day of classes for 2009. We didn't have a Christmas party. Because we're in a Catholic school, we're expected to be one of our brothers who had been affected by the typhoons. So Advent Mass lang ngayon, and other sections will just have simple party. Kami, wala. We're the only section in fourth year who wouldn't even have a simple Christmas party. Blame our ugh adviser. :(

I woke up at around 1am again and made our thesis for only about less than two hours. It wasn't still complete though. I attended the second Simbang Gabi with Louis. We saw Cha after mass. It was only 5:30 when the mass ended. We waited at the gate of Liceo, which wasn't still opened. Later, Kuya Guard let us in. Naawa yata sa'min. XD

We ate puto bumbong at plaza. I don't usually eat puto bumbong, unless someone invited me to. The first time I can remember that I ate it was last year, after the Simbang Gabi where we were the choir. It happened to be Eday's birthday too.

And I realized now that I tasted good. Yum yum! :)

I went home for a while to get my reindeer headband (which I got from Koleen). The six of us were supposed to wear that today, but Koleen wouldn't go to school today, kaya wala din. But I took it, still.

Louis and I, together with Alexa, waited for Jette and Steni at the gate. Alexa wore my reindeer headband. Haha. We waited for them for about an hour; it was almost 7am when they came.

I was still trying to finish the thesis. Dammit, our English teacher didn't even teach us how to do it. I bet other teachers would be laughing at us when they saw the theses our class made, because we just "invented" our own way to do it. DX

I went to Lea's classroom because she said she will give something from me. A Christmas gift! Yay! And guess what was it? A shirt! A yellow shirt (in case you didn't know yet, I hate the color yellow). She said she gave a red shorts to Adrian too (Adrian has "phobia" in red clothes, that's why he doesn't wear them). Naunahan niya nga ako e. I was planning to give him a red shirt on his birthday.

Even it was yellow, I really appreciate Lea's gift. Really. I think I'll wear it when I went to Eday's new house at Langgam on his birthday because I was planning to surprise him. :)

After a few minutes, I received a message from Eday telling that they were in the church already. Dalawa pala ang misa. So Ayyah and I hurriedly went to church. Good thing it wasn't starting yet.

I asked Ayyah to correct our thesis. I was planning to ask Mr. Luna to be our thesis adviser. I just can't approach him because he's really... intimidating. He seemed to held his head high whenever he walks. Pero kalog naman siya pag kami-kami. Kaso nahihiya talaga ako e.

So we had two masses. Arbu and I were the only one who sang the new recessional song because the others didn't know it, but I taught it to them so we all sang at the second mass.

After the mass, Sir Bautista indirectly scolded me about the Simbang Gabi. I agreed to Ate Beth that we will sing for the December 23 4am dawn mass kasi. Mr. Bau's voice was stern and I had to fight back the tears. Kasi, ayaw din siguro niyang tumugtog sa'min. I can notice it.

He went down after that and I talked to my members. JanJan, Sir's son, who told me it was okay to sing at the Simbang Gabi, was now telling me to cancel it. Of course I couldn't cancel it, because I've already agreed on it. On the other hand, before I agree on it, I asked them if they could come and they said yes. Tapos ngayon sinasabi nilang ipa-cancel na lang.

I'm close to tears. But at the back of my mind, I told myself that I wouldn't cancel it. Paninindigan ko to.

I talked to them as calmly as possible, and the tears just rolled down. I told them that we're not merely singers, but we serve to. That's our purpose in being a choir right? To serve Him through our voices. And as the president of the Glee Club, I wanted us to participate in the Church. I was always being scolded by the Music Ministry President during meetings because we barely participate in Church activities.

The former presidents had always been doing what Sir Bau says. I mean, the choir hardly changed since first year. We remained the way we were. And as this school year's president, I wanted to be the change. No kidding. I may sound corny, but I told them that. I've been trying to do changes. I'm trying to teach new songs, and attend meetings even I always got scolded. Because I wanted to do and leave something good to the Glee Club before I graduate. Before I leave. I don't want to be a president who just follow what our coordinator says; I wanted to take the initiative.

I told them that if they joined this club to earn extra-curricular grades, I'm not. I joined because I wanted to serve the Church. I wanted to serve Him. I told them that it's just one sacrifice we can do to him. To wake up early to sing for Him, no matter how far our houses were, or even there won't be public vehicles at that hour. If He sacrificed for us, why can't we? Birthday gift man lang namin sa Kanya.

I said all of it. I know I'm being corny, but I also know that what I'm saying is true. I know I may sound like a preaching priest, or a political candidate asking for votes, but I'm just saying what I feel. Gladly, they seemed to be... moved. Haha. I smiled at my corniness, and ask them who can come. The number grew, and we went down. And I was happy. I hope they'll really attend the dawn mass at December 23. :)

Uwian na pagkabalik ko sa school. Well, yung section lang namin, kasi wala naman kaming party. Karen gave me a gift and I warmly thanked her. It was a coin purse. Haha.

I went to Gregory's room and told Mikmik that I could probably come tomorrow for the mass. Mr. Luna told me that there is a mass for the APTA at 3pm later. He seemed approachable so I asked him if he could be our thesis adviser.

"Naku, ang dami ko nang hawak." He told me. I pouted a little. "Pero bigay mo na lang sa'kin mamaya."

I beamed and told him I'll just put it in his table later.

Catherine was inviting me to go with them at Festi, but I told them I can't. Magco-choir pa kami mamaya e. So I went home and slept and did our thesis. When I got back to school, magsisimula na ang mass. Puro Basil nga lang e, who just came from their "shooting" for their Arts project. Walang Peter, nasa party. Sabi nila makaka-attend sila.

Nag-stay pa ako sa school after mass because I need to get Koleen's USB from Mrs. Cacao, and have my TLE project checked. I placed our thesis at Mr. Luna's table. Kulang pa nga yun kasi wala yung history ng Liceo. Wala, revised din yun. Haha.

Basil was making their advertisement. Ang kulit nga e. We didn't ate after mass dahil nga sa advertisement nila, but Ayyah's mother brought food for us. I even talked to her mom and asked her to allow Ayyah to sing on 23. She agreed, and Ayyah was so happy.

I went home after I got Koleen's USB and had my project checked, and greeted the teachers a merry Christmas. Hay, next year ko na ulit sila makikita.

December 18

Dang, I wasn't able to wake up for the Simbang Gabi. 6am na ko nagising. Wala na, di ko na kumpleto.

Mama allowed me to sing in Landayan for the 3pm mass. Hindi rin naman siguro counted sa "Simbang Gabi" kahit magsimba pa ako ngayon.

Eday wasn't with me because they moved to Langgam today. I texted JanJan but I doubt if he received it. So after I got my ESC scholarship paper at the registrar, I went alone to Landayan. I was a bit early. Mikmik said that I'm gonna sing tomorrow for the wedding mass at 3pm in Bayan. Duet daw kami ni JanJan.

I told him that we're gonna have practice tomorrow in Glee Club at 3pm. But I wanted to sing for the wedding mass too. I haven't sing for a wedding before. So after contemplating about it, and consulted Arsie, I moved the practice to 4pm. Tutal 7pm pa naman ang mass.

"Naku, bigay kayo ng bigay sa'kin ng mga kanta e." I mildly complained. Though I like it naman. I mean, I wanted to serve, and I like what I am doing, so it's okay. Kaso, syempre, baka kasi may masabi yung ibang mga members na babae. Okay naman sila Kuya Paul (their President), and Kuya Anton, but I wasn't that close with the girls (like always).

Kuya Darwin made me sing Simeon's Canticle at one part of the mass. I'm glad I was able to sing it well now. Haha.

After that, we had practice for the wedding mass tomorrow. Di dumating si JanJan, so si kuya Paul yung kaduet ko. His voice is so good, so manly, pero... tagilid kasi yun e. Haha.

Mikmik, Kuya Anton, and Kuya Paul sang "Sa'yo Lamang". "Masterpiece" daw nila yun. Grabe. While they were singing, I was having goosebumps. They repeated the chorus for 8 times, and each time they repeat, kuya Darwin transpose the notes higher. GRAAABEEE talaga. I was close to tears. I mean, sa sobrang ganda ng pagkakakanta nila, kikilabutan ka talaga. Grabe, I was squeal. SUPEEEER!

It was dark when we decided to go home. Sabay kaming umuwi ng Kuya Darwin and we talked about random things about the choir on our way. I bet Nicakim is dying to be in my place. >:D

6 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!~ YAY

I'll move. Really.

I'll be moving to Wordpress. Really. This is my final decision.





...I think.

The other day, Mama scolded me again (there is nothing new since this always happen). Whenever she scold me about being so busy I can barely help at home (which is true), she always include that, "Buti pa yung blog mo naa-update mo. Blah. Blah. Blah." She said that again the last time she scolded me again. And she mentioned my blog again. And then... she said something about the things I posted in blog.

Which means only one thing: She's actually reading THIS blog. Dammit.

You may wonder why I am making such fuzz about this matter. Gawsh, I don't want my mom to know stuffs like this. I guess you know what I mean.

But this night, I learned about Ariane's new blog, and saw her awesome layout. I visited other blogs too. And seeing those customizable layouts... made me have second thoughts again. DX I was really resolved to move to Wordpress, until tonight. Gawd. I am really tempted to stay in Blogger.

But I need to move to Wordpress. I should move to Wordpress. You see, I'm craving for little privacy lately.

I don't know. Maybe I'll try using Wordpress first, and if I'm not happy with it, I'll go back to Blogger again.


I don't know who am I convincing with this post, the readers or myself? Hahaha. LOL.

Me ish feeling awesome

I sang in Sto. Sepulcro Church in Landayan today for the 3pm mass. Mikmik was inviting me a long time ago because they're lacking soprano due to the storms that passed the country. Inanod daw ng baha mga members nila. LOL.

I found time to sing today. I really wanted to be a member of a real church-choir (since the Glee Club is just a school choir). Sabi ni Mik susunduin niya daw ako sa Kodak ng 2PM sharp, kaso nalate ako ng ilang minutes. We saw kuya Darwin and we rode a tricycle to Landayan. Yes, Mikmik payed my fare. Haha.

