First Friday Mass

July 4, 2009; Friday

I was kinda anxious today. This is the first First Friday mass that I am going to attend with the choir (the last time, I was in the oath-taking for the SSG).

Every section lined up in the quadrangle first. I was looking for the third year when I saw the Basil making their way through the crowd. Good, at least I don't need to call them up.

"Punta na lang kayo sa simbahan ah, hahanapin co pa Peter." I instructed them. Remo volunteered to go with me, thankfully. And gaah, after that long way up to the Peter's room, I didn't find anyone in there. Great.

Remo and I just went to the church. Upon reaching the choirbox, I saw the St. Peters. Nako. Nauna pa pala sila sa'min.

I occupied the seat near the stairs. For a second, I felt proud sitting in this area. When I was in first year and second year, this is where the "authorities" sit, while we stay at the far corner. I mean, kahit kasi wala nang available na upuan sa part na ito, talagng dito at dito pa rin aco, as well as the other "older" members, uupo. Kami nila Adrian, Remo, Jayjay. Yung parang "authorities" nga.

Don't get me wrong. I still don't want to be an authority fugure. But still, I could feel an unexplainable happiness because I am the one "governing" the organization that I love. Aco ang may hawak sa club that I served for almost 5 years. The org where my true friends is, the people that I love. And of course, the org which is my instrument is serving Him. :)

Sabi nga nila, liga ng star ang Glee Club. Ilan lang ba kaming non-star sa choir? Lima lang yata. For such a long time, star section student ang namumuno sa organization na ito. Aco lang ang sumira sa "chain". And I feel proud, dahil isang non-star ang namumuno sa liga ng mga star. It may seem petty, but it's a big thing for me. Because they entrust me this organization, they gave me the chance to lead them. I, who is a non-star student.

Of course, this is not between stars and non-stars. This is about my passion for the choir. I never wished or thought of being the Glee Club president, but I'm happy that I am. This is the fruit of my years of service for the choir and for Him, my last year in this org, and I am going to make it memorable. :)

Parang medyo konti lang kami. Si Ayyah, wala. Buti sila Gerard at Tan e nakadating kahit hindi co nasabihan. I though Adrian wouldn't sing with us because he's still not around, so I was kinda surprised when I saw him on the stairs.

"O? Bakit nandito ka? Kakanta ka?" I said almost bluntly.

"Aba bakit, ayaw mo? Sige, bababa na aco." He joked.

"Hindi. Akala co lang naman."

He took a chair from the corner and sat on "this" area. Authorities. :)

Before the mass started, Sir Bautisa arrived. Buti na lang.

I didn't understand a thing on the mass. We're busy chatting with each other (ang bad namin nu?). During the homily, as Adrian and I were talking, napunta kami sa mga pagbabago sa kanya.

Yes, he is changing. Maturing, perhaps. And as he grows up as an individual, he's becoming unreachable. I mean, yes, he's reaching out on us, on me, but the fact that he is a "big" person now and not just the ordinary student I first met is so clear. And I told all of that to him.

"Pero parang ganun pa'rin naman aco ah," he said. I could see his eyes getting misty, as well as mine. I'm really a sensitive person, especially to my friends. "Kung ano naman ang ginagawa co dati, ayun pa rin ang ginagawa co pa rin."

"Oo nga, pero hindi mo naman maiaalis na nagbabago ka na talaga. Parang... ang layo mo na." I told him, then biglang kambyo, "Pero in fairness naman sa'yo, di nalaki yung ulo mo. Humble ka pa rin naman saka lumalapit ka pa rin sa'min kahit.. iba na level mo. Saka maganda naman para sa'yo yung pagbabago mo e. Gaya na lang nang mas nagiging lalaki ka na kahit papano," we both smiled when I mentioned that. "Pero hindi co pa rin maalis na malungkot kasi... nagbabago ka na."

He's changing. As well as my other friends. They're are all maturing, growing up, while I'm still a childish, immature girl--physically and emotionally--someone who dwells in the past, unable to move on because my most precious memories belong to that special chapter of my life.

