Because Christmas is just a few days away

December 16

Mikmik invited me to sing in their Parish for the Simbang Gabi. Mass will start at 4am but they said that I should be in Landayan at 2:45am because I have to practice my solo, which I haven't perfected yet. But since Eday would be coming with me (because my Mom didn't allow me to travel to Landayan at that wee hour alone), I told them that we would be there at around 3am. Adrian's busy at school, and I didn't want to disturb him that much.

I woke up at 1am, 30 minutes earlier than my alarm. I was texting Eday but I didn't received a single reply. I was even calling him, but he didn't answer his phone.

I went to their house (which is just a few steps away from ours). Their door was still closed. I went inside their compound, and while the dogs were barking at me, I called for him. It was his grandma (I think), who opened the door. I asked her if Adrian was already awake, and then he called Eday and woke him up. Ayun, tulog pa pala siya. He went to the door and muttered a surprised and apologetic, "Ibyang!" with his hair still ruffled. I told him to take a bath already and I'll just wait outside their compound. It was about after 15-20 minutes when he went out and we strode to the tricycle terminal. We were the only passengers and I have to pay 35 pesos. Ako muna yung nagbayad para mapabilis kami.

We looked for the STC (St. Tarcisius' choir; Mikmik's choir). We're not going to sing at the choir loft, sa baba daw kami. They were in front, at the corner. There were seats reserved for us. JanJan was there too.

Kuya Paul was the one who sang the Psalm. So, I sang Simeon's Canticle at the Communion. My solo wasn't... that that I've expected. I mean, it's okay naman, but not what I was expecting from myself. I admit I was a bit disappointed. Naku, kasi e, it was so cold because it was just dawn, plus the aircon inside the church was open, and add the big electric fan which was turned to our direction. So I was sucking all the air and mouth was getting dry.

Of course, I know I shouldn't be blaming other things. Okay na din naman yung kanta. I just promised myself that I'm going to sing it better the next I have the chance.

We ate breakfast at the convent. Kuya Darwin was telling that next time, he wants a girl to sing the Psalm, and then, he's looking at me. I cast my eyes down. The heck. I don't like to sing the Psalm. Not until I am good enough to do it.

We rode a tricycle back to school. Maye's mother payed our fare. Haha.

Ang aga ko tuloy pumasok ngayon. Exam was okay. Math was a bit easy (haha. yabang!), through I was a bit confused at the last part.

December 17

Last day of classes for 2009. We didn't have a Christmas party. Because we're in a Catholic school, we're expected to be one of our brothers who had been affected by the typhoons. So Advent Mass lang ngayon, and other sections will just have simple party. Kami, wala. We're the only section in fourth year who wouldn't even have a simple Christmas party. Blame our ugh adviser. :(

I woke up at around 1am again and made our thesis for only about less than two hours. It wasn't still complete though. I attended the second Simbang Gabi with Louis. We saw Cha after mass. It was only 5:30 when the mass ended. We waited at the gate of Liceo, which wasn't still opened. Later, Kuya Guard let us in. Naawa yata sa'min. XD

We ate puto bumbong at plaza. I don't usually eat puto bumbong, unless someone invited me to. The first time I can remember that I ate it was last year, after the Simbang Gabi where we were the choir. It happened to be Eday's birthday too.

And I realized now that I tasted good. Yum yum! :)

I went home for a while to get my reindeer headband (which I got from Koleen). The six of us were supposed to wear that today, but Koleen wouldn't go to school today, kaya wala din. But I took it, still.

Louis and I, together with Alexa, waited for Jette and Steni at the gate. Alexa wore my reindeer headband. Haha. We waited for them for about an hour; it was almost 7am when they came.