While on the tricycle, nagkwentuhan kami ni Mik, mostly about Sir Luna. Tapos binaba lang halos namin yung keyboard na dala ni kuya Darwin sa bahay nila, then we went to the Church. Sosyal nga e, de aircon. We went up to the choirbox through the frightening spiral staircase. At bongga ang choirbox nila, ang laki! May mga pews pa. Wala lang, nabonggahan lang ako kasi di ganun yung choirbox sa bayan e.

Di ako kumanta sa ibang kanta dahil hindi ko alam yun. Pero pag alam ko, sumasabay ako. Medyo naiilang pa akong lakasan yung boses ko kasi ang hina kumanta ng mga babae (halos 3 lang kami), sapaw nga ng mga boys. E baka sabihin naman nananapaw ako. Pero pinalapit pa ako ni Kuya Darwin sa mic e. Mikmik told me after mass na ganun daw talaga ang mga girls nila, nabulong, so okay lang na medyo lakasan ko.

Pinad-merienda pa kami sa may kumbento after mass. Sosyal. Ganun daw talaga dun. Tapos nagpractice kami sa may multi-purpose hall sa third floor. Dumating na rin si Bau at tinanong ako tungkol sa Liceo night dahil nga dapat ampon din siya ng Basil. Nagkukwentuhan pa nga sila ni kuya Dar na dapat sila nanalo. Bah, pinagtanggol ko ang Basil ah!

Santo at Balang araw yung pinractice namin. Galing nung boys nila. Pero nahihirapan talaga yung girls. I feel awesome because I received unspoken compliments from them. Pano daw kasi, dati, soprano ang nasasapawan ng boys, pero ngayon, sapaw na daw ng soprano. Dalawa lang kami e. Haha. Tapos umuwi pa yung isang soprano nung nagpapractice na ng Balang Araw, ako na lang. Super taas pa ng nota, buti nasa kondisyon ang boses ko at abot ko. Haha.

Na-excite tuloy akong kumanta sa Simbang Gabi nila sa 16. Dapat umattend si Eday dahil sabi ni Mama, di niya daw ako papapuntahin kung hindi ako susunduin ni Eday. The heck.

--

Next time na yung post ko about sa birthday ko and Liceo night. Pagod na ko e.

Recollection Day

Yesterday, we had our recollection. I wore my lolita shoes and everyone's like wow-ing with it. Haha. >:)

This year's recollection wasn't that awesome; there was no crying and stuffs unlike in the past year. I was wishing that Bro. Edo, our Junior Glee Club adviser who is now in Liceo de Calamba, to be the one to "talk" to us, but it was Bro. Baldemor instead.

We were bored the whole day. As usual, the class was formed into "groups". There are six "groups" in our class, for me. Karen's group, Jorvina's, Eirish's, Cha's, the boys' group, and our group (which is me, Jette, Steni, Koleen, and Jayson).

Because we were bored and really getting sleepy, we did nonsense and stupid things. We barely listen to Bro. Baldemor. Haha. We're baaad. >:P

The only "highlight" to the recollection was the message for the classmates. And it turned out to be like an open forum. Nicakim and Ruiz cried. The kept irritation to one another was said. We lacked cooperation and unity, I noticed. In class activities, they just rely on somebody and won't exert effort. Bahala na. We do things on the last minute. And we won't listen to each other. Mapuputol na lang ang litid mo kakasaway, pero walang mananahimik.

And then, there was the "groupings". I told you our class was composed of groups. It is not really bad to have a group where you belong, but what's ugly with it is we don't mingle with the others. We stay on our group, and that's the root of lack of cooperation. Because we don't open up with the others.

Our "group" was mentioned two times. We don't mingle with the others, they say. I don't know. For me, we talk and laugh with the others as well. Except for Eirish's and Jorvina's group, because... I don't feel like talking to them that much. They have... attitudes, and they're personalities don't fit mine. And you cannot force me to talk and mingle with the people whose personalities don't click with mine.

There was not a single day in the class that no one bitched out with the other. Everyday's always a laughing day, but beneath it all, somebody would always say something bad with each other. I witness it. Even I do some bitching too.

There were some people in the class that I sort of pity. There were some of my classmates that were always... hated and dislike and bullied.

We said sorry to each other afterwards. If I were to be asked, I would like a real open forum so things would be cleared up. I know there would still be bitches and jerks after this. I know it. It's not over. We'll just be back to our old selves again.

After the recollection, we had mass. I was the only choir in there since the first four section had their recollection last week. So I sang in solo. It was okay, except that I sang the offertory song instead the Kordero.

Me: "Bawat huni ng ibon, sa pagdampi--"
Bro. Baldemor: *whispers* Kordero, kordero..
Me: *startled a bit *"Kordero ng Diyos na nag-aalis.."

LOL. I was grinning with myself while singing. But honestly, I didn't feel nervous or embarrassed. Just a little amused with myself. Yan ang nagagawa ng makapal ang mukha! XD

We went to the Main Building afterwards. I immediately looked for the Glee Club. I found them in the Music room and they were only a few of them. And there were only few of them. They just started practicing, and they only practiced one song. I was really irked. The Basil told me they couldn't attend the morning practice because they'll have to practice for Songfest. Bau said the Peter went to a birthday party.

They went on singing some other unnecessary song. I was telling them we have enough time to learn the recessional song but they told me to just sing it next Saturday. Mr. Bautista wasn't around either.

I feel really, really annoyed. I was starting to have a long face. When we were about to go to the church, the others went on and I waited for Ayyah to but snacks. And I was telling her how annoyed I am. And then, stupid tears started to streak on my cheeks.

I was so annoyed. I am so annoyed with the my classmates, with the choir, with my friends, with every people around me. I know it's stupid to be annoyed like that, but I can't help it. It seemed that I always give efforts, doing everything to do my best in everything, and yet people don't appreciate a thing. People rely on me, making me do all the work, but they get the credits afterwards.

I am annoyed with my classmate because they don't cooperate. In activities, they share with my grades that I've worked on. I couldn't just lie down because I want the best, but I couldn't get anything from these people. But in the end, when things turned out wrong, I get all the blame. I would hear hurtful things. I was the wrong one, the stupid one.

I am annoyed with the Glee Club because they seem to join the choir to be excused from class. Para magpasikat sa iba. But I couldn't feel that we're serving. They, or we (I would include myself here), attend the mass so they could be exempted from their household duties. But who are we serving in here? It is all for Him, for HIM. But I bet he doesn't feel the love and the passion in our songs at all.

I am annoyed with myself because I was too plain stupid. For doing all these. For not being able to be like them who just sit and let things the way there are. For giving and giving despite all the pain it cause me.

It was really a recollection day. Because I realize how people treat me, how I treat myself. We're all bitches and jerks, I know, and those bitches and jerks continue to destroy each other.

This is definitely not my day

I knew from the beginning that there would be something wrong this day. I felt it, I felt it the instant that I woke up.

Saturday. I woke up early because we have a choir practice at 8AM for "Harana ni Maria". That's a presentation of every choir in our parish later at 7PM. I sent GM to my contacts and reminded the Glee Club about our practice, and I got to text with Eday and Arsie while washing the dishes.

I was kinda late for the practice because of texting. It was already 8:15 when I reached school. They were still few, though. The CAT officers were at the school quadrangle for the training and I immediately gave the garrison belt buckle to Lea that I borrowed to her when I had our CAT class.

When I saw Jette, he instantly pointed to Steni. Having a low pick-up, I wondered why he was doing that. Then I remembered about Jayson's Visual Basic CD (he asked for a burned copy from our Computer teacher) that Steni borrowed. Sabi co kasi, ipahiram niya na agad kay Jette yung CD para ngayong sabado, ako na yung makakakuha kasi hindi naman na kami magkikita ng sembreak. Kinukulit co nga sila dun e.

Steni smiled--a sheepish smile--and then ran away. I chase after her (LOL. My small limbs versus her long ones). Naabutan co siya at nacorner, at sinabi niya nakalimutan niyang wala sa kanya ang CD dalhin.

"Tanong mo pa kay Jette!"

"Kasabwat mo siya e!" I accused her jokingly. Trip na kasi namin ang "um-acting", at baka nanti-trip na naman siya.

"Hindi. Pramis! Di aco na-acting ngayon."

Matapos siyang kulit-kulitin, tinantanan co na rin si Steni, pero pabiro pa rin akong nagpaparinig.

At habang naghihintay sa ibang choir, nagkukwentuhan kami. Hanggang ang kwentuhan ay nauwi sa asaran at okrayan. I wasn't really feeling good for teasing, so just shut my mouth and occasionally grin whenever I need to.

The others came. Lea told me that they would just eat merienda. She even invited me with them but I refuse because they were all CAT officers and I might not catch up with them. After some time, when my choirmates finished buying and eating their food, I told them that we'll practice. Vocalization, kaysa naman nakatunganga lang kami dahil wala pa si Sir.

So I initiate the vocalization. I wasn't really feeling good. Well, not physically, but it's just I seemed to be not in the mood. I pointed the Tenor (which was Arbu and Eday) for a part of vocalization, and the note seemed to be too high for them. Their voice faltered, then they laugh. I wasn't in the mood to laugh with them. I made them repeat it, and then they laughed again. Most especially Eday. And I knew I was loosing it. I'm close to my boiling point.

They seemed to notice it too, for everyone kept quiet. Well, almost everyone. Adrian was still erupting into silent giggles.

"Ano ba yan?" I said in a stern voice, in the most calm voice I could manage that time. "Ulit." I told them. When it was tenor's part again, nagtawanan na naman sila.

I shut my mouth up. I stared blankly at nothing. I could feel it, I could feel the annoyance building up inside me. The anger. The anger for them and for myself. Through my silence, they tried getting the note again, but I know they're not serious. Adrian's still giggling. I heard Remo said, "Tama na, Eday."

"Magaling na ba kayo?" I said, my jaws clencing. "Magaling na ba kayo?!" The girls muttered a low "hindi".

"Akala niyo kasi ang gagaling niyo na eh! Tawanan ng tawanan, di bale sana kung magaganda ang boses. Yan ang mahirao sa inyo e, wala kayong respeto." I said something more, and I couldn't help the tears. Shit. That really made me annoyed to myself. I hate crying in this kind of occasion. I hate crying when I am the "authority" because I seem to be... weak. Because it seems that I could handle these kind of things. I really hate it. Pero wala, mababaw talaga ang luha ko. I cannot hold it back.

"Bastos!" I yelled angrily before more tears could come, and turned back at them to walk away. The first place I went is PEAC. This has always been my refuge, my sanctuary.

