This is definitely not my day

I knew from the beginning that there would be something wrong this day. I felt it, I felt it the instant that I woke up.

Saturday. I woke up early because we have a choir practice at 8AM for "Harana ni Maria". That's a presentation of every choir in our parish later at 7PM. I sent GM to my contacts and reminded the Glee Club about our practice, and I got to text with Eday and Arsie while washing the dishes.

I was kinda late for the practice because of texting. It was already 8:15 when I reached school. They were still few, though. The CAT officers were at the school quadrangle for the training and I immediately gave the garrison belt buckle to Lea that I borrowed to her when I had our CAT class.

When I saw Jette, he instantly pointed to Steni. Having a low pick-up, I wondered why he was doing that. Then I remembered about Jayson's Visual Basic CD (he asked for a burned copy from our Computer teacher) that Steni borrowed. Sabi co kasi, ipahiram niya na agad kay Jette yung CD para ngayong sabado, ako na yung makakakuha kasi hindi naman na kami magkikita ng sembreak. Kinukulit co nga sila dun e.

Steni smiled--a sheepish smile--and then ran away. I chase after her (LOL. My small limbs versus her long ones). Naabutan co siya at nacorner, at sinabi niya nakalimutan niyang wala sa kanya ang CD dalhin.

"Tanong mo pa kay Jette!"

"Kasabwat mo siya e!" I accused her jokingly. Trip na kasi namin ang "um-acting", at baka nanti-trip na naman siya.

"Hindi. Pramis! Di aco na-acting ngayon."

Matapos siyang kulit-kulitin, tinantanan co na rin si Steni, pero pabiro pa rin akong nagpaparinig.

At habang naghihintay sa ibang choir, nagkukwentuhan kami. Hanggang ang kwentuhan ay nauwi sa asaran at okrayan. I wasn't really feeling good for teasing, so just shut my mouth and occasionally grin whenever I need to.

The others came. Lea told me that they would just eat merienda. She even invited me with them but I refuse because they were all CAT officers and I might not catch up with them. After some time, when my choirmates finished buying and eating their food, I told them that we'll practice. Vocalization, kaysa naman nakatunganga lang kami dahil wala pa si Sir.

So I initiate the vocalization. I wasn't really feeling good. Well, not physically, but it's just I seemed to be not in the mood. I pointed the Tenor (which was Arbu and Eday) for a part of vocalization, and the note seemed to be too high for them. Their voice faltered, then they laugh. I wasn't in the mood to laugh with them. I made them repeat it, and then they laughed again. Most especially Eday. And I knew I was loosing it. I'm close to my boiling point.

They seemed to notice it too, for everyone kept quiet. Well, almost everyone. Adrian was still erupting into silent giggles.

"Ano ba yan?" I said in a stern voice, in the most calm voice I could manage that time. "Ulit." I told them. When it was tenor's part again, nagtawanan na naman sila.

I shut my mouth up. I stared blankly at nothing. I could feel it, I could feel the annoyance building up inside me. The anger. The anger for them and for myself. Through my silence, they tried getting the note again, but I know they're not serious. Adrian's still giggling. I heard Remo said, "Tama na, Eday."

"Magaling na ba kayo?" I said, my jaws clencing. "Magaling na ba kayo?!" The girls muttered a low "hindi".

"Akala niyo kasi ang gagaling niyo na eh! Tawanan ng tawanan, di bale sana kung magaganda ang boses. Yan ang mahirao sa inyo e, wala kayong respeto." I said something more, and I couldn't help the tears. Shit. That really made me annoyed to myself. I hate crying in this kind of occasion. I hate crying when I am the "authority" because I seem to be... weak. Because it seems that I could handle these kind of things. I really hate it. Pero wala, mababaw talaga ang luha ko. I cannot hold it back.

"Bastos!" I yelled angrily before more tears could come, and turned back at them to walk away. The first place I went is PEAC. This has always been my refuge, my sanctuary.

I maybe made a fuzz over nothing. That was maybe a really little thing. But for me, it's not. It's a big deal. Because Eday was involved. My friends were involved. The people I love and cherish and regarded as important. I just cannot accept that the people I love were the ones who hurt me, the people I cherish were disrespect me.