I was still trying to finish the thesis. Dammit, our English teacher didn't even teach us how to do it. I bet other teachers would be laughing at us when they saw the theses our class made, because we just "invented" our own way to do it. DX

I went to Lea's classroom because she said she will give something from me. A Christmas gift! Yay! And guess what was it? A shirt! A yellow shirt (in case you didn't know yet, I hate the color yellow). She said she gave a red shorts to Adrian too (Adrian has "phobia" in red clothes, that's why he doesn't wear them). Naunahan niya nga ako e. I was planning to give him a red shirt on his birthday.

Even it was yellow, I really appreciate Lea's gift. Really. I think I'll wear it when I went to Eday's new house at Langgam on his birthday because I was planning to surprise him. :)

After a few minutes, I received a message from Eday telling that they were in the church already. Dalawa pala ang misa. So Ayyah and I hurriedly went to church. Good thing it wasn't starting yet.

I asked Ayyah to correct our thesis. I was planning to ask Mr. Luna to be our thesis adviser. I just can't approach him because he's really... intimidating. He seemed to held his head high whenever he walks. Pero kalog naman siya pag kami-kami. Kaso nahihiya talaga ako e.

So we had two masses. Arbu and I were the only one who sang the new recessional song because the others didn't know it, but I taught it to them so we all sang at the second mass.

After the mass, Sir Bautista indirectly scolded me about the Simbang Gabi. I agreed to Ate Beth that we will sing for the December 23 4am dawn mass kasi. Mr. Bau's voice was stern and I had to fight back the tears. Kasi, ayaw din siguro niyang tumugtog sa'min. I can notice it.

He went down after that and I talked to my members. JanJan, Sir's son, who told me it was okay to sing at the Simbang Gabi, was now telling me to cancel it. Of course I couldn't cancel it, because I've already agreed on it. On the other hand, before I agree on it, I asked them if they could come and they said yes. Tapos ngayon sinasabi nilang ipa-cancel na lang.

I'm close to tears. But at the back of my mind, I told myself that I wouldn't cancel it. Paninindigan ko to.

I talked to them as calmly as possible, and the tears just rolled down. I told them that we're not merely singers, but we serve to. That's our purpose in being a choir right? To serve Him through our voices. And as the president of the Glee Club, I wanted us to participate in the Church. I was always being scolded by the Music Ministry President during meetings because we barely participate in Church activities.

The former presidents had always been doing what Sir Bau says. I mean, the choir hardly changed since first year. We remained the way we were. And as this school year's president, I wanted to be the change. No kidding. I may sound corny, but I told them that. I've been trying to do changes. I'm trying to teach new songs, and attend meetings even I always got scolded. Because I wanted to do and leave something good to the Glee Club before I graduate. Before I leave. I don't want to be a president who just follow what our coordinator says; I wanted to take the initiative.

I told them that if they joined this club to earn extra-curricular grades, I'm not. I joined because I wanted to serve the Church. I wanted to serve Him. I told them that it's just one sacrifice we can do to him. To wake up early to sing for Him, no matter how far our houses were, or even there won't be public vehicles at that hour. If He sacrificed for us, why can't we? Birthday gift man lang namin sa Kanya.

I said all of it. I know I'm being corny, but I also know that what I'm saying is true. I know I may sound like a preaching priest, or a political candidate asking for votes, but I'm just saying what I feel. Gladly, they seemed to be... moved. Haha. I smiled at my corniness, and ask them who can come. The number grew, and we went down. And I was happy. I hope they'll really attend the dawn mass at December 23. :)

Uwian na pagkabalik ko sa school. Well, yung section lang namin, kasi wala naman kaming party. Karen gave me a gift and I warmly thanked her. It was a coin purse. Haha.

I went to Gregory's room and told Mikmik that I could probably come tomorrow for the mass. Mr. Luna told me that there is a mass for the APTA at 3pm later. He seemed approachable so I asked him if he could be our thesis adviser.

"Naku, ang dami ko nang hawak." He told me. I pouted a little. "Pero bigay mo na lang sa'kin mamaya."

I beamed and told him I'll just put it in his table later.