I maybe made a fuzz over nothing. That was maybe a really little thing. But for me, it's not. It's a big deal. Because Eday was involved. My friends were involved. The people I love and cherish and regarded as important. I just cannot accept that the people I love were the ones who hurt me, the people I cherish were disrespect me.

Everything's just too unfair! Sa SSG, sa Gatekeeper, I know everyone look down at me. Everyone regarded me as the "weakest link". "Walang silbi", someone jokingly told me one time. For them, I'm just a shitass loser.

But haven't I proven myself yet? Haven't I done all the things that I could do? Were my efforts not enough? Dammit. If they don't want me, I don't want them either!

Bebe texted me, saying sorry several times. I went back home. Siguro pa-epal lang talaga aco, but I was waiting for them to apologize. Especially Eday. They could easily reach me; they could text me or go to my house. Pero wala. Which means patigasan kami. Bahala sila.

Pero hindi ako nakatiis. I texted Lea to ask what they are doing. Nandun na daw si Sir Bautista and their practicing. Darn.

Pinadaan co si Ayyah sa bahay so we could come to school together. I was wearing a serious face when I got there. May bago ngang kanta, and I didn't know it. I didn't care to ask. Hindi co sila pinapansin, tutal hindi rin naman nila ako pinapansin. Alde was the first one to talk to me, pero hindi rin ako masyadong nagsasalita. Mr. Bautista asked me why I wasn't around in the morning, and I told him that I had been in school, but I went home.

Darn. I wanted to swear.

Medyo um-okay na ako maya-maya. Pero di pa rin ako masyadong namamansin. We were late for the mass because we practiced pa. Wala tuloy opening mass. Hindi dun sa usual na pwesto umupo sila Eday at Remo, which is just beside me. They sat on the other corner. Hn.

We went back to school after mass. My head was aching. We were given sandwiches, merienda daw namin. Galing yata kay Ms. Rasdas. We went back to church at 7pm.

I noticed that Remo wasn't talking to me too. Si Eday, we're ignoring each other pa rin. I was just worried because since Eday was involved, Ginnique would be involved too. And my other affiliations as well, which are mostly the same as Eday's. So great, everything's ruined.

Pero pinansin ako ni Remo nung may pinapasabi sa'kin. Which is a good sign.

Kinabahan kami nung kumanta yung unang choir. Sheda, ang galing. Nung turn na namin, may mga sablay. It wasn't that good. But it wasn't that shameful either. I jokingly told them that if we failed at this, I won't attend in any meeting in the Music Ministry na. Pero makaka-aattend pa naman ako. :)

I was surprised when the next choir started to sing and my choirmates suddenly stood up. I thought na pinapauwi na kami ni Sir. Kakain lang daw pala dun sa may Parish Hall. Nainis ako. Bakit nung kami naman ang kumakanta, wala naman biglang umalis ah. At isang batalyon pa kaming nagtayuan. I stayed, with Ayyah and Mae. We finished the song.

Naiinis ako. Ayan ang problema sa choir e. Mga walang respeto! Imagine, kami kaya ang ganunin, for sure maiinis kaming lahat. At umalis sila dahil sa pagkain! Samantalang walang ibang choir na gumawa nun. Di bale sana kung napakakagaling namin e. Napaghahalataang mga PG!

When the song ended, I approached my choirmates. I was really annoyed. At sinermunan co sila. They tried to reason out, and they said Sir Bau was the one who told them to go. Para namang walang mga utak, nasan kaya mga manners nila! Naturingang galing kami sa Catholic school. But when Sir Bau was the one who talked to me, napilitan akong mag-okay. Gaah.

Hindi na ako nag-merienda. Lamunin nila yon. Ayyah and I went back to church and I out of the sudden, I ranted. Nagsabi talaga ako ng mga sama ng loob ko. And I cried. After that, I felt better. Bahala na sila sa buhay nila. Bakit ko ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw naman sa'kin? I was blinded by my love for those people because they're important to me, but they're hurting me over and over again. If they don't want me, fine! May mga tao naman na handang tanggapin kung sino at ano ako. My world doesn't revolve around them anymore. They're still important to me, I admit, pero dapat siguro na magising na ako. Parati na lang ako ang kawawa sa kanila, maybe it's time to let go of the things that are hurting you already.

When I went back home, mugto pa rin mata co. And I realize that bangs are really helpful. XD

Grades and Headaches

Cards' Giving Day

Thursday (October 1) was our not-so-expected cards' giving day. It was supposedly on Monday, but since classes was suspended, it was moved.

It wasn't that exciting or dreadful. I mean, we didn't really expect that our cards would be given that day, so we have no time to be excited or to dread.

The Top 10 honors of the star sections were announced before our cards were given. Adrian wasn't around because of TOBS and because Dizon always saying he is Adrian's "twin", Mrs. Suinan jokingly called him to be Eday's proxy. We were all laughing over that loudly that I got a special mention from Sir Cejero over the microphone. Ugh. Palibhasa ako yung kitang-kita kaya ako lang ang nasita e. @_@

After the announcement of the star sections' top 10, we back to our room. After some minutes of waiting, Mr. Dela Torre distributed our card. Really, I wasn't that nervous, just a little anxious about my grades, especially in Math and Physics.

Almost everyone got a low grade in English. Well, it was expected, because Mrs. Lopena was really mad with us at the first quarter (though I must say she’s changing, huh? Ü). Jette and Jayson’s grades were okay, as well as Steni’s. So when my turn came to get my card, I didn’t look at it right away and waited until I reached my seat. When I finally looked at it, I flashed a grin because I got somewhat good grades. My lowest was EP (84), and I was contented with the rest.

Until Jayson borrowed my card to look at the grades. And he said that my Physics was 81. 81!? WTF!? I though he was joking or what so I immediately grabbed my report card from him. And the grade I saw in my Physics really weakened me.

Science: 81

Really, I didn’t know what I happened on my grade in Physics. My monthly exam was okay; I think I was the highest or one of the highest on that. And although I didn’t get high score in my quarterly exam, it wasn’t that low either. I always recite too, and my quizzes were, well, okay. The only setback was my notebook, which I passed late, and my seatworks (I think), which I barely seriously do.

Wala, break the record ako. Last year, I got my lowest ever since I started schooling, and that was in my Geometry under Ms. Macasaddu. 82. Now, I got an even lower grade than that. Physics: 81.

Pero hindi naman ako ganun “nagdamdam” dun. I mean, Mrs. Suinan is really an awesome teacher. Really, she’s one of my favorites. And I know that the grade she had given to me was the grade she thinks that I deserve. Kung siguro e hindi siya magaling magturo o mainit ang ulo niya sa’kin, magrereklamo pa ako. Pero wala naman akong maiaangal sa kanya. I learned many things from her, and she treats me nicely. Sabi ko nga, okay lang yun. Kasi, aanhin ko naman ang mataas na grade na alam ko naman wala akong natutunan di ba?

So, this was my grade for the First Quarter:

Religion IV: 91
Filipino IV: 89
English IV: 87
Mathematics: 87
Science IV: 81
MAKABAYAN: 88
AP IV: 87
TLE IV: 89
MAPEH: 90
EP IV: 84
CAT: Passed
Computer IV: 88

It wasn’t that high. I got only two line of 9. T_T I was surprised to get an 87 in Math; I was expecting 84 or 85. I think I was the highest in English since Jayson and the others got 83 or something in it. Most of my grades were line of eight, but I was pretty much contented with it. Para sa’kin, okay lang na hindi kataasan ang grade ko ng First Quarter, kaysa naman bumulusok the next quarters. At least, tataas o maintain na lang ang grades ko.

On our EP time, the top 10 were announced. Jayson was the fourth, I was the third, Steni was the second, and Jette was the first. Todo kantyaw nga kami kay Jette e. He got an average of 89 something. Ako 88 point something; points lang din ang nilaman ni Steni.

Actually, saying talaga yun si Jette. Magaling naman, napakamahiyain lang at hindi nagrerecite. Sayang lang tuloy ang grade. Kahit alam niya, hindi siya sumasagot o masyadong nagpapartcipate sa klase. Kaya nga parati kong nakakatyawan e.

Okay lang naman ang ranking ko sa klase. I was really after good grades, not good rank. Kahit naman mababa ang ranking ko, basta maayos ang grade ko, ayos lang. Naku, yung Science lang talaga humatak sa grades ko e! Super pull! Pero okay lang, si Mrs. Suinan naman yun e. Bawi na lang siguro ako. c:

First Friday Mass and English Month’s Culminating Activity

As usual, we served at the choir for the mass. I didn’t eat breakfast, and my head was throbbing a little when I got to school. Actually, rosary pa lang medyo nahihilo na ako.

Ang echos nga kasi nag-solo pa ako sa isang kanta sa first mass kaya nakantyawan pa ako ng mga kaklase ko nung bumalik ako sa room para magbihis. Culminating activity din kasi sa English e. When the second mass started, my head really hurts. My surrounding was spinning and I was feeling dizzy kaya napaupo ako. Hindi na ulit ako nakatayo kasi sobrang nahihilo na ako. Na-touch naman ako because my choirmates showed concern to me. Umalalay na lang ako sa kanila. Inalalayan pa ako ni Ablay at Remo papuntang school.

Nagsimula na kaming mag-ayos for the culminating activity. I was even somewhat irked inside kasi parang ako lang talaga yung officer na gumagalaw during the whole month. Nakakaasar kaya. Parati na lang ako yung gumagawa ng paraan. I’m not implying something here, nabu-bwisit lang talaga ako.

Pagkatapos ng culminating activity at around 3 o’clock, in-announced na tuloy ang Field Trip Monday. Ugh. Nag-uwian ng maaga, pero sabi k okay Ayyah punta kami sa kanila. Sumama din si Lea. We watched the movie ‘Up’. Umuwi rin ng maaga si Lea, at sumunod na rin ako after a few minutes kaya hindi na rin naming natapos yung pinapanood. I just borrowed the DVD.

Ang daya pa nga ng driver ng jeep na nasakyan ko pag-uwi, hanggang sa boundary lang ako binaba. Kadugaan e. At dahil sinumpong ako ng kakuriputan, nilakad ko na lang paauwi sa’min. Haha.

