Classes Resumed

I prepared for school excitedly because I'm really glad that classes have resumed. Though I'm still doubting it if there are classes or not because of the news, I went happily to school, and saw other Liceans walking their way to school.

As usual, we assembled in the quadrangle for the daily rosary. Though it had been continuously raining for days, this morning was a sticky and a little warm. And irritating. I let my hair down pa naman.

A certain first year section was the one who led the rosary. And I was really pissed with the first year level eversince because they're bunch of... irritating kids. And I was even more irritated with them when a certain girl sang the songs in a really really really out of tune way. I don't know why it really got me pissed, but they just make blood boil.

I went to Basil's room because Ayyah asked me to take home some of her things last Friday because she have lots of things to bring home. And I was about to return it her. But she wasn't in the class. Uh. The choir members in Basil started to apologize for not coming last Saturday. Of course I understand. They asked me what happened, and who attended, and I started to tell them what everything happened. Everything. And they were laughing and teasing me afterwards.

I went back to my room. This morning was quite uneventful. I was laughing and teasing and laughing and joking and laughing really hard with Jette and Steni and Jayson like we always used to.

We all forgot to bring poster/water color for our Arts class. And I forgot to bring my sketch pad. We were asked to draw and paint an animal using the primary colors only. We could mix them up if we wanted to achieve other colors, though.

And because I didn't have my sketch pad or my poster paint, I didn't do anything. Well, I could find a way so I could draw, but really, I'm not in the mood. x( And I don't like drawing or writing when I am not in the mood. Especially it's an animal! And I am not good in drawing animals.

Inokray-okray namin yung gawa ni Jette. He was supposedly drawing a turtle, and well, it looks like a cave. Haha. And then we did something on it and it looked like a cap. I was really laughing so hard that my stomach hurt.

I went home for lunch. And Mama left the key inside the house! We tried to open it, but it won't open. I told her that we should break the door. She called on the landlady, and good thing she have duplicate keys. Yay!

Mama need to go to office at 1pm, so I used the computer. The phone rang at quarter to two, and it was Ayyah. She was asking me--no, ordering is the right term--meet her in MiniStop. She skipped her morning classes because she woke up late, and we had agreed last night to see each other and babble together. I told her I was using the computer, but she's persistent. The little witch. She gave me 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes. And I still had to take a bath and all.

It was raining again when I went out of the outside. I frowned at the weather. Not that I hate the rain--I love it, even--but this is all too abnormal.

Ayyah wasn't still in MiniStop, so I went back to my house to get her things she asked me to bring home because I forgot it. I saw her at the street. Because MiniStop was somewhat crowded, we went to 7eleven and bought coffee. We talked and babbled about things, and I told her na naiinis ako sa kanya at kay Lea dahil naglulumandi sila, samantalang ako e hindi. It's unpeyr!

At that moment, I realized that my friends are growing up. Even Ayyah and Lea. For a swift moment, I felt panic at one corner of my heart. Because Ayyah and Lea are like me in some ways, and we've seen each other lives, and they aren't really girly-girly girls, just like me, kahit pa sabihin may mga kalandian kami sa katawan. And they're growing up, while me, I'm being left behind.

But really, I am happy for them. Kinukunsinti ko pa nga ang mga kalandian nila. 8D

And maybe, it was because they're growing up, and me, I matured... emotionally. And the situation that I am into doesn't allow me na magmalandi, because the identity my special someone should be kept a secret. *shot*

We went back to school five minutes before 3pm. My socks were already soaking when we got to school because of the rain and I couldn't keep like that for three hours, so I went back home to change socks. I gave Dizon my bag so I wouldn't be accused as late. But I realized that it will all be the same--my socks would be wet again by the time I reach school, so I grabbed a pair of wedges instead. Besides, my shoes were soaking too.