The mass ended. Ang sama co, nakipagdaldalan lang aco. >:) But thank you, Lord, because You gave me time to be with the my friends. :)

Pre-Senior Life Post

A new school year will start in few days’ time. Only few days left.

And I’m officially a senior high school student.

I am so thrilled to go to school. Boredom’s killing me here in our house, and I’ve been doing a mental countdown for the start of classes. I always prefer being in school than in our own house. I feel… much secured. Much in ease. Much better.

But idea of being a senior isn’t very appealing to me.

Alright, I badly want to go to school now, but not as a senior. It’s just the same as my being thrilled on my birthdays but not liking the idea of getting old.

Being a fourth year high school student means being the last year of your high school. Being one year away from college. Oh, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like college, it’s just I don’t want to leave my school yet. Leaving the school that has been the home of my most precious memories, and being away with the people whom I learned to love. My friends.

I know this shouldn’t be the time for being melancholic, but I feel exactly that way. Wala pa man, I could already feel the nostalgia.

But I always try to erase those thought. This is my last year in high school. My last year in Liceo de San Pedro. My last year to contribute something in my school which has been my sanctuary for almost seven years. Perhaps the last year to bond with the people I love and cherish. And so I’m going to make the most out of it, and I will make memories—I know they won’t be purely nice, there surely be unpleasant ones, too—that I will remember forever.

MMD (commonly known as Mutiple Mood Disorder)

kung kayo e nagtataka kung ano ba ang ibig sabihen ng MMD na iyon e wag niyo nang pag'isipen ang sarili niyo. hindi naman 'yan isang medical term e. actually, imbento co nga lang 'yang term na iyan e. =D

ilang araw co na ring status message sa YM ang *ish having mutiple mood disorder*. may mga nagtanong nga sa'ken kung ano na naman ka'ek-ekan ang naimbento co.

actually, totoo naman iyo at hindi ek-ek lang. dahil lately, grabe na talag ang atake ng mood swings co, nitong january lang iyon lumala e. super talaga, nakakainis na nga rin. one time masaya aco, tapos magiging annoyed, then makulet, tapos bigla-bigla na lang acong made'depress.

grabe, minsan talagang nakakainis na itong topak co. masayado na acong nagiging sesitive sa mga wala naman katuturang bagay.

pero kung titingnan mong maige, di naman talaga walang katuturang bagay iyong pinagse'sentir co. kase kahet maliit lang yung mga bagay na iyon e may anggulo na talaga namang ka'bwiset-bwiset. katulad na nga lang nung bote co na pinaglaruan nila morada nung isang araw. kahet simpleng bote yon e talaga namang nakaka'inis dahel gamit mo yun tapos pinaki'alaman di ba?

minsan din, iba't iba ang mood co na nararamdaman ng sabay'sabay. minsan kahet aco nako'confuse na din sa sarili co e. 'pag kausap co si ganyan masaya aco, kapag si ganito naman ang kausap co e nabu'bwiset aco. na'iinis aco kay ganyan pero kapag kaharap co siya e di co magawang mainis. minsan nga e bwiset aco pero bigla naman acong mapapa'ngiti kase mai naisep acong nakakatuwa, o kaya naman e jolly at magulo aco pero bigla'bigla na lang acong mananahimik.

dun sa forum na kasali aco, yung Imagination Unleashed (click niyo na lang yung link sa right para ma'visit yung site. oha! nag'promote!), e nag'post aco dun tungkol sa ka'abnormalan co. at katulad ng iba pang nakaka'pansin, may nagsabe sa'ken na siguro'y may "dalaw" lang daw aco.

nako! grabe talaga! natatawa aco kapag ganun ang sinasabe nila sa'ken. oo nga't babae naman aco at nagda'daan na din sa "pagdadalaga" (asus, kahet di halata!) pero di co tingin na mai konekshon iyon sa bagay na yon. di naman aco ganun dati e.

actually, okay, ganun aco dati pero di naman malala. at kahet naman wala aco nang nakaka'iritang pinagdadaanan ng babae kada buwan e the same pa din. so wala talagang konek.

hay. siguro tingin sa'ken ng mga tao e mai saltik na dahil parati acong tino'topak. grabe!

stupid, annoying multiple mood disorder! >,<