Catherine was inviting me to go with them at Festi, but I told them I can't. Magco-choir pa kami mamaya e. So I went home and slept and did our thesis. When I got back to school, magsisimula na ang mass. Puro Basil nga lang e, who just came from their "shooting" for their Arts project. Walang Peter, nasa party. Sabi nila makaka-attend sila.

Nag-stay pa ako sa school after mass because I need to get Koleen's USB from Mrs. Cacao, and have my TLE project checked. I placed our thesis at Mr. Luna's table. Kulang pa nga yun kasi wala yung history ng Liceo. Wala, revised din yun. Haha.

Basil was making their advertisement. Ang kulit nga e. We didn't ate after mass dahil nga sa advertisement nila, but Ayyah's mother brought food for us. I even talked to her mom and asked her to allow Ayyah to sing on 23. She agreed, and Ayyah was so happy.

I went home after I got Koleen's USB and had my project checked, and greeted the teachers a merry Christmas. Hay, next year ko na ulit sila makikita.

December 18

Dang, I wasn't able to wake up for the Simbang Gabi. 6am na ko nagising. Wala na, di ko na kumpleto.

Mama allowed me to sing in Landayan for the 3pm mass. Hindi rin naman siguro counted sa "Simbang Gabi" kahit magsimba pa ako ngayon.

Eday wasn't with me because they moved to Langgam today. I texted JanJan but I doubt if he received it. So after I got my ESC scholarship paper at the registrar, I went alone to Landayan. I was a bit early. Mikmik said that I'm gonna sing tomorrow for the wedding mass at 3pm in Bayan. Duet daw kami ni JanJan.

I told him that we're gonna have practice tomorrow in Glee Club at 3pm. But I wanted to sing for the wedding mass too. I haven't sing for a wedding before. So after contemplating about it, and consulted Arsie, I moved the practice to 4pm. Tutal 7pm pa naman ang mass.

"Naku, bigay kayo ng bigay sa'kin ng mga kanta e." I mildly complained. Though I like it naman. I mean, I wanted to serve, and I like what I am doing, so it's okay. Kaso, syempre, baka kasi may masabi yung ibang mga members na babae. Okay naman sila Kuya Paul (their President), and Kuya Anton, but I wasn't that close with the girls (like always).

Kuya Darwin made me sing Simeon's Canticle at one part of the mass. I'm glad I was able to sing it well now. Haha.

After that, we had practice for the wedding mass tomorrow. Di dumating si JanJan, so si kuya Paul yung kaduet ko. His voice is so good, so manly, pero... tagilid kasi yun e. Haha.

Mikmik, Kuya Anton, and Kuya Paul sang "Sa'yo Lamang". "Masterpiece" daw nila yun. Grabe. While they were singing, I was having goosebumps. They repeated the chorus for 8 times, and each time they repeat, kuya Darwin transpose the notes higher. GRAAABEEE talaga. I was close to tears. I mean, sa sobrang ganda ng pagkakakanta nila, kikilabutan ka talaga. Grabe, I was squeal. SUPEEEER!

It was dark when we decided to go home. Sabay kaming umuwi ng Kuya Darwin and we talked about random things about the choir on our way. I bet Nicakim is dying to be in my place. >:D

6 DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!~ YAY

Recollection Day

Yesterday, we had our recollection. I wore my lolita shoes and everyone's like wow-ing with it. Haha. >:)

This year's recollection wasn't that awesome; there was no crying and stuffs unlike in the past year. I was wishing that Bro. Edo, our Junior Glee Club adviser who is now in Liceo de Calamba, to be the one to "talk" to us, but it was Bro. Baldemor instead.

We were bored the whole day. As usual, the class was formed into "groups". There are six "groups" in our class, for me. Karen's group, Jorvina's, Eirish's, Cha's, the boys' group, and our group (which is me, Jette, Steni, Koleen, and Jayson).