Jette and Steni were wearing slippers, and they told me na super heels ako. They were teasing me about how small my feet were. Like me always defense, I answered them that I would be a 'thing' to the Chinese because I got little feet, and Chinese are rich! Haha! Dizon even smelled my feet (really he placed his nose on it!), and it's smelly daw. HAH! I snicked at him and just raised a brow because I know they don't smell. He even measured my feet with a ruler. Eight inches! XD

Mr. del Rio, by some miracle, didn't attend classes. There were a lot of absents too and we were just twenty-something. We didn't had our English class too. And they kept on teasing and teasing me about my feet. Okay lang naman, I'm pretty much contented with who and what I am and I don't really care if I am small or what. Small things are cute, btw! *shot*

I went to Basil's room so I could walk home with Ayyah. I saw her crying at the locker's area with Revilla comforting her. Lea came and we comforted her together. Uhm, I think I know the reason. And when I asked her, I was right.

"Anu ka ba, 'wag mong pinapansin yung ibang tao nu. Hayaan mo nga sila. Sinong bang nagkakasala, ikaw ba? Hindi. And besides, aanhin mo ang mga taong hindi ka binibigyan ng importansya kung alam mo namang may mga kaibigan kang handang i-accept ka. Nagtatampo ako sa'yo, kinakalimutan mo na yatang may mga kaibigan ka! Nandito kami o!" I told her.

She hushed later. And before we went home, we headed first to PEAC to pray.

I decided to make my Arts activity tonight. I even asked my friends in YM what animal is good to draw. Miya said,a bird (Ibong Adarna! XD); Karu-chan, a parrot; and Ariane... a carabao! LOL. I chose the parrot. Here's the finished product:

Although it wasn't really that awesome, I'm proud of myself because I was able to draw an animal. Yeeha! Btw, the thing that the parrot is looking into is a snail. The colors weren't really that good in my webcam. DX

Nothing Really Matters

No, no. This is not an angsty post. And though this one is days late, I'll still post it now. :)

Though I usually keep a confident attitude, I also get worried about what other people will think about me. I am such an eccentric person, and often misunderstood too. I know people have different opinions about me--positive ones, and probably more negative thoughts.

Though I say that people's opinions don't really matter, of course they somewhat affect me too. In everything I do, I cannot help but think of what other people will say. I may ignore them, but at the back of my mind, what they say will always have an impact on me, no matter how little it may seem.

But when my friends are with me, do they really matter? When the people I love are ready to accept me for who and what I am, are they really important? No. My friends--the people that I value most--they are the real important persons to me.

Their opinion are what really matters to me. What they think of me is what's really important. The world may turn it's back on me., but when I see them smile at me, I would be okay. Other people may think too little of me, but when I know that my friends are ready to accept me, it doesn't really matter. People who pretend to me my "friends" may say bad things about me--on my back or straight to my face--but when I know that the people I cherish really understand me and love me, nothing really matters.

Nothing really matters but them. My friends. Real friends.

I'm glad that you continue to stay with me through and through. I'm glad that you're always there for me. On the surface, I may look okay, but beneath, I was trying to mend myself. And you stayed with me, enduring my tantrums and caprices. You never left me. You help me bring my self-esteem back.

I don't know what I did to deserve people as awesome as you are. Thank you guys!

You may not be able to read this blog entry, but I will make you feel how thankful am I to have friends as good as you are. Thank you. You are all the best!

Blogs That I Follow

Since I am being bored and I wanted to blog but I don't have something to share because I was just here in the house, I'll just post the blogs that I usually visit. :)

A Little Voice Within
(http://chibivy.wordpress.com)

- My private blog in Wordpress. Some posts are password-protected so you can't read them without asking me what the password is. x)

An Angel's Unfolded Wings
(http://rookie-chan.livejournal.com)

- Ayyah's blog in LJ. I was telling her to move to Blogger na but she just love her LJ the way I blog my BS. Her posts are 'For Friends Only' so you can't read them if you aren't her friend in LJ.

Automatic Petals
(http://automaticpetals.blogspot.com)

- Ariane's blog. I usually have the tab of her blog open while I'm doing things in my computer because I lalalalove the songs in it. Piano instrumentals are really soothing; working on my PC without a background music is kinda lame and other songs are just too distracting, and really, I am beginning to adore Yiruma now. XD

balut & natto
(http://garando.blogspot.com)

- I saw this link in Japinoy.com forums. This is about Garando, a Filipino, and his Japanese wife, Garandee. I find his stories humorous, too.

Drawing Imperfect Circles
(http://ruchichan.blogspot.com)

- Ruchi/Lucille's blog. I find the name of her blog cute. I was actually thinking of a verb + adjective + noun name for my new official blog in BS.