Internet-deprived Days and Schoolworks

Great. So internet-deprived days had started again. Monitor cable is being hidden so I can't use the computer even I have something important to do. Take note, it's the monitor cable now, not the internet cord unlike before. Level up! x(

So because I'm being deprived from using the internet, even the computer, I'm gonna squeeze in the things that happened to me in this week in this post.

September 12, Saturday. We had a meeting for our parish's Music Ministry. Because I am the LDSP Glee Club president, I had to attend the meeting. My vice-presidents weren't available on that day so I asked Arbu to come with me instead. It was even Arbu's 15th birthday that that.

We attended the 5:15 mass before the meeting. Since it was the second Saturday of the week, we weren't the choir for the mass. The meeting was supposed to start at 7 o'clock, but we waited for more than an hour because their was some other church org using the parish hall. So the meeting started at past 8pm and ended at past 9, so when I got home, my mother was in the act of going out of the gate, probably to fetch me. Ans she was fuming with anger as soon as we were inside.

She was mad because (1) I came home late, and (2) she called Arsie and she learned the we weren't the choir every second Saturday of the moth and I didn't tell her that. But, hey! I have reasons for that. (1) It wasn't my fault if the meeting started and ended very late, and (2) I didn't feel the need to tell her about that because I hear mass during second Saturdays and went out of the house and went home early. Okay, so maybe reason number two wasn't that acceptable. But even I had reasons, she didn't and won't listen to me anyway, and I got a really awful scolding.

I was waiting for Monday because I honestly don't like weekends. Or maybe more properly said, I don't like being at the house. I just become nervous and gloomy and depressed and annoyed whenever I am in the house because of Mama's unreasonable scoldings. So I like it whenever I am in the school or when there is an activity I have to do during no-classes days. Sounds rebellious, I know. But I love school a lot times better.

So Monday (September 14) was heaven for me. "October" devotion had started and St. Basil was the section that led the rosary that day. It was supposed to start on October, and I don't know why it started this early.

In our English time, Mrs. Lopena asked me to get the names of the participants for the English month in all year levels. Gee I am just the Fourth Year Representative, by the way. Well, the preseident that those joking-around, so-called "members" of the English club voted was... well, non-functional. *rolls eyes* Well, it should have been Ginnique, anyway. So for the teask, I mentally noted myself to ask the other representatives' help.

On Tuesday (September 15), Adrian excused me during our computer subject and I was really clueless. Turned out that it was about our school paper (The Gatekeeper). He was the editor-in-chief--together with Ginnique--and he told me to make a feature article about the new teachers together with Ayyah, a sports artcile probably about Donaire (I already left my former position as the Sports Editor and I am now the Feature Editor, but since it seem that the sports page need some help, I had to do this), and an editorial article if I could make one. Oha! All-around! 8D

It should be passed before Friday, and I was surprised with the rush, until he told me that the presscond would probably be next week or so. It would be a district pressconference this year, not the division pressconference we used to have in the previous years. And this would be harder if that's the situation. DX

Before going home for lunch, I went to the fourth floor in the Extension building to get the payments for the t-shirts from the choir members of St. Peter, and to tell the other representatives about the errand. Labao was the third year representative and I told her that we'll just help each other on getting the participants from the third and fourth year level.

So in my English time, I excused her from her class. We started in the third year level. There was one particular section that was a real jungle. Sheesh.

When we finished in the third year level, moved to the fourth year. It was my turn to speak up and I could remember how Mr. dela Torre and Mr. Liboon's jaws comically (and jokingly) dropped when I spoke in English. Haha. Nosebleed nga daw, sabi ng mga estudyante. 8D

We didn't finish getting the names of the participants because Labao had a quiz.

Wednesday (September 16) was our first examination day. First day of exam was kinda okay, I think. Well, except on the flowcharting part on the computer because we didn't expect that it would also be included.

After the exam, I went to Basil to talk to Ayyah because we would be interviewing the new teachers. The interviews turned out fine. Well, except that I got confused with the names of the teachers that I mistook one from the other. /stupid self. I had to go back to school at 3pm to finish my interviews on them And I only had one left: Ms. Alcantara.

I was late on Thursday (September 17) so the SLTCs got my ID and I had to pay the fine to our class treasurer. T_T My exam on Science was ugh because I forgot to bring my ruler and protractor so I was automatically wrong on the last test. T_T Sayang, vectors and scalars was kinda easy for me pa naman.

The interview with Ms. Alcantara was the only thing we need to complete the article. We went to the newsroom first and Mr. Luna talked to Ayyah about their Odyssey play. We also watched the "The Necklace" mini-movie that the last batch of Justice did for their report in English. And it was kewl.

We finally got to intreview Ms. Alcantara and went home. However, I went back to school again. I had to do my sports article and I couldn't use the computer at house. So I looked for Mr. Luna so I could borrow the newsroom's key from here. I was kinda nervous to ask him pa nga because I know Mr. Luna sort of dislikes me. But he quickly gave the key to me. : )

I was alone in the newsroom when I did my article. I was alone for ablout two hours. There was an eerie silece and the noise only errupted when Remo, Adrian, Ginnique, Galman, and Gilbert entered the room.

I went out for a while to get Bro. Fred's ID to have it scanned. When I got back, I saw Galman in front of the computer. He told me that he accidentally kicked the switch of the AVR so the computer was shut down. I hadn't save my article but it was okay because of the MS Word's autorecover feature. I had resumed my work for quite a while when I remembered something.

"Hala!!" I reacted violently. It was because when I opened the newsroom earlier, the computer was nalready turned on, and Adobe Pagemaker was open. The layout of The Gatekeeper was probably being made by Mr. Luna before I used the computer, and the file seemed to have not been saved yet.

In short, wala na yung file. Wala na yung page layout.

Galman's face cannot be deciphered. He was red all over. We teased him, saying "Hala ka!" Nako, lagot siya kay Sir Luna.

Mr. Luna came back after a while. We were all saying "Lagot ka!" and Galman was red again. And he started to narrate what he had done in a LOL-some English.

"Sir, I did something."

"What?"

"I used the computer... And then, I accidentally kicked the AVR. And then.. the computer shut down..."

"And then?" Mr. Luna asked patiently, his voice was like, 'Anong meron dito at anong keme ng taong ito?'

"And then, I turned it on... And then, I used it again." He said in a as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

"And then...?"

Silence.

I was the one who broke the ice. (Okay Galman, it's my fault. XD) "E Sir, yung file po ng layout yata ng Gatekeeper, na-save na po ba?"

"Hindi pa."

Lagot. "E nawala po nung namatay na yung computer."

Mr. Luna was silent. We shot Galman a teasing look. Tsk.

I continued my work and I could sense Mr. Luna staring on what I was doing. When I glanced at him, parang na-shock ang mukha and he was staring blankly on the monitor screen. Galman was silent too.

Galman said sorry, and Sir Luna told him it was okay. "Okay lang 'yon. Edi kung galit ako sana nagmumumura na ako diyan!" He half-joked. I asked Adrian in a whisper if he thinks Sir Luna was mad or something. "Naghihinayang. Nagawa na kasi yung paunang layout e." He mouthed.

Nung medyo "naka-recover" na si Sir Luna, nagbibiro na siya. "Okay lang 'yon Galman. You know me. Hayaan mo, kapag naggagawa ng Gatekeeper, maaalala kita. 'Ay, si Galman, iyon yung nakabura ng layout.' O kapag ginagamit ko yung computer, iingatan kong 'wag masipa yung AVAR. Tapos kapag makikita ko yung class record ko, sasabihin ko, 'Galman? Sino 'yon? Basil ba 'yon? Ah oo, yung nakabura ng pinaghirapan kong layout!'"

Wala na. Markado na si Galman kay Sir.

Title na lang yung kulang dun sa sports article ko so I let Ginnique use the computer to do the layout. Galman was still quiet, while the rest of us started to tease and chat with each other. Nandon na rin yung mga Juniors and we were teasing Jeje because she types in such a slow manner. When suddenly, Ginnique told us the she accidentally kicked the AVR's switch too.

Back to the top. @_@

Nagbibiruan kami mayamaya. Ang kulit nga ni Sir e. Super tawanan at okrayan kami. Haha!

It feels nice. I mean, having to talk with Mr. Luna. I've already said that he is my 'idol' and I really think he is such an awesome teacher and I honestly want to be like him someday. He is one of my model teachers, actually.

Before, I could really feel Mr. Luna's indifference towards me. He was giving me cold treatment, actually. Sabi kasi ni Eday, ayaw daw ni Sir sa mga madaldal, lalo na at wala namang ibubuga. That's why I wanted him to be my English teacher in my senior year, so I can prove myself to him, so I can show him that what he thinks of me is wrong.

But that day, I got to joke and chat with im. I also notice that he calls me with my name (Nobleza), unlike before that he seemed to avoid referring to me. It seemed that his dislike for me is gone now. Well.. I think? : )

Super okrayan. Pati nga yung mga teachers, pinagkwentuhan namin. Lalo na yung mga matatandang teachers. XD

It was nearly six o'clock when we decided to go home. Actually, we didn't still want to go home, but mr. Luna was pushing us to do so because we still have exams the next day. Napagkwentuhan pa nga ang grades ng Basil. E hindi kasi mataas magbigay ng garde si Sir. You're lucky if you'll get a line of 9 from him. It only means that he thinks you are really good. He also give student works that 'normal' teachers in our school don't give, like the thesis. And super effort on reports, plays, and presentation.

Nung napagkwentuhan ng namain yung mga teachers, sabi ko, sayang at hindi ko naging teacher na gusto kong maging teacher, like Ms. Rellosa and Bro. Ador na kilalang mahihirap maging teacher. Sabi ni Sir, "Naku, you missed a part of your high school life. [...] Admit it, they've became part of your lives."

I agreed. "Kayo din Sir, syanag, hindi ko kayo naging teacher."

He said something that means like I was lucky. Hindi rin, I thought. Aanhin ko ang mataas na grade na binigay ng teacher na halos wala namang naidagdag sa kaalaman ko? Aanhin ko ang exam na madali kung halos wala namana akong natutunan? Kaya nga "naiinggit" ako sa mga handle ni Sir Luna. I didn't even know how to make a thesis pa nga e.

Really, I missed the half of my high school life.

Lumabas na kami ng newsroom. Nasa labas si Sir Liwag na nanlibre ng mais sa mga Juniors. Daya. Di man lang kami dinamay. ;p

Friday (September 18) was the last day of exam. The exams were easy. Well, except for Math. The first part in Math was really a chicken. Sabi ko nga, I might even get a high score on that. But when I got to the last part, I got really confused. And complex kasi ng given e. It was probably a trick question.