Because we were bored and really getting sleepy, we did nonsense and stupid things. We barely listen to Bro. Baldemor. Haha. We're baaad. >:P

The only "highlight" to the recollection was the message for the classmates. And it turned out to be like an open forum. Nicakim and Ruiz cried. The kept irritation to one another was said. We lacked cooperation and unity, I noticed. In class activities, they just rely on somebody and won't exert effort. Bahala na. We do things on the last minute. And we won't listen to each other. Mapuputol na lang ang litid mo kakasaway, pero walang mananahimik.

And then, there was the "groupings". I told you our class was composed of groups. It is not really bad to have a group where you belong, but what's ugly with it is we don't mingle with the others. We stay on our group, and that's the root of lack of cooperation. Because we don't open up with the others.

Our "group" was mentioned two times. We don't mingle with the others, they say. I don't know. For me, we talk and laugh with the others as well. Except for Eirish's and Jorvina's group, because... I don't feel like talking to them that much. They have... attitudes, and they're personalities don't fit mine. And you cannot force me to talk and mingle with the people whose personalities don't click with mine.

There was not a single day in the class that no one bitched out with the other. Everyday's always a laughing day, but beneath it all, somebody would always say something bad with each other. I witness it. Even I do some bitching too.

There were some people in the class that I sort of pity. There were some of my classmates that were always... hated and dislike and bullied.

We said sorry to each other afterwards. If I were to be asked, I would like a real open forum so things would be cleared up. I know there would still be bitches and jerks after this. I know it. It's not over. We'll just be back to our old selves again.

After the recollection, we had mass. I was the only choir in there since the first four section had their recollection last week. So I sang in solo. It was okay, except that I sang the offertory song instead the Kordero.

Me: "Bawat huni ng ibon, sa pagdampi--"
Bro. Baldemor: *whispers* Kordero, kordero..
Me: *startled a bit *"Kordero ng Diyos na nag-aalis.."

LOL. I was grinning with myself while singing. But honestly, I didn't feel nervous or embarrassed. Just a little amused with myself. Yan ang nagagawa ng makapal ang mukha! XD

We went to the Main Building afterwards. I immediately looked for the Glee Club. I found them in the Music room and they were only a few of them. And there were only few of them. They just started practicing, and they only practiced one song. I was really irked. The Basil told me they couldn't attend the morning practice because they'll have to practice for Songfest. Bau said the Peter went to a birthday party.

They went on singing some other unnecessary song. I was telling them we have enough time to learn the recessional song but they told me to just sing it next Saturday. Mr. Bautista wasn't around either.

I feel really, really annoyed. I was starting to have a long face. When we were about to go to the church, the others went on and I waited for Ayyah to but snacks. And I was telling her how annoyed I am. And then, stupid tears started to streak on my cheeks.

I was so annoyed. I am so annoyed with the my classmates, with the choir, with my friends, with every people around me. I know it's stupid to be annoyed like that, but I can't help it. It seemed that I always give efforts, doing everything to do my best in everything, and yet people don't appreciate a thing. People rely on me, making me do all the work, but they get the credits afterwards.

I am annoyed with my classmate because they don't cooperate. In activities, they share with my grades that I've worked on. I couldn't just lie down because I want the best, but I couldn't get anything from these people. But in the end, when things turned out wrong, I get all the blame. I would hear hurtful things. I was the wrong one, the stupid one.

I am annoyed with the Glee Club because they seem to join the choir to be excused from class. Para magpasikat sa iba. But I couldn't feel that we're serving. They, or we (I would include myself here), attend the mass so they could be exempted from their household duties. But who are we serving in here? It is all for Him, for HIM. But I bet he doesn't feel the love and the passion in our songs at all.

I am annoyed with myself because I was too plain stupid. For doing all these. For not being able to be like them who just sit and let things the way there are. For giving and giving despite all the pain it cause me.

It was really a recollection day. Because I realize how people treat me, how I treat myself. We're all bitches and jerks, I know, and those bitches and jerks continue to destroy each other.