Dreams in the Dusk
(http://silverdusk07.blogspot.com)

- Louise blog. I find her picture posts cute too because they were edited in an anime-ish way. Plus her blog music is a piano instrumental too so it's lalalove.

I, for one, forbid you.
(http://lavendermassacre.blogspot.com)

- Mau's blog. Before, I have hard time visiting her site because I always mistook the spelling of lavender as lavander. LOL. /stupid self.

LUCKYVONNE
(http://luckyvonne.blogspot.com)

- Ate Jhaey's blog. It was actually her that made me think of Blogger when I was thinking of putting up an "online diary" because I saw her blog link in Friendster. She seems to be in hiatus, though.

Someday, we will find what we're living for.
(http://fiction-junkie.blogspot.com)

- Karuru's blog. Just recently linked her blog and added it in my Blogs I'm Following in my Dashboard.

Stapled Rainbow
(http://tracinginfinity.blogspot.com)

I stapled a rainbow in my notebook. Mine forever to keep. To hope for little happiness in my deep sleep.

- Cabel's blog. I find her blog name and blog description, as well as her blog URL, cute (Sorry, I don't know the blog description of the others because you're using a "blogskin".) The name of my new offcial blog could be a adj + n or v + n too! I think she's also moving to WP, though?

The Foolish Traveler
(http://thefoolishtraveler.wordpress.com)

- Formerly using BS, Kriselle is now a WP user. I find her college life kewl. Plus the conversation she posts are funny too!

The Pancake Batter Anomaly
(http://thepancakebatteranomaly.blogspot.com)

- Aina's blog. I find her blog name cute too. I heard it's from a program whatsoever named The Big Bang Theory or something? (Don't know, sorry). Her layout is very LJ-ish too. :)

Yay! <3
(http://syntaxerrorboom.blogspot.com)

- Apyl-neechan's blog. I think she's on hiatus, though, because her last post was like, uhm, last August?

I used to follow some other blogs too (like those of my former classmates'), but I unfollow blogs that were abandoned by the owner. These blogs were currently the blogs that I follow.

One thing I love Blogger is that it allows me to follow blogs and check out whenever they have new posts agad. Well, at the bottom part of the Dashboard, you could click the Add button, the type the URL of the blog you want to follow, hit Next, and so on and so forth. Whenever the people that I follow made a new post in their blogs, I was able to know because it is shown in the Reading List plus the except of their post, instead of always visiting the site to check out for new posts. I could also follow other blog sites other than Blogger too.

Visit 'em too!




P.S.
I hope you guys don't mind me putting the link of your blogs in this post. Or... do you?

No Classes

Classes were suspended today because of Ondoy. I didn't know if I should be happy about it or what.

I woke up at four in the morning, but ended up sleeping in the couch until 5am. When I woke up again, I turned on the television to watch the news if there are suspended or not.

I never liked the idea of having no classes because it means staying at the house, but for a swift moment, I wanted the classes to be canceled. I was kinda lazy to prepare and go to school, and my uniform weren't pressed yet so I would have to do that before going to school and I was lazy to do that too, plus Filipino project wasn't still complete. And with this kind of weather, I just want to snooze off the whole day.

But thinking about school, the desire to have the classes suspended burst like a bubble. Cards' giving was supposed to be today, and--through I am a bit nervous about my grades--I am excited to see it. Class picture was supposed to be today too. Plus Adrian would be going to Manila for the National Top Outstanding Boy Scout and I want to wish him a goodluck. And for some reason, I don't want to miss a day in school now. And I wouldn't be able to see my special someone, too. *shot*

Our telephone was malfunctioning so I went to school instead to know if there are classes or not. The outer gate was locked, and on the inner gate, there was a posted announcement that there will be no classes today. Field trip will also be re-scheduled.

I felt somewhat dismayed. No classes? It means no baon (I'm saving money for the field trip), and no special someone.

I went back to the house. I couldn't sleep anymore so I watch a DVD once more. I spent the whole day reading a book and soundtripping. When I called Ayyah, I learned from her that there would be no classes tomorrow too. /sob

Stormy Saturday

It was already raining when I got up at 5:30 in the morning. We have a CAT training today at 7am that's why I got up early even I still want top curl up in my bed and sleep.