I went back to school earlier than the other days. I gave instructions to Argame about the basketball match of LDSP varsity with Perpetual and Liceo de Cabuyao. We were waiting for mr. Luna. When I see Jaymiriz, I asked him if he saw Mr. Luna because I need to use the computer at the newsroom to type Remo's article. He said he had the key so he gave it to me.

Nang umalis na sila Argame, biniro pa nila ako na baka daw may "makasama" ako sa newsroom. I just grinned at them. well, the newsroom was believed to have some beings because it wasn't really open to the students during the former paper adviser's 'reign'. Even staffers rarely get inside before. Ngayaon lang natambayan ito ng mga estudyante. But I didn't entertain the though as I was working alone. Hindi naman kasi malakas ang mga pakiramdam ko sa mga bagay na ganyan and hindi rin ako lapitin ng mga supernaturals, even I would like to see one. I believe that they won't really bother you if you won't scare yourself. Well, the calm ones.

When I finished typing Remo's article, I browsed the other articles. Pinakialaman ko na ring i-edit because yung iba e mali-mali yung grammar and sentence construction. Lalao na yung isang editorial article. alos ni-revise ko na nga e. 8D

Gereard accompanied me during their recess, but went back to his classroom when his last exam was about to start. Bumalik din siya at nag-FS pa. Ayun, biglang pasok ni Sir at nataranta siya. Haha! XD

Ginamit ni Sir yung computer because he would be doing a presentation yata. Ayyah ang REmo arrived later, as well as Marlon. Ibinunyag pa nga ni Remo ang isang nakakahiyang pangyayari sa'min. Actually, kahihiyan ko lang pala yun. Sheda, 3 times na nagyari yun! And they enjoyed themselves laughing so hard as Remo narrate the embarrassiing incidents. Waaah.

Tapos naalala ko na nandun din pala si Sir Luna, so narinig din niya. SHEDA!

Umuwi na rin kami dahil sabi ni Sir e matatagalan din siya sa computer. Niloko ko pa si Remo na sasama ako sa bahay nila. XD

Saturday (September 19). We are the choir for the mass today. I told them to come to school at 2pm, but I reached the school at 2:45p. When I got there, Bart and Gerard were the only ones there. Well, Basil have a practice for Odyssey play and they would probably come at 4pm. What happened to the others. Oh great. x[

Arbu came at 3pm. The others weren't still around. Those three were talking about... erm, obscene things. *rolls eyes*Well, they're boys anyway.

The others came nearly at 4:00. Maaga naman palang natapos yung practice ng Basil, hindi pa pumunta ng maaga.

When Adrian came, he was about to gather everyone for the meeting. Well, we're supposed to hava a meeting today at tanggalin na rin yung mga hindi umaattend. But I stopped him and talked to him at one corner because we hadn't still talked to Sir Bautista about it. Sabi niya, hindi na magtatanggalan, pagsasabihan na lang. Pero kulang-kulang din naman kami, wala pa rin yung mga karamihan ng mga madalas na hindi umaattend. So the meeting was posponed and we practiced instead. Sinita ko pa nga sila Eday dahil naka-shorts at naka-tsinelas, e bawal 'yun.

We went to the church and the mass started early. Si Jas ang tumugtog because Sir wasn't around.

At the homily, Adrian borrowed a notebook para patungan nung papel niya. I gave him my "notes notebook". He began reading it. Tapos, nandun pala yung isa kong sinulat ko for a post in my Wordpress blog. Since my WP blog contains personal things, that note is somewhat private. Well, okay lang sana kung ibang tao ang nakabasa nun, but--though it wasn't mention in the note--Eday was involved with it. I tried grabbing it away from him but his arms were long and mine were short. So ayun, nabasa na niya rin.

"Sus. Parang 'di ko naman nasubaybayan ang buhay mo." He told me, a hint on understanding in his voice. Ewan ko lang kung anong naisipi niya dun sa note na iyon.

Baka wala daw pala siya next Saturday because of TOBS. He was included for the Nationals. Prizes include Php 10, 000, and recognition in school. And it would really be a great honor for him and for the school, as well as for our region. Sabi niya nga, managinip daw ulit ako. Haha I would really be praying for him.

Kaso, baka wala daw siya sa district presscon. E sabi ni Sir Luna, 'pag nakatanggap kami ng mememo, kasama kami sa district. Kapag hindi, derecho kami ng divison. Kaya sana walang kaming makuhang memo! 8D

Sabi ko nga kay Eday, buti muka namang okay na kami ni Sir Luna at nakakausap at nakakabiruan ko na. Before kasi, "galit" daw nga sa'kin yun. E ayaw nga kasi ni Sir yung madadala na wala namang maipagmamalaki.

Eday: E bakit ako, madaldal rin naman?
Me: "E magka-iba naman tayo. E syempre, alam naman niya siguro na marunong ka naman.
Eday: E bakit ikaw, marunong ka naman ah?"
Me: E syempre... siguro 'di niya alam. akala niya puro dada lang ako.
Eday: Pero kung star ka... He trailed off.
Me: Anyway, okay naman na siguro kami ngayon. Kita mo naman nung Thursday, nakakausap at nakakabiruan ko na. Dati 'di man lang ako pinapansin nun.

It feels good, because my friends--especially Eday who is one of my closest friends--thinks of me as smart even I now belong in the non-star. That he considers me as one of them too. Somehow, I feel good. : )

Later on the mass, I saw Ayyah still quiet at the corner. I gave Adrain a puzzled look because Ayyah's still acting weird. He told me it was probably because almost everyone in Basil is kinda mad at her. I didn't have the chance to why because Ayyah was already crying silently after the Communion. I asked her what the problem is, but she won't tell me.

The Basilians weren't asking as I comfort Ayyah. I mean, hindi sila nang-iintriga. And it's something weird. I asked Ablay what had happened and he told me that Ayyah was late for the practice that day and they hadn't done much. And I couldn't comment on that. I know Ayyah was wrong, but still...

Ayyah bid me goodbye. She won't be coming with us at the 7-eleven. Nasita pa nga ako ni Ate Beth (Music Ministry President) about dun sa mga naka-shorts. Pinatago ko nga sila Edya. E sabi ko, pinagsabihan ko naman sila,

We went to 7eleven. Poor nga kami, walang pera. Kaya't slurpee na lang ang binili ang then we talked about the Noli play the Juniors watched that morning. Mas magaling pa nga daw sila Eday last year kaysa dun sa pinanood nila e.

We went home at 7: 35. And I went home happy. : )

***

This week is fool of schoolworks. We're rushing on many things, especially in Gatekeeper.

But I like this kind of pressure. I mean, this is where I am somewhat good at. Even I seem to do the tasks of the president in the Lingua Franca club. I like it. I like being useful. I like being able to help. I like this, because I don't feel unwanted and unappreciated.


Originally done on September 19.

Okay Na Sana E..

My day started nicely, but ended badly.

Saturday is actually my favorite day and I am always on this day of the week because I really like singing in the choir, plus I will be able to be with my close friends, who happened to be choir members too.

So I really looked forward for this day, as usual. There were already a number of my choir mates when I got in school. They noticed the big, long earrings that I was wearing. Ka-landian co talaga o!

Hindi na rin kami nag-practice, tutal e kokonti lang naman kami e. Instead, we talked about various stuff, ranted on that damned bloody First Quarterly exams. Grabe, pati Basil din pala nahirapan. Gaah! Si Ablay nga, nade-"depress" dun sa exam.

Tinanong co pala kung ano yung nangyari sa TOBS (Top Outstanding Boy Scout) na sinalihan ni Eday. I had mentally noted myself to ask him about that because I dreamt this week that I asked him about it, at sabi niya dun sa panaginip co, nakapasok siya sa Nationals at pang-4th siya.

Pasok nga daw siya sa National. Haha! Super pray aco para sa kanya dun. Ang guess what? Pang-fourth nga siya! WAW! Nagkatotoo yung dream co? Sabi niya nga daw, managinip ulit aco na nanalo siya sa Nationals. XD


I haven't still gotten over my love for piggy-back rides. Nagkukulitan kami ni Eday when he crouched and I groped him at the neck. I ended riding at his back. I was squealing like a little child as he run around, jumping up and down. Tumalon pa nga siya sa stage e, at tili-tawa aco. XD

I am so so child-like, I know. Fourth year na aco, pero gustong-gusto co pa ring napasan. Yeah. Yeah. I am so childish. =D

Nakatambay sila Jette, Alexa, at Luis sa may tabi ng flagpole. Luis called me at pinagtripan din ang aking hikaw. Haha. Tumambay din muna aco sa kanila. We were laughing so hard about the mural at the wall on the tunnel. Kamuka daw kasi ni Dolphy. Hahaha!

We went to the church before 5pm. Kuya Darwin, a LDSP alumnus and former Glee Club member, was the one who played piano for us. Maingay na naman nga e, kaya saway aco ng saway. Kuya Darwin even commented nung sinasaway co sila, "Parang aco lang dati ah."

Yeah, I remember that time when I was still on First and Second year when Kuya Darwin keeps on hushing us whenever we make noise. How fast the time flies! Ngayon, aco na ang sumasaway.

Okay pa aco nung una. I was still tolerating it at first kahit sitsit na aco nang sitsit. Pero nung bago mag-communion, na-bad trip na talaga aco. I shut my mouth and let them. Hindi na rin aco masyadong kumanta.

Di na nga aco sumabay sa Recessional kaya nagkagulo-gulo na. Tapos nung mukang nalito sila dun sa last part at nagkamali, nagtawanan pa. Nakakabad-trip e. So after taking off the cord from the mic, I told them, almost harshly, to sit down. Umalis na nga si Kuya Darwin nang hindi man lang aco nakapagpasalamat.

Nagsimula na ang panenermon co. Nakakainis kasi. Sinasaway nang paulit-ulit, ayaw pang magsitahimik. Nakakabastos na e, walang mga respeto. Palibhasa, nakikipag-biruan aco sa kanila. I am not laying my authority that much because I don't want to be an "authority figure". Umaabuso na e. Hindi naman porke mga kaibigan co sila, pababayaan co na lang.