Everything's just too unfair! Sa SSG, sa Gatekeeper, I know everyone look down at me. Everyone regarded me as the "weakest link". "Walang silbi", someone jokingly told me one time. For them, I'm just a shitass loser.

But haven't I proven myself yet? Haven't I done all the things that I could do? Were my efforts not enough? Dammit. If they don't want me, I don't want them either!

Bebe texted me, saying sorry several times. I went back home. Siguro pa-epal lang talaga aco, but I was waiting for them to apologize. Especially Eday. They could easily reach me; they could text me or go to my house. Pero wala. Which means patigasan kami. Bahala sila.

Pero hindi ako nakatiis. I texted Lea to ask what they are doing. Nandun na daw si Sir Bautista and their practicing. Darn.

Pinadaan co si Ayyah sa bahay so we could come to school together. I was wearing a serious face when I got there. May bago ngang kanta, and I didn't know it. I didn't care to ask. Hindi co sila pinapansin, tutal hindi rin naman nila ako pinapansin. Alde was the first one to talk to me, pero hindi rin ako masyadong nagsasalita. Mr. Bautista asked me why I wasn't around in the morning, and I told him that I had been in school, but I went home.

Darn. I wanted to swear.

Medyo um-okay na ako maya-maya. Pero di pa rin ako masyadong namamansin. We were late for the mass because we practiced pa. Wala tuloy opening mass. Hindi dun sa usual na pwesto umupo sila Eday at Remo, which is just beside me. They sat on the other corner. Hn.

We went back to school after mass. My head was aching. We were given sandwiches, merienda daw namin. Galing yata kay Ms. Rasdas. We went back to church at 7pm.

I noticed that Remo wasn't talking to me too. Si Eday, we're ignoring each other pa rin. I was just worried because since Eday was involved, Ginnique would be involved too. And my other affiliations as well, which are mostly the same as Eday's. So great, everything's ruined.

Pero pinansin ako ni Remo nung may pinapasabi sa'kin. Which is a good sign.

Kinabahan kami nung kumanta yung unang choir. Sheda, ang galing. Nung turn na namin, may mga sablay. It wasn't that good. But it wasn't that shameful either. I jokingly told them that if we failed at this, I won't attend in any meeting in the Music Ministry na. Pero makaka-aattend pa naman ako. :)

I was surprised when the next choir started to sing and my choirmates suddenly stood up. I thought na pinapauwi na kami ni Sir. Kakain lang daw pala dun sa may Parish Hall. Nainis ako. Bakit nung kami naman ang kumakanta, wala naman biglang umalis ah. At isang batalyon pa kaming nagtayuan. I stayed, with Ayyah and Mae. We finished the song.

Naiinis ako. Ayan ang problema sa choir e. Mga walang respeto! Imagine, kami kaya ang ganunin, for sure maiinis kaming lahat. At umalis sila dahil sa pagkain! Samantalang walang ibang choir na gumawa nun. Di bale sana kung napakakagaling namin e. Napaghahalataang mga PG!

When the song ended, I approached my choirmates. I was really annoyed. At sinermunan co sila. They tried to reason out, and they said Sir Bau was the one who told them to go. Para namang walang mga utak, nasan kaya mga manners nila! Naturingang galing kami sa Catholic school. But when Sir Bau was the one who talked to me, napilitan akong mag-okay. Gaah.

Hindi na ako nag-merienda. Lamunin nila yon. Ayyah and I went back to church and I out of the sudden, I ranted. Nagsabi talaga ako ng mga sama ng loob ko. And I cried. After that, I felt better. Bahala na sila sa buhay nila. Bakit ko ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko sa mga taong ayaw naman sa'kin? I was blinded by my love for those people because they're important to me, but they're hurting me over and over again. If they don't want me, fine! May mga tao naman na handang tanggapin kung sino at ano ako. My world doesn't revolve around them anymore. They're still important to me, I admit, pero dapat siguro na magising na ako. Parati na lang ako ang kawawa sa kanila, maybe it's time to let go of the things that are hurting you already.

When I went back home, mugto pa rin mata co. And I realize that bangs are really helpful. XD

Great Day!~

June 20, 2009; Saturday

I had a very great day. I laughed so much; everyone seemed to be so happy. How I wish this will always happen. =D

I woke up at six in the morning, contrary to what I’ve planned to wake up at 5am. It’s still early, though.