The wind was so strong outside. When I got to school, Arpon told me that the training was suspended due to the storm. Well, it wasn't really raining that hard, but the wind was strong. May bagyo nga yata.

I stayed at the school for a while. When I went back home, I decided to watch DVD. I was really worried about the mass in the afternoon because it is PEAC's anniversary celebration and Ate Beth told me when we had a meeting that it would be a high mass. I forgot to remind Sir Bautista yesterday for that. I was also worried that only a few choir members would be coming because of the strong rain. Ayyah already PMed me in YM, telling me she won't be able to come because she had a sore throat and was feeling bad. Tan called me up and told me she couldn't come because Pacita was flooded. Tsk.

I still prepared to go to the school for the choir, though. Pumunta si Mama sa Metropolis para bumili ng ink para sa printer namin at sabi niya 'wag daw akong umalis hangga't wala pa yung pinsan ko dahil walang kasama yung kapatid ko. Pero nung nag-2 o'clock na, sumaglit muna ako sa school para sabihin sa mga ka-choir ko na male-late ako. Si Arbu lang ang nadatnan ko.

It was nearly 3pm when my cousin came. I don't usually bring umbrella, but I took one with me because it's raining really hard. Todo hawak nga ako sa payong dahil super lakas ng hangin.

Si Arbu pa rin lang ang nadatnan ko. Stranded ang mga second year na nag-recollection sa school. Sabi ni Ms. Rasdas, 'wag silang umuwi ng walang sundo, kahit sa school na sila matulog. We could see the droplets of the rain whirling around like a whirlpool because of the strong wind. At feeling din namin na wala nang makakadating. Tinawag pa nga namin si Jas na ang bahay ay nasa tabi lang ng school, pero hindi si makakapunta. Baha ang harap ng bahay nila. Eday was our last hope. He told me yesterday that he will come after doing his thesis. But when we text him, he replied to us that he can't probably come dahil baha sa United at walang masasakyan.

Sheda. Duet kami ni Arbu nito sa misa.

The second year students who were stranded were brought home by the teachers. Inuwi sila sa boarding house nila at nag-abiso na lang sa guard. Yung mga babae yata, kila Ms. Varcas at yung mga lalaki ay kila Sir Liwag. They were telling us to go home and not to attend mass because of the storm, but of course, we couldn't and we wouldn't.

Sabi rin ng guard na umuwi na kami at baha na sa tapat ng Liceo. And when we looked outside, true enough, the streets were flooded. We decided to go to the church. "We can do this, Arbu! We can do this!" I was chanting. We rolled our pants to our knees at lumusong kami sa baha. Grabe, first time kong ginawa yun! Malapit na sa tuhod namin yung baha. I was holding tightly on Arbu dahil baka matangay ako sa liit kong ito. I tried to shake away the thoughts of the kind of things we were probably stepping on. At nakaraos naman kami.

There are some people at the side of the church who we think are "evacuees" because they have bag of clothes with them. I asked the lay minister kung tuloy ang misa. Tuloy daw. Dalawang lay minister nga lang ang nandun, at dalawa kaming choir. I asked them if we could wash our feet dahil nga lumusong kami sa baha at tinuro nila yung gripo sa kumbento.

There are no lights inside the church because of the brown out, except on the altar part which is probably being run by the generator. Dun na lang kami puwesto sa baba.

"Tuloy ang misa; walang holiday sa simbahan." was what Arbu had said. Amidst the storm, I feel a warmth inside. Look, we are facing a calamity, and yet, we were at the church, going to celebrate the mass. God is our refuge. This is our devotion. And though I am not a really pious and good person, I am proud because I didn't not let the storm hinder me in singing for the mass, in serving God.

Only a few people were there. One lay minister was the one who read the first reading because there is only one lector. The church was quiet. But looking at those people who listen intently on the mass, I could see hope in their faces. Na para bang ipinagpapasa-Diyos na nila ang nagaganap.

Tig-isa pa kami ng mic ni Arbu. Break the record. Sa buong buhay ko sa choir, limang members lang ang pinaka-konting dumating, until now. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, kung wala siyang masakyan dahil taga-Langgam pa siya, kalampagin niya na lang ako sa bahay at sa'min na siya matulog.