I was somewhat close to tears. Ganito talaga aco kapag galit, naiiyak. But I didn't cry. There was just a lump of my throat, but I didn't cry. I'm laying my "authority", and authorities don't cry.

O, nung napagalitan saka nagsipag-tahimik. Kala mo mga maamong tupa e. Kailangan pa papagalitan muna.

Wala na. Bad trip na talaga aco. Nakakainis kasi e. Matapos ipaalala ang tungkol sa pesteng collared shirt na ilang linggo co nang ipinaalala sa kanila pero 13 pa lang ang nagpapasa, binirahan co sila ng walk-out. I just heard someone leading the prayer as I walk down the stairs. Si Gerard yata yun.

I walked with a straight face. I felt my jaws clenching, my brows furrowing. I headed to PEAC, and forgot to ask for the sign in my prayer book. Next week co na lang papapirmahan. Bad trip aco, and all I wanted at that time was to talk to Him.

Ayoko pa naman sa lahat, yung naba-bad trip. Ayoko kaya ng seryoso aco. Hindi aco sanay at alam cong hindi sanay ang mga tao. Ayoko ng galit aco. But I had to lay my authority. I had to be angry. I was angry, and the annoyance I felt wasn't something I could and should keep.

Naiinis talaga aco. Naiinis aco sa mga ka-choir co at sa sarili co. Yes, I am annoyed mostly to myself.

Bakit nung time naman ni Ate Jen, ni Ate Beth, ni Ate Pam, hindi naman ganito? I mean, sumusunod agad sa kanila ang choir. Ganun ba talaga? Hindi ba talaga aco karespe-respeto? Don't I deserve respect?

Maybe it was because they "grew up" with me. Dahil matagal na nila acong kilala that's why they don't fear me anymore. Maybe it was all because of childishness. Maybe it was because they even look more matured than me. Maybe because I am small, that's why they think so little of me.

Nakakainis. I was looking forward for this day. I was looking forward for a peaceful, heart-touching mass, looking forward for great singing, looking forward for time with my friends. Pero nasira lang lahat.

**

I was still annoyed when I got home, but it gradually faded.

Arbu PMed me in YM, and apologized. I accepted his apology, and just told him na hindi aco pupunta sa kanila para kunin yung shirts na ilang beses co nang pinapalala sa kanila; sila ang maghanap sa'kin.

Napatunayan co na I couldn't still hold anger for too long. Aco talaga yung taong magagalit, pero mawawala na rin mayamaya. Aco yung taong madaling amuhin.

I don't know how will I act when I saw them again, or how will I treat them next Saturday. Basta, hindi na aco papayag na maulit na naman na ganito. I still don't like to lay authority, but if I must, I will.

Most Hyper APTA Induction

Upon reaching the school, I requested Quintero to curl my hair. Nung third year pa lang kasi, uso na yung ganun at marunong siya. May usapan kasi kami nila Ayyah at Lea na ico-cosplay (mini cosplay lang, actually, dahil kahit yung konting look lang o ugali ang gayahin) ang isang character sa ToraDora! sa Monday, at sabi nila si Taiga daw ang i-"cosplay" co. Taiga's hair was a bit wavy, so I'm going to try to make my messy hair look like that of Taiga's.

Wala naman kaming masyadong ginawa, kaya pinagtulong-tulungan acong kulutan nila Quintero, Ruiz, at Quial. I looked like Valentina from Darna kasi ang pagkulot na uso sa'min, yung parang binubuhol. My hair looked short, and they told me it would be better if I cut my hair. They're presuading me to cut my hair. As if they could convince me.

Sabi co, magpapagupit din aco kapag: [1] may matindi acong dahilan; at [2] may taong super nangumbinsi sa'kin at na-moved talaga aco sa dahilan niya.

Sabi nga ni Jette, pipilitan niya daw aco. Tapos sasabihin niya kila Ayyah, Lea, Adrian, Remo, Alexa and my other close friends to persuade me, too. Haha!

At 8am, Veloso excused me from our class para ayusin nga yung bulletin board. Tinali co yung buhok co kasi muka pa nga acong si Valentina kasi naka-"buhol" pa rin. Remo ang Alde saw me, and they thought I had a haircut dahil muka ngang maikli yung buhok co na parang shoulder-length lang. As if..

Inabot kami ng past 9am dun sa bulletin board na 'yon pero halos wala rin namang nagyari at di rin namin natapos. Kase e..

English time na pagbalik co. Nagqu-quiz sila at nasa question #12 na, humabol na lang aco. Nag-aaalala aco dun sa 1-11 co, buti na lang inulit din ni Mrs. Lopena yung questions nung nag-request acong ulitin. I got 21. Actually, dapat talaga 23 yun e. Ang gulo kasi ni Miss e. Parang feeling co talaga, may mali siyang nasabi.

Tinggal co na rin yung pagkaka-"buhol" ng buhok co nung paakyat na kami sa rooftop ang everyone was "wow-ing" on me. Ang ganda kasi ng pagkakulot e, para daw acong magj-JS! Akalain mo 'yun, gumaganda ang buhok co kapag kinukulot. Muka daw acong tao! HAHA! (But still, I wasn't able to achieve the Taiga look. Tsk.)

Half day lang kami ngayon dahil APTA Induction of officers. Pero babalik din aco sa school ng 2:30 dahil choir aco at may mass para sa Induction. Dapat nga, pupunta kami ni Jayson kila Jorvina (dapat talaga, si Jayson lang. E sabi niya, baka daw "molestyahin" siya ni Jorvs kaya pinasama niya aco. XD) para makita ni Jayson kung pan'o i-reformat yung PC nila Jorvs, na si Jorvs lang ang gagawa, kaso di din natuloy kasi nandun yung tatay niya nandun e ayaw niyang nandun yung papa niya kapag nagdala siya ng kaklase.

Umuwi na lang aco at umidlip. At past 2pm, nasa school na aco. Naka-civilian nga aco e.

Ang awesome ng pagkakakanta namin. Waw. Yung bagong member na 1st year, si Gerald Dulay, ang galing mag-voicing. Palibhasa choir na yun sa kanila e. Pati tuloy yung Ama Namin me voicing kahit dati e wala naman yun.

Hindi pa kami umuwi pagkatapos ng mass. Nanuod muna kami sa program. Nang natapos na ang program, binigyan kami ng merienda. Grabe, ang hyper namin!

Warning: "Green" language ahead. Not suitable for "innocent" and conservative people. XD

Nagkulang yata sa tinidor nun, kaya nanghiram si Siacey ng tinidor sa tapos nang kumain. Nung nanghiram siya kay Dulat, sagot ba naman e, "'Wag na. Lalaki aco, baka mabuntis ka!"

WAW. Grabe. Nagtawanan kami. Pero na-realize co, grabe talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. I mean, green din naman talaga kami so parang wala lang yun. Kaso first year pa lang yun ah, at bagong member pa. Hindi pa lalagpas sa limang beses na nakasama namin siya sa choir. At si Siacey e third year na. Samantalagang nung panahong first year kami at bago sa High School Glee Club, hindi kami makapalag ng ganyan sa mga "senpai" namin. Oo, may biruan, pero super kuya at ate at "po" kami nun. Hindi kami ganun magsalita sa senpais namin.

Iba na talaga panahon ngayon o. XD

Kumuha pa kami ng pansit, at ng juice. Ang adik e! Kumuha din kami ng lobo! HAHA!

Grabe! Ang hyper namin. Di co lang ma-explain. pero ang kulit namin! XD

We saw Adrian, na galing Los Baños dahil may kinuhang documents daw kaya di nakapag-choir. Ang gala talaga, mag-isa lang siya nun ah. Kinuwento co nga sa kanya yung tungkol kay Dulay at sabi niya, in a playful but somewhat serious way, na lagot daw yun sa kanya sa Sabado. Si Eday pa naman, pinapakitaan talaga ng "attitude" at "authority" ang mga taong dapat pakitaan ng "attitude" at "authority". Ganun siya. Kapag sa lokohan, mangunguna 'yon, pero kapag serious, serious.

Hindi naman sa naiinis kami. Para sa'kin, okay lang naman si Dulay. Magaling siya, and he's an asset to the choir. Pero syempre, dapat maaga pa lang e matuto na siyang "rumespeto". Hindi naman sa naiis talaga kami, super natawa pa nga kami sa kanya. Pero syempre, dapat malaman niya kung pa'no pakitunguhan ang mga senpai niya. Aba, kahit pamilya at super close co na talaga ang choir to the point na super harutan kami, dapat malaman ng new members kung saan "lulugar".

And I'll leave that to Eday. Mas kaya niya na 'yon kaysa sa'kin. I'm not good on laying "authority", kaya siya na bahala dun. Magkakasundo rin naman yung dalawang 'yun e, for sure. Good luck na lang sa Sabado. XD

(This post is supposedly centered on how hyper we are today, pero mas parang tungkol sa ito sa mga bagong members. Haha!)

Unnecessary Worries

I am completely broke today. Mama and I aren't still talking, and I didn't ask money from her because I know she won't give me any and we might just end up yelling at each other. Yep, that's how bad things are weheneer we're in "World War".

So I went to school without a single cent, literally. Sheda, ang purita co ngayon!

I was worrying for so many things today. First, I don't have money. So how can I possibly go to Aica's house to have our body measurement taken for the SSG uniform? Then, there was the conflict between the Basil and I. I'm still feeling guilty, and I'm still embarrassed to face them. At hindi co alam kung paano nila aco pakikitunguhan.

But of course, I wouldn't let those stupid, petty conflicts defeat me. I've already been into LOTS of issues, but I am still standing. These are nothing compared to what I've been to, and I know there's a hell lot more to come.

So to sum it all, I went to school, carrying my gift to Remo. I had made the "special box" for him before going to school, btw. (I've made sure I used brown paper and ribbon for it. XD)

I saw Adrian and Arnold along with my other choirmates in the locker area. My cheeks were heating up; tension was curling up in my stomach. It was somewhat impersonal, the way Adrian told me that we're going to sing in A Capella because Sir Bay won't be around, though maybe he's just busy with his phone. Maybe it was just paranoia or something, but at the back of my mind was the nagging thought that they're mad at me.

There was a silent conflict inside me, a mixture of guilt and embarrassment and paranoia. After some few minutes of hesitating, I said, "Uy, Eday, sorry ah."

"O, bakit?" he asked, surprised.