Before 7am, I was on my way to school. The outside of Liceo was full of fourth year students because we would be having our fist CAT. Too bad I can’t join them now. The Gatekeeper staff will be going to Liceo de Los Baños for the seminar in campus journalism.

I immediately looked up for the other staffers. Adrian and the others were in the bulletin side. So, Jaymiriz would also be in the presscon. I sighed in my mind. The misunderstanding between the two of us isn’t cleared up yet. T_T

“Seminar ang pupuntahan natin, hindi modeling.” Adrian joked upon seeing my favorite high-heeled sandals on my feet.

Mou, I want like this one. :)

“Bahala ka, kapag nadapa ka, di ka namin kilala.” Ginnique said, then acted a monologue. “’Yung kasama niyo, nadapa o!’ ‘Ay, di namin kasama yan!’” And the laughter erupted.

Ms. Varcas would be the one to accompany us because Mr. Luna has to attend his classes in PNU. He’s taking up his masterals, by the way.

After minutes of waiting, Jeje and Gerard finally came. Gerard was the one chosen instead of Chalson in photojournalism. Gerard, our photographer who didn’t even bring a camera. Oh, great.

Ayyah was the last one to come, to think that she told me she will come early. When she arrived, we prepared ourselves to go. We boarded on the school’s van. Mou, I’m seated at the back. x]

Just a few minutes after we stared travelling, Adrian borrowed Jay’s newspaper to “read news”, but ended up on the daily horoscope page. My horoscope said that a sudden melancholia would be coming on this day. Yay!

We didn’t make to much noise on the rest of the travel. Ugh, some of us are feeling dizzy, including me. I feel like throwing up at any moment (but of course, I never throw up during trips).

After more than an hour, we reached LDLB. And we saw Mrs. Escobin, our first year English teacher. I think she’s already teaching in here.

Licceo de Los Baños is already a familiar place for me. I’ve been here when I was in sixth-grader when we competed in inter-Liceo choir competition. We also made a stop over here on our way home from the presscon when I was in first year.

We occupied the room at the lower part. IV-St. Augustine. The room was air-conditioned but we still feel dizzy. Ugh.

“Ayun o, may CR. Dun ka mag-‘blow’.” Jaymiriz suddenly said… to me!

I looked at him and then grope him at the neck. Yay! Bati na kami!

Mrs. Evelyn Navia was the lecturer. I know her because she had already conducted a workshop on us back in freshmen year.

There are 56 of us in the room. Forty-five were from LDLB, plush the 11 of us. I think they haven’t arranged their positions yet.

At 9:30, we had a break. “Working break” was what it is called because we have to finish a news article Ms. Navia asked us to do. =,=

The seminar continued on. Because I had slept at past three in the morning, I felt sleepy. Yaawn.

We had lunch before 12 noon. Because some of us didn’t bring packed lunch, we went to Jollibee. Ayah said she wanted to go to UPLB and even texted Haiezel so we can meet her up. She’s in Manila, unfortunately.

We reached the mall-like place. I remembered that this is where we saw a woman with colorful umbrella on our way to Pakil for the leadership training. LOL.

After they ordered their food, we began eating our lunch. And because both Ayyah and I brought packed lunch, we just ordered swirly bits for dessert. ^^

Gaah, we haven’t finished the editorial Ms. Navia asked us to do. Never mind, I am to lazy to do that. ;p (<-Don’t imitate this lazy feature editor. XD) We’re already full and it’s already 1pm so we decided to go back, even we still want to wander around. We gave our fare to Gerard so it would be easier to give them to the driver. Ayyah was helping Gerard count the coins when Adrian hailed a jeepney. I thought the driver didn’t see us but the vehicle slowed. I think it not the proper place to load passengers but the jeep slowed a little, waiting for us, though it didn’t really stop. We leisurely walked toward it. I was about to comment that the driver may have be intending us to run after his jeep until we reach LDLB when we realized that the jeep isn’t stopping.