Naidaos naman ang misa. Maaga pa ngang natapos. Hindi na baha sa labas at hindi na ganun kalakas ang ulan. At kahit bumabagyo na, nagkayayaan pa rin kami ni Arbu na mag-7eleven. Pero wala, sarado ang 7eleven at baha sa loob. Punta naman kami sa kwek-kwekan, pero wala din kahit isang nagtitinda sa tapat ng school. Punta kami sa Mini-Stop para mag-ice cream (ang lakas ng trip e), kaso wala daw silang ice cream. Kaya 'yon, umuwi na lang kami.

Brown out sa'min. Nung nagka-ilaw na, lumabas ako para alamin kung may masasakyan ba si Arbu. Pumunta ako sa may terminal ng jeep. Yung kalsada kila Eday, baha, pati na rin yung highway. Super lusong pa rin ako sa baha. Nung malapit na ako sa terminal, mali ang tapak ko at lumubog ako hanggang bewang. Sheda. Ang lambot pa naman ng natapakan ko. Kung hindi kanal yun, baka yung parang manhole. Kinilabutan ako dahil nag-flash bigla sa isip ko kung manhole yung natapakan ko, kaya balik ako sa may sidewalk. Hinintay ko na lang hanggang makasakay si Arbu.

Grabe. Super salanta ang ginawa ng bagyong Ondoy. The news is all about it. Kahit mga artsita nasalanta na.

Nang magka-kuryente na ulit, I opened the computer. I remember the movie that Arbu was telling me a while ago about the end of the world. 2012. And it somewhat gave me creeps.

English Week

It is English week, and because I am an officer in the Lingua Franca, I was kinda busy for this week.

We had activities and contests for the English week, so I was always excused in the class. I even became the photographer for the events. Yay! Puro nga si Sir Luna yung laman ng pictures. Photo opportunity nga daw. Really, I seem to be whirling around. Well, I guess I just wanted to prove our English advisers that I am doing my job unlike the others who seem to be just standing at the corner *shot*.

And because I was excused in the class, Jette was the one who carried my bad whenever our section moves from one place to another. Really, thank you Jette. And also to Jayson who carried my Religion book and Koleen who helped Jette. LOL. XD

Yesterday, we were the one who led the rosary. And I was the one to sing. I managed to find five Marian songs. Arrogance aside, I think I sang it well, pero kinapos ako dun sa isang kanta. Isang word lang yung kinapos ko. But I've really proven that people tend to see the small dot in the paper rather the whole paper itself. I mean, I just made one mistake, but people remembered it after the rosary. Oh well. *0*

The quiz bee contest was held yesterday. And our participant? Dizon and Mikko. Gah. I kept on bugging Jette to join, and even Jayson, but they didn't give in. Nako, super mahiyain kasi, ayaw ng exposure. So those two guys became the representative our section. Natatawa pa nga yung mga English teacher sa kanila. And whenever they got the right answer, especially Dizon, everyone is clapping and "whoo!"-ing. LOL. Binantayan ko talaga si Dizon because he was cheating! Kapal ng muka! Ayun, naasar pa kami, special mention ni Sir Luna over the microphone. At the end, Dizon got the lowest score, and Mikko was second to the last. LOL. Adrian was the one who won, anyway. :)

This morning, I reported the lesson that was assigned to us in our Religion class. It was supposedly a group report and I just didn't know what the others did. ;___; Well, we had already reported the first part last Wednesday, but I think my report sucks. I mean, biglaan kasi. We didn't expect that we were already the one to report. But I think I made it up today. :)

Since it was St. Basil Odyssey play today, they were so busy preparing for it. Their play was on 2pm. Hindi pa nga daw sila masyadong prepared dahil hindi pa super nakapag-practice. I told them they could do it because I have great faith in their section.

I really wanted to watch but my 3pm class is Math, Mr. del Rio. I asked Mr. Luna if I could be excused from my class for the play but when I told it that my first period in the afternoon is Math, sabi niya agad sa'kin, "Ay nako, 'wag na. Pumasok ka na!" LOL. Mr. del Rio kasi e.