"'Dun sa.. sa.. 'di ba nga late si Ayyah?"

"Anu ka ba, wala yun." He assured me, his tone was the don't-worry-it-doensn't-matter tone that I know.

"E kasi... kasi..." I choked, a lump of tears in my throat.

And then it just happened. The tears that I managed to held back the other day showed. I know I looked stupid, but I didn't bothered to wipe those tears. Attempting that would be futile; my tears couldn't be held back anymore.

"E kasi... kasalanan co naman talaga. Nakaka... ano kasi, kasi... wala na nga aco sa inyo, tapos... tapos... nagdadala pa rin aco ng malas sa inyo.

"Okay lang 'yun. OA lang talaga si Jesta 'nu. 'Lam mo naman 'yun."

Arnold assured me, too. Somehow, I felt better. Wala naman acong nakitang kaplastikan sa pang-aalo nila. Siguro naman mararamdaman co kung nagkukunwari lang silang may concern, but it sounded genuine.

I could feel my addiction is sucking me in again. I know--I could feel--that I couldn't kept the promise I made out of depression.

Maya-maya, Remo approached us, who was previously on stage practicing some dance steps with Aica. I hugged him tightly, and then gave him the box.

"Happy birthday ulit!" I greeted him. "Syempre, may laman 'yan. Pero nasa labas." Then, I took the plastic bag of the pillow I had bought in Clipper. At si Remo, tuwang-tuwa. Nakakatuwa yung reaction niya. At least, all of my efforts paid off. : )

"Thank you!" pasasalamat niya. Pero nahalata yatang umiyak aco dahil namumugto yung mata co kaya nagtanong. E aco naman si todo deny. ^^,

Sinabi co sa kanya na si Ayyah yung kasama co sa pagbili ng reglao co para sa kanya, kaya na-late si Ayyah nung Thursday. At ayun, in-okray pala niya. Kaya sabi niya, magso-sorry daw siya pagdating ni Ayyah.

Binasa na agad ni Remo yung birthday message co. By the way, the "special box" was actually a letter which contains my birthday message. At sabi niya, hindi naman daw totoo yung nasa 5th and 6th paragraph. I don't know, siguro nga. Sana nga.

Hindi na rin kami nag-practice dala ng katamaran. x)

Sila Adrian, Ablaya and Arnold ay umalis at pumunta sa gotohan para mag-merienda. And when they get back, may "surprise" daw sila na para sa batch namin. May kasama silang babae, nakatakip pa yung bag ni Eday sa mukha nung babae.

At si Rinnel pala yun! Dating choir si Rinnel at kaklase namen, pero lumipat siya sa school nung third year. Ang adik , ang ingay tuloy namin.

Pumunta na rin kami sa simbahan. Aica, Arnold, and Rinnel were with us in the choirbox. Ampness nga, ang gulo na naman ng kanta namin.

After the mass, nagkayayaaan na naman sa 7-eleven, our usual tambayan after choir. Pero puro kami walang pera. As in. Grabe. Ramdam na ramdam na talaga ang global financial crisis.

Umuwi na yung iba, pero pumunta pa rin kami kahit walang datung. Haha. Aco, si Eday, Ayyah, Remo, Arbu, Mae, and Aica ang magkakasama sa 7-eleven. Si kuya Kim na nakita namen after mass, sumama din sa'min. Si Ayyah ang bumili ng chitchira, tapos share-share na lang kami dun. Sila Mae naman, nilibre kami ng slurpee na maliit. Waw. Grabe, ang purita namen!!

Pero okay lang. Halakhakan ng halakhakan. Si Mae at Aica, may sariling mundo at mukang nagtu-"tour" sa 7-eleven. I was thinking of ways to earn money for the leadership training in Baguio, when out-of-the-blue, Adrian said this obsence suggestion.

(Censored 'to. HAHAHA! XD)

"********." He said out loud.

I stared at him for a nanosecond, tapos humagalpak ng tawa habang sinasabihan siya ng, "luko-luko". Tawanan kami ng tawanan. At dahil may sayad din aco, naki-ride naman aco sa suggestion niya.

"Oo, tapos ******!" sabi co.

Tawanan na naman. Yun pala, dahil napalakas yata ang boses ni Eday, narining ni kuyang crew ng 7-eleven yung usapan namen. Ah sh*t! NAKAKAHIYA!!

Pero actually, di naman talaga kami nahiya dahil wala kaming hiya. Nagtawanan na lang kami habang si kuya, iiling-iling na nakikitawa sa'min.

Halos 7:30 na rin kami nakauwi. Pero masaya naman. All of my worries vanished, they're now seemingly useless. : )

Fever

I was really feeling bad yesterday that I immediately slumped on the sofa after taking off my P.E. uniform. I was planning to just snooze off a bit, I slept the whole night away. My stomach was grumbling when I woke up at the middle of the night, but I didn't care to eat dinner. And heck, neck and forehead felt hot.

Oh great, so I have a little fever. Blame it to my sore throat. Dang, kapag masakit talaga ang lalamunan co, pati buong katawan co sumasakit. So my life really depends on my voice, eh?

I woke up unusually early this morning. I was planning to review Math, but I end up in the couch again. I really feel weak. At para pa acong binugbog sa sobrang sakit ng katawan co. Salamat sa pesteng sinat co.

When called Ayyah, she told me not to attend the choir and just rest. As if I would let a stupid fever prevail me from attending the choir.

So naghanda na aco papunta sa school. Umuulan pa nga e. Nung papunta na aco sa school, umaambon pa. Mama told me to bring an umbrella, pero sira naman yung payong. Kaya sumugod aco sa ambon. Ang galing co nu? May sinat pa aco ng lagay na 'yan. Sadista talaga. (Btw, my mom didn't know that I'm running a temperature. She'll surely make me stay in the house if she does.)

Alas dos na pero wala pang lima ang choir members sa school pagdating co. Yung Batingaw naman nasa may stage. Akala co ba alas-dos ang practice? Ang ba-bait talaga.

Dapat magre-review kami ni Ayyah. Pero tinatamad aco. Nakakatamad talagang magbasa ng mga numbers. Worse, numbers na may kasamang letters. Tinitingnan co pa lang, tinatamad na aco. (Pa'nu kaya aco magkakaroon ng pag-asa sa UPCAT nito? XD )

Dumating si Remo at ginawa ang narrative report ng Banyuhay Club. In Filipino ah. Talagang napatunayan cong mas mahirap gumawa ng mga sulatin sa Tagalog than English. XD

Nako, baka hindi nagawa ni Abby yung narrative report ng Glee Club. Tinatamad pa naman acong gawan. =D

Dumating naman si Gerard na iika-ika. Ayun, napilay ang paa dahil sa volleyball. Katangahan kasi, tumalon tapos na-bend yung paa niya. Di tuloy siya makapglakad ng maayos.

Kaya nang dumating si Sir ng alas-tres, inakay pa siya pataas. Dun kami sa room nila magpa-practice kase nga yung Batingaw e ginagamit yung stage.

Late nang dumating ang mga galing sa review for the UPCAT. Di rin kami masyadong nakapag-practice ng maayos kasi pina-practice ni Jasmin yung chords ng mga kanta.

Somehow, I felt better. Though I'm still a little bit hot, I feel okay. Maybe this is really my own medicine: the sight of school and my friends. I couldn't afford to feel weak when I feel happy being with them. (Woot, ang drama.)

We went to the church at five. We sang well, thankfully. Maaga ring natapos ang misa, though wala acong masyadong naintindihan sa homily. ;p

Paglabas namin sa simbahan, nagulat na lang kami nang makita namin si Lumbania na parang nagwawala. Sa'ming choir nakatingin. Hala, anong meron??

Nakatingin lang kami sa kanya habang akala mo e maghahamon siya ng away. Of course we all wondered to whom he is angry with, until I heard Joselle mumbling taunting words habang nagtataray sa kanya.

So si Joselle pala ang hinahamon niya. Ex daw kasi ng ate niya si Lumbania, na niloko lang nito. Kaya ayun, nagalit si Joselle at "inaway" niya.

Eto namang si Lumbania, akala mo lalaki ang hinahanap kung maghamon e. Parang handang-handang makipagbabagan.

Buti na lang umalis na rin siya. Inawat ni Marian kaya medyo nawala na rin ang tensyon. Sus, akala pala nila si Eday ang kaaway. Haha! At nagawa pa naming pagkatuwaan si Joselle at ang sitwasyon.

Hinatid muna nila Ablay si Joselle sa sakayan para makasiguradong hindi na siya aabangan ni Lumbania. At pagkatapos, pumunta na kami sa 7-eleven.

Para kaming nagpu-prusisyon dahil nga iika-ika si Gerard. Moonwalk e. Ang sarap pagtawanan e! Haha! Ang bad co talaga! >:)

I treated Adrian this time. Parati naman kasi niya acong nililibre. Saka feeling nice aco ngayun e. =D

The 7-eleven was filled with noise because of us. Puro tawanan dahil sa mga okrayan, kulitan, biruan. Our table was full of plastic and cups and junk food clutters.

But it felt good, laughing like this with the people that I consider as friends. I love laughing like this, laughing like there is no tomorrow, laughing so loud that my stomach and jaw hurt, laughing with the people I love.

Anong oras na rin nung magkayaan kami umuwi. Sabi pa naman ni mama umuwi aco ng maaga. We parted in groups. I was with Bart, Jayjay, Eday and Gerard because they would be coming back to the main building, at dun ang way co. Sila Ayyah naman umuwi na.

Dahil tinatamad pa rin naman acong umuwi, sumama na rin aco kila Gerard. Pero nakita niya sila Jago, at nagpahintay muna siya sa'min dahil ihahatid niya daw ito. Ihahatid. Nang ganun yung paa niya. Nice. Pustahan tayo, pagapang na iyong babalik.

So we waited. Tawanan pa rin kami ng tawanan. Nagpapa-tangkaran pa nga etong mga lalaking 'to. At si Eday, dahil malandi, nabubog ang paa! Hahaha! Magpapatangkaran pa kasi. Buti na lang di na aco sumali (kung sabagay wala naman acong laban sa kanila XD).

Ang tagal pa naming naghintay. Wala. Nasagasaan na siguro yun si Gerard. Nagulungan yung isa pang paa. Gagapang na talaga 'yun pauwi.

