Saturday is actually my favorite day and I am always on this day of the week because I really like singing in the choir, plus I will be able to be with my close friends, who happened to be choir members too.
So I really looked forward for this day, as usual. There were already a number of my choir mates when I got in school. They noticed the big, long earrings that I was wearing. Ka-landian co talaga o!
Hindi na rin kami nag-practice, tutal e kokonti lang naman kami e. Instead, we talked about various stuff, ranted on that damned
Tinanong co pala kung ano yung nangyari sa TOBS (Top Outstanding Boy Scout) na sinalihan ni Eday. I had mentally noted myself to ask him about that because I dreamt this week that I asked him about it, at sabi niya dun sa panaginip co, nakapasok siya sa Nationals at pang-4th siya.
Pasok nga daw siya sa National. Haha! Super pray aco para sa kanya dun. Ang guess what? Pang-fourth nga siya! WAW! Nagkatotoo yung dream co? Sabi niya nga daw, managinip ulit aco na nanalo siya sa Nationals. XD
I haven't still gotten over my love for piggy-back rides. Nagkukulitan kami ni Eday when he crouched and I groped him at the neck. I ended riding at his back. I was squealing like a little child as he run around, jumping up and down. Tumalon pa nga siya sa stage e, at tili-tawa aco. XD
I am so so child-like, I know. Fourth year na aco, pero gustong-gusto co pa ring napasan. Yeah. Yeah. I am so childish. =D
Nakatambay sila Jette, Alexa, at Luis sa may tabi ng flagpole. Luis called me at pinagtripan din ang aking hikaw. Haha. Tumambay din muna aco sa kanila. We were laughing so hard about the mural at the wall on the tunnel. Kamuka daw kasi ni Dolphy. Hahaha!
We went to the church before 5pm. Kuya Darwin, a LDSP alumnus and former Glee Club member, was the one who played piano for us. Maingay na naman nga e, kaya saway aco ng saway. Kuya Darwin even commented nung sinasaway co sila, "Parang aco lang dati ah."
Yeah, I remember that time when I was still on First and Second year when Kuya Darwin keeps on hushing us whenever we make noise. How fast the time flies! Ngayon, aco na ang sumasaway.
Okay pa aco nung una. I was still tolerating it at first kahit sitsit na aco nang sitsit. Pero nung bago mag-communion, na-bad trip na talaga aco. I shut my mouth and let them. Hindi na rin aco masyadong kumanta.
Di na nga aco sumabay sa Recessional kaya nagkagulo-gulo na. Tapos nung mukang nalito sila dun sa last part at nagkamali, nagtawanan pa. Nakakabad-trip e. So after taking off the cord from the mic, I told them, almost harshly, to sit down. Umalis na nga si Kuya Darwin nang hindi man lang aco nakapagpasalamat.
Nagsimula na ang panenermon co. Nakakainis kasi. Sinasaway nang paulit-ulit, ayaw pang magsitahimik. Nakakabastos na e, walang mga respeto. Palibhasa, nakikipag-biruan aco sa kanila. I am not laying my authority that much because I don't want to be an "authority figure". Umaabuso na e. Hindi naman porke mga kaibigan co sila, pababayaan co na lang.
I was somewhat close to tears. Ganito talaga aco kapag galit, naiiyak. But I didn't cry. There was just a lump of my throat, but I didn't cry. I'm laying my "authority", and authorities don't cry.
O, nung napagalitan saka nagsipag-tahimik. Kala mo mga maamong tupa e. Kailangan pa papagalitan muna.
Wala na. Bad trip na talaga aco. Nakakainis kasi e. Matapos ipaalala ang tungkol sa pesteng collared shirt na ilang linggo co nang ipinaalala sa kanila pero 13 pa lang ang nagpapasa, binirahan co sila ng walk-out. I just heard someone leading the prayer as I walk down the stairs. Si Gerard yata yun.
I walked with a straight face. I felt my jaws clenching, my brows furrowing. I headed to PEAC, and forgot to ask for the sign in my prayer book. Next week co na lang papapirmahan. Bad trip aco, and all I wanted at that time was to talk to Him.
Ayoko pa naman sa lahat, yung naba-bad trip. Ayoko kaya ng seryoso aco. Hindi aco sanay at alam cong hindi sanay ang mga tao. Ayoko ng galit aco. But I had to lay my authority. I had to be angry. I was angry, and the annoyance I felt wasn't something I could and should keep.
Naiinis talaga aco. Naiinis aco sa mga ka-choir co at sa sarili co. Yes, I am annoyed mostly to myself.
Bakit nung time naman ni Ate Jen, ni Ate Beth, ni Ate Pam, hindi naman ganito? I mean, sumusunod agad sa kanila ang choir. Ganun ba talaga? Hindi ba talaga aco karespe-respeto? Don't I deserve respect?
Maybe it was because they "grew up" with me. Dahil matagal na nila acong kilala that's why they don't fear me anymore. Maybe it was all because of childishness. Maybe it was because they even look more matured than me. Maybe because I am small, that's why they think so little of me.
Nakakainis. I was looking forward for this day. I was looking forward for a peaceful, heart-touching mass, looking forward for great singing, looking forward for time with my friends. Pero nasira lang lahat.
**
I was still annoyed when I got home, but it gradually faded.
Arbu PMed me in YM, and apologized. I accepted his apology, and just told him na hindi aco pupunta sa kanila para kunin yung shirts na ilang beses co nang pinapalala sa kanila; sila ang maghanap sa'kin.
Napatunayan co na I couldn't still hold anger for too long. Aco talaga yung taong magagalit, pero mawawala na rin mayamaya. Aco yung taong madaling amuhin.
I don't know how will I act when I saw them again, or how will I treat them next Saturday. Basta, hindi na aco papayag na maulit na naman na ganito. I still don't like to lay authority, but if I must, I will.
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