So I went early to school in the afternoon to watch the play. I even helped Jesta in curling her hair. The play started at 2:30. And it's awesome. Remo painted his whole body blue because he's Poseidon. Adrian was Odysseus. And bonggang-bonggang production. 'Di pa sila prepared nun ah.

But we weren't able to continue watching when 3 o'clock came. Mr. Luna even reminded us about the time. So we went to our classroom even we badly want to watch the play. We could've cut classes if only it weren't Math. But of course, we were all afraid to defy Mr. del Rio. x)

After Math, we ran back to the auditorium and didn't even bother to ask permission from Mrs. Lopena. LOL. Okay lang 'yun.

Ending na nga yung naabutan natin. Sayang. I mentally noted myself to ask permission from the Basilians to watch the video. Ang kulit nga nila Arnold dun sa dulo, naging kenkoy. Pero okay pa rin naman. Nakakatuwa nga. Hindi na nga daw nila na-practice yung dulo na 'yon kaya nilaro na lang nila. But they still got high points for that. "If there is a grade higher that 100, then that's your grade," was Mr. Luna's words.

After classes, I went to St. Basil again to walk home with Ayyah. Ayoko pa kasing umuwi ng maaga dahil wala sila Mama. They went to Enchanted Kingdom because Iverie didn't join in the Field Trip. So nag-EK na lang sila ng sarili nila dahil dun din naman ang place na pupuntahan. So wala akong kasama sa bahay.

So kila Eday ako sumama. Pero matapos hintayin, bigla din akong umalis dahil magpe-PEAC pa pala ako. When I got home, I got somewhat scared. LOL. So I quickly changed my shirt and took two pocketbooks para papalitan dun sa pinapalitan ko. Kuya Roger's store was closed, unfortunately. Nung mapadaan ako sa 7eleven, nandun sila Eday so I went in. Niloko pa nga nila ako kasi iba na shirt ko. I stayed in there since wala rin naman akong kasama sa bahay. Kung anu-anong napagkwentuhan. Nabanggit pa nga nila na special mention daw ako ni Ms. Yorro sa kanila dahil dun sa pagkanta ko sa rosary e. Woot! x)

Seven-thirty na rin kami umuwi and hinatid pa ako ni Adrian dahil umuulan. Niloko na naman ako na managinip daw ulit akong manalo siya sa TOBS. He will be in Manila from Monday to Thursday for that.

I am kinda tired today. But I am happy. This week is awesome. : )

Failed

Nagkamali ako hindi dahil sa kabobohan. Nagkamali ako dahil sa katangahan. And for me, it's worse. Being stupid is worse than being an idiot.

I really felt so stupid. Utterly stupid.

I failed in our Second Monthly Examination. Got 29 out of 60. Equivalent to 74%.

And I am such a moron.

The test was actually easy. Really, the first part of the exam was a chicken. Multiplication of polynomials. Shet.

And the reason why I failed is because I wasn't able to answer Test I-B. Not because it was hard or I didn't know how to answer it. It was because I forgot to answer it.

I got sort of confused with the last part, and I got low score on that too. But it was forgivable for me because I didn't know what I will gonna do with that. I just couldn't take that I failed because I forgot to answer that stupid part. Shit.

Ayoko pa naman ng ganun. I don't like leaving blanks on my test paper, kahit 'di ko alam ang sagot. Feeling ko kasi, natalo ako ng walang kalaban-laban. I don't like losing without fighting. Without giving effort.

But there, I failed. And what's annoying is that part really easy for me. I wouldn't have failed if I answer that. Sheda. Dahil nakalimutan lang. Engot.

Nagkamali ako hindi dahil sa kabobohan. Nagkamali ako dahil sa katangahan. And for me, it's worse. Being stupid is worse than being an idiot.

Nakakainis talaga. At nakakahiya. Nung nagrerecord na si Mr. del Rio, sabi niya, "Ang baba Nobleza ah. Nako, bababa grades mo nito." He said my score was even lower than Nortez.

I was a little bit whining over that. Really, I was surprised to know that I forgot to answer that test. Because I thought I actually answered it. Jette and Steni sort of comforted me. Monthly lang naman daw 'yun. And at least, I am good at English, they said. Jette enumerated the positive points about me, like I could speak in good English, and I sing well. Things that he cannot do, not every people can do. Sabi niya, there might be a reason for that. Like there would be a blessing to come in exchange for that.