Dahil ang tagal-tagal ni Gerard, umuwi na rin aco. Mag-aalas-otso na sa orasan namin (advance kasi e), buti na lang di aco pinagalitan ni Mama. :)

It was such a wonderful day, kahit sininat pa aco at masama ang pakiramdam. God is really good to me. ^^

First Friday Mass

July 4, 2009; Friday

I was kinda anxious today. This is the first First Friday mass that I am going to attend with the choir (the last time, I was in the oath-taking for the SSG).

Every section lined up in the quadrangle first. I was looking for the third year when I saw the Basil making their way through the crowd. Good, at least I don't need to call them up.

"Punta na lang kayo sa simbahan ah, hahanapin co pa Peter." I instructed them. Remo volunteered to go with me, thankfully. And gaah, after that long way up to the Peter's room, I didn't find anyone in there. Great.

Remo and I just went to the church. Upon reaching the choirbox, I saw the St. Peters. Nako. Nauna pa pala sila sa'min.

I occupied the seat near the stairs. For a second, I felt proud sitting in this area. When I was in first year and second year, this is where the "authorities" sit, while we stay at the far corner. I mean, kahit kasi wala nang available na upuan sa part na ito, talagng dito at dito pa rin aco, as well as the other "older" members, uupo. Kami nila Adrian, Remo, Jayjay. Yung parang "authorities" nga.

Don't get me wrong. I still don't want to be an authority fugure. But still, I could feel an unexplainable happiness because I am the one "governing" the organization that I love. Aco ang may hawak sa club that I served for almost 5 years. The org where my true friends is, the people that I love. And of course, the org which is my instrument is serving Him. :)

Sabi nga nila, liga ng star ang Glee Club. Ilan lang ba kaming non-star sa choir? Lima lang yata. For such a long time, star section student ang namumuno sa organization na ito. Aco lang ang sumira sa "chain". And I feel proud, dahil isang non-star ang namumuno sa liga ng mga star. It may seem petty, but it's a big thing for me. Because they entrust me this organization, they gave me the chance to lead them. I, who is a non-star student.

Of course, this is not between stars and non-stars. This is about my passion for the choir. I never wished or thought of being the Glee Club president, but I'm happy that I am. This is the fruit of my years of service for the choir and for Him, my last year in this org, and I am going to make it memorable. :)

Parang medyo konti lang kami. Si Ayyah, wala. Buti sila Gerard at Tan e nakadating kahit hindi co nasabihan. I though Adrian wouldn't sing with us because he's still not around, so I was kinda surprised when I saw him on the stairs.

"O? Bakit nandito ka? Kakanta ka?" I said almost bluntly.

"Aba bakit, ayaw mo? Sige, bababa na aco." He joked.

"Hindi. Akala co lang naman."

He took a chair from the corner and sat on "this" area. Authorities. :)

Before the mass started, Sir Bautisa arrived. Buti na lang.

I didn't understand a thing on the mass. We're busy chatting with each other (ang bad namin nu?). During the homily, as Adrian and I were talking, napunta kami sa mga pagbabago sa kanya.

Yes, he is changing. Maturing, perhaps. And as he grows up as an individual, he's becoming unreachable. I mean, yes, he's reaching out on us, on me, but the fact that he is a "big" person now and not just the ordinary student I first met is so clear. And I told all of that to him.

"Pero parang ganun pa'rin naman aco ah," he said. I could see his eyes getting misty, as well as mine. I'm really a sensitive person, especially to my friends. "Kung ano naman ang ginagawa co dati, ayun pa rin ang ginagawa co pa rin."

"Oo nga, pero hindi mo naman maiaalis na nagbabago ka na talaga. Parang... ang layo mo na." I told him, then biglang kambyo, "Pero in fairness naman sa'yo, di nalaki yung ulo mo. Humble ka pa rin naman saka lumalapit ka pa rin sa'min kahit.. iba na level mo. Saka maganda naman para sa'yo yung pagbabago mo e. Gaya na lang nang mas nagiging lalaki ka na kahit papano," we both smiled when I mentioned that. "Pero hindi co pa rin maalis na malungkot kasi... nagbabago ka na."

He's changing. As well as my other friends. They're are all maturing, growing up, while I'm still a childish, immature girl--physically and emotionally--someone who dwells in the past, unable to move on because my most precious memories belong to that special chapter of my life.

The mass ended. Ang sama co, nakipagdaldalan lang aco. >:) But thank you, Lord, because You gave me time to be with the my friends. :)

Scary Experience

March 27, 2009; Saturday

The supposedly seminar in Los Baños today was canceled because Mrs. Escobin is sick. Which means that the copyreaders and photographers won't be oriented about their field in the preparation for the press conference, and that I won't be learning desktop publishing in which I am greatly interested to learn. Therefore, we have to attend our first CAT training.

The CAT training had actually started last week, but because we were in Los Baños during that time, we were excused. But I have to go to school today, even I still wanted to curl up in bed.

I may not sound like it, but I feel kinda excited for CAT. It's just... I don't want to wake up early during Saturdays.

My intrams t-shirt was too big for me so it felt awkward when I tucked it in my pants. Ablay and other CAT officers were on the fate and they didn't allow me to get in until I put on a bocnai (don't know the spelling XD) because I was just on a ponytail. Sheesh, I think that that little bocnai couldn't hold my super thick and long hair in place.

I approached Ginnique and Ayyah to ask about the registration thingy when I saw them a few minutes after I lined up. We went to St. Basil's room to complete the registration, and the three of us would be in the HQ company, as many had assumed.

The next minutes was full of lectures about the commands. Darap, puluton, tuluyang bilang, harap sa kanan... There were pretty much of them, and though I sometimes make mistakes in executing the commands, I was kinda enjoying it. Amoranto is our platoon leader and Gaban is the tactical leader. They say we're the "nicest" platoon, anyway. Well, were the only girls in the first battalion--the rest were boys--and it would be a shame if we're more stubborn than them.

Before the training ended, every platoon executed the commands while the others are watching. All of us were nervous, but we managed to perform well. Not just "well", but our platoon was the best to perform in the battalion. Haha..

We were dismissed. I don't feel like going home yet, and Ayyah, Remo, Ginnique and I stayed at the locker area.

And sh*t, Remo striked again! This is the second time, actually. Darn it! And he just kept on laughing at it! Mou..

I went home at eleven and slept right away without eating my lunch. I was so tired! And when I woke up at 2pm, an awful dysmenorrhea started kickin' in. Ack, it was too painful that I thought I wouldn't be able to attend the choir. I was writhing in pain, literally.

But would I let a stupid dysmenorrhea defeat me? Of course not! Determined to attend the choir, I forced myself to get up and took a hot bath even it was a hot, sticky day to ease the annoying pain. Good thing it worked a little.

I was disappointed when I reached the school. Only Tan was there, even though it's past three already. Psh. I told them repetitively to go to school at 3pm!

We waited for the others. When the members who reviewed for the UPCAT came, the stage was filled with buzzing noise. And Eday was on his hyper mode again. Sheesh.

Dismayed and annoyed to those members who didn't attend, I started the practice. Grr. Just wait for what I am going to do with them. (Aah, kala mo sinong istrikto!)

At 5:00, we went to the church. I told the lector that we will sing the response in the Psalm. Just the response, and not the verses, and he agreed, telling it to other lectors.

I managed to do the high ending again, but our song was... not so good. It's not that awful, but it was... close to that, I think. Worse, we were singing without accompaniment. And the misalette I have has a wrong Psalm on it. Good thing the lectore probably forgotten we will sing the Psalm response and she went on reciting it. But still...

A bad girl as I am, I didn't listened on the Gospel and instead went on chatting with Eday and the others, talking about future plans. Adrian was asking for our opinions on which UP campus he will write on the second choice. We told him to write UPLB but after weighing his options, he ended up in Baguio.

He said he's considering to be a teacher, just like me. And he would like to teach in LDSP, just like my plan. He would probably teach Math or English, and I would be teaching English as well. Remo would be taking up B.A. Filipino and Ayyah an English-related course, and are planning to teach, too. Yay! We might even be co-teachers someday! But Remo and Ayyah would like to teach in MunSci.

Well, those are just plans. It might come true, it might not. But I will try my best to be a teacher, really, and I want it in Liceo de San Pedro! =D

There was something scary on the next minutes.

Before the Kordero, I saw a lay minister without his head on! Seriously! Geez, what is that?! Honestly, HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS HEAD ON! I mumbled that to Gerad, but he didn't completely got it.

I tried telling that to him again after the Kordero, and the others heard it too, but we had no chance to talk about it because we have to sing the Kordero.

"Walang ulo yung lay minister kaning pagkakita co!" I told them again while we were walking towards our chairs, and their faces' expressions were like O_O and WTF!?

Actually, I was not frightened when I saw that, just a little nervous, but seeing their faces turning frightened and scared and shocked and saying "Hala.." I got pretty nervous. Adrian;'s face was red and he was quiet suddenly. After few seconds, he started telling in a panicky voice that he saw another lay minister without a head. NOW WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? Those who were on our side was dumbfounded and frightened. WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING!?

As soon as the mass ended, everyone wanted to go down immediately, but we offered a prayer before going down. Sheesh..

Jeez, what is happening!? Was it just our imagination or are we getting nuts or it's just some crappy superstition?

I don't believe in those stupid superstitions, really. Maybe it was just our imagination or what. My belief in those things is, "Kaya hindi umuunlad ang Pilipinas dahil sa pamahiin."

But seeing them so frightened, I was carried away started becoming nervous too. I shouldn't have said it. Damn eyes, why are you showing these things to me? Ack!

The other choir members probably told some of the St. Basil what had happened, and they kept on convincing us to tell to the lay minister. I kept on disagreeing, telling them that the lay minister might get scared or they might think that the LDSP Glee Club is playing a prank on them. But Ginnique insisted because the priest was just nearby, and we finally told them about it.

Fr. John just gave us advice and assured us that nothing will happen as long as we have faith in God. We prayed after that, and he told us to just forget it.

Yes. Yes. It is just my stupid imagination!!

After that, we went to 7-eleven. Oh great. Forgetting, right? But I couldn't just take it away from my head, thinking about it over and over if there's something wrong with my eyesight and stupid imagination.

Oh yeah, I should forget about it. I was just a superstition, and I am not the kind of person who easily believes in those kind of crappy fiction. My day was pretty satisfying, anyway just erase that scary experience and it is perfect!