We ran after it. And the heck, I was wearing a super high-heeled stilettos! XD

Some of us were on the entrance of the jeep while the others were still struggling to get it. I had a foot on the ‘tungtungan’ when someone pushed me away! T_T The jeep was still moving and I could feel the heels of my sandals screeching against the rough road. Dang! When finally I was able to step on the jeep, I was still hanging on the entrance, holding on the bars like a tarsier, literally, in fear of being left behind. Geez, pakiramdam co makakaladkad aco e. O hindi naman kaya e yung katulad sa anime na matatangay ka horizontally. You could have seen my legs as it hug the bars! FIRST TIME CONG SUMABIT SA JEEP!! HAHAHAHAHA! XD Good thing someone helped me in.

I thought I was the last person to board. But when I looked behind, I saw Ayyah and Jeje running after the jeep!

“Hoy, sandali!! Pamasahe co!” Jeje cried as she run after the jeepney. If you just saw the expression in their face, it was LOL-some!! PRICELESS!!!! HAHAHAHA!

The driver finally slowed a little, allowing Ayyah and Jeje to ride on the vehicle. And we were all laughing so hard. Kanda sakit na tiyan namin kakatawa, maluha-luha na kami. Grabe, this is sure some kind of extraordinary experience!

The jeep was full of laughter that we didn’t even notice that we’re already on LDLB. We thought that the seminar is already starting, but we’re still laughing as we walk to the room. Di kami maka-recover e. Good thing Ms. Navia wasn’t there yet.

And as I walk toward my seat, I tripped on my own foot. So much of laughing like crazy. =_=

We continued doing our work, and I couldn’t put a meaningful on my editorial. Gaah, seems like I lost all the ideas in my head because of what happened. Nyaha, nakalog yata ang utak co! XD

It’s not necessary, anyway. We already have our designated positions. I think Ms. Navia only asked us to do this to determine the positions of LDLB’s staffers.

The hours went on. Gaah, I’m getting sleepy again. I exchanged seat with Jeje and sat beside Adrian when it’s time to discuss Feature writing because I can’t clearly see the words scrawled on the board because I’m in the corner seat. Nang gumawa ‘tong si Jayjay ng kalokohan. He drew a pair of eyes on a piece of horizontal paper, then placed it over his own eyes. We were giggling again. It was intended to ‘hide’ our sleeping eyes (as if it is possible).

Maybe Ms. Navia noticed that we’re getting sleepy so we ‘evacuated’ on another room. This time we occupied a room from the school building on the entrance. The building looked a little like “T2” because it’s a bit spooky.

Ms. Navia discussed Sports Writing. And after that, the seminar ended. Whoa, it's only 3:30pm. Yatta! We can attend the choir! =D

But Ms. Varcas said that our service will come at 5pm. Yay! The service should come now!

While waiting for our service, nanghiram sila Jayjay ng bola ng basketball para makapaglaro kami. At naglaro nga kami, I tried shooting while wearing my stilettos but I failed no matter how many time I tried. x)

When we got tired from playing, we just sat and waited at the entrance while talking about those funny moments. The experience with the jeep a while ago, the happenings in leadership training, the happy moments--we laughed aloud on them. I never laughed this way for a long time. Just now, just on moments like these, can I laughed until my jaw and my stomach hurt. Just when I am with my friends.

At 4pm, our service came. Yada! Inagawan co ng pwesto si Ginnique, naso-suffocate kasi talaga aco sa pwesto co e. Nandun tuloy aco sa may side ng bintana at si Ginnique naman ay tumabi kay Miss sa driver's seat.

I asked Adrian to open the window beside me because I couldn't open it. At nagsimula na ang ingay sa sasakyan. Habang umaandar yung van, nagsisisigaw kami sa mga tao sa labas ng "Hi!". Well, pasimuno aco e. Hehe.. Tawanan kami ng tawanan at gumaya naman sila. Palakpakan kami kapag kinakawayan din kami ng mga tao. Bwahahaha! Yeah, we're like crazy people. XD

Siguro nasa Calamba na kami ng mapagod kami kakakaway sa mga tao sa labas. The trip back was fast. Great, we're going to make it on the mass.

As soon as we reached the school and stepped out of the van, we immediately run to the CR. Haha. Super puputok na pantog co e. The other choir went to the church and we came running after them.

Pag-akyat co sa choirbox--WAW! Nagulat aco e. Punong-puno ng tao ang choirbox. Siksikan na nga e. Lahat yata ng choir members e umattend. My sermon paid off!

I felt so happy. Nakakatuwa. Ang dami namin ngayon. Ang huling pagkakataon na ganito karami ang umattend sa choir e nung first year pa aco.

Dun aco puwesto sa may dulo, sa may electric fan. Super inet kase e, ang haggard co na. Di pala kakanta ng salmo ngayon si Siacey kase di nakapagpractice but we will be singing a new song for the communion. Good thing I know the song.

The bell ran, signaling the start of the mass. And I was surprised on how powerful our voice are. Ang lakas nung kanta namin, hindi katulad na nag-istruggle kami kasi kakaunti lang yung mga umaattend. Choir nga pala kami, I thought. Not just a group of five singers, but a choir. I feel so happy and proud. Silly as it may sound, but I feel like crying. I couldn't help the smile on my lips. I looked at Adrian ang we exchange meaningful glances. Yes, I know he felt the same way as me.

I made the high ending on the entrance song and Papuri. Buti na lang nakaya co. Medyo nakakatawa lang aco sa ending ng Papuri kase masyadong mataas yung note kaya napataas co pa yung paa co para maabot yung tono. Bu I did good, I think. I was the only one to sing the high ending pero nangibabaw yung boses co. ^^

Sumamblay lang kami sa may Communion Song, "Awit ng Paghahangad". Yung voicing kasi ng alto e. Pero okay lang, unang bese lang naman kasing kantahin yung song e. But we did very good. Sana parating maraming aattend. And I told that to them when the mass ended.

I asked Mabel to lead the prayer. She was Mr. Bautista's daughter and a new member.

Nagkayayaan kami sa 7-eleven, pero pupunta pa sila Remo sa Novo kaya nauna na kami nila Jayjay, Arbu, At Gerard. Gaah, pagod at gutom na aco. Pero sinundo naman ni Eday si Gerard, may pupuntahan yata sila.

It's almost 8pm when I went home. Mama immediately told me to take a bath with hot water. Too paranoid of me catching a "flu". Iba na talaga ang nagagawa ng H1N1 sa mga tao. But I obeyed her. After taking a bath, I went to bed and slept, not even caring to eat dinner. Kumain anman na aco sa 7-eleven ng Teki Shomen e.

My day is super great. There are so many happy things that happened, and the sadness didn't came, contary to what my horoscope said. I wish my dys would always be this great :)

DCSS-SSG Leadership Taining

After so many conflicts, I was able to join the Leadership Training. Whew! Ang dami pang dramahan bago aco makatuloy nun!

Sabi ni Adrian, 3pm daw ang assembly sa school. I was even ready before 3pm. Kaya lang sabi co baka naman masyado acong maaga. Muka nga acong tanga e. Iniisip co, "What if hindi pala talaga aco kasama?", "What if nananaginip lang pala aco nung time na pupunta sila Eday sa bahay?". Haha. Paranoid.

Dahil feeling co e maaga pa, una cong dinala yung big bag ang pillow co, leaving my body bag and other things behind.

Pero pagdating co, nilalagay na nila yung mga gamit sa van. Hala! Late na ba co? Dali'dali acong bumalik ng bahay at kinuha yung iba co pang gamit.

Pero hindi pa naman pala aco late. Actually naghintay pa kami ng iba e.

Sayang nga kasi si Wani, hindi makakapunta. So wala nang P.I.O. Sabi kasi ni Sir. Kapag di ka umattend ng Leadership Training, tanggal ka na. E yung pwesto co as 4th year representative, ewan co lang kung aco na talaga yun. >__>

Si Bing na lang ang hinihintay, yung 2nd year representative namin. Pinuntahan na nga nila Gerard at Eday e. At pagbalik nila, ayun, di nila kasama si Bing. Pa'no daw kasi, nakahanda na yung mga gamit pag'alis, nakabihis na rin. Talagang aalis na lang. Kaso yung tatay niyang masungit, ayaw siyang paalisin. Yung mama kasi yata niya yung kausap niya tungkol sa Leadership Training e, e wala pa.

Kaya ayun, umalis kami ng hindi kasama si Bing. Sayang talaga. >__<