And it made me somewhat better. I mean, I got to realize that I am still lucky. I told myself I'll really make up that failed monthly exam in my recitation. I'll really make up on it. The feeling of having a failing score--especially in a major subject--is not good. Totally awful.

Medyo nakarecover din naman ako. I am the not the kind of person who sulks over things for a long time. Hindi ako ganun grabe manghinayang. I don't know if that's good or bad.

Really, I would try to make up for it.

Internet-deprived Days and Schoolworks

Great. So internet-deprived days had started again. Monitor cable is being hidden so I can't use the computer even I have something important to do. Take note, it's the monitor cable now, not the internet cord unlike before. Level up! x(

So because I'm being deprived from using the internet, even the computer, I'm gonna squeeze in the things that happened to me in this week in this post.

September 12, Saturday. We had a meeting for our parish's Music Ministry. Because I am the LDSP Glee Club president, I had to attend the meeting. My vice-presidents weren't available on that day so I asked Arbu to come with me instead. It was even Arbu's 15th birthday that that.

We attended the 5:15 mass before the meeting. Since it was the second Saturday of the week, we weren't the choir for the mass. The meeting was supposed to start at 7 o'clock, but we waited for more than an hour because their was some other church org using the parish hall. So the meeting started at past 8pm and ended at past 9, so when I got home, my mother was in the act of going out of the gate, probably to fetch me. Ans she was fuming with anger as soon as we were inside.

She was mad because (1) I came home late, and (2) she called Arsie and she learned the we weren't the choir every second Saturday of the moth and I didn't tell her that. But, hey! I have reasons for that. (1) It wasn't my fault if the meeting started and ended very late, and (2) I didn't feel the need to tell her about that because I hear mass during second Saturdays and went out of the house and went home early. Okay, so maybe reason number two wasn't that acceptable. But even I had reasons, she didn't and won't listen to me anyway, and I got a really awful scolding.

I was waiting for Monday because I honestly don't like weekends. Or maybe more properly said, I don't like being at the house. I just become nervous and gloomy and depressed and annoyed whenever I am in the house because of Mama's unreasonable scoldings. So I like it whenever I am in the school or when there is an activity I have to do during no-classes days. Sounds rebellious, I know. But I love school a lot times better.

So Monday (September 14) was heaven for me. "October" devotion had started and St. Basil was the section that led the rosary that day. It was supposed to start on October, and I don't know why it started this early.

In our English time, Mrs. Lopena asked me to get the names of the participants for the English month in all year levels. Gee I am just the Fourth Year Representative, by the way. Well, the preseident that those joking-around, so-called "members" of the English club voted was... well, non-functional. *rolls eyes* Well, it should have been Ginnique, anyway. So for the teask, I mentally noted myself to ask the other representatives' help.

On Tuesday (September 15), Adrian excused me during our computer subject and I was really clueless. Turned out that it was about our school paper (The Gatekeeper). He was the editor-in-chief--together with Ginnique--and he told me to make a feature article about the new teachers together with Ayyah, a sports artcile probably about Donaire (I already left my former position as the Sports Editor and I am now the Feature Editor, but since it seem that the sports page need some help, I had to do this), and an editorial article if I could make one. Oha! All-around! 8D

It should be passed before Friday, and I was surprised with the rush, until he told me that the presscond would probably be next week or so. It would be a district pressconference this year, not the division pressconference we used to have in the previous years. And this would be harder if that's the situation. DX

Before going home for lunch, I went to the fourth floor in the Extension building to get the payments for the t-shirts from the choir members of St. Peter, and to tell the other representatives about the errand. Labao was the third year representative and I told her that we'll just help each other on getting the participants from the third and fourth year level.

So in my English time, I excused her from her class. We started in the third year level. There was one particular section that was a real jungle. Sheesh.

When we finished in the third year level, moved to the fourth year. It was my turn to speak up and I could remember how Mr. dela Torre and Mr. Liboon's jaws comically (and jokingly) dropped when I spoke in English. Haha. Nosebleed nga daw, sabi ng mga estudyante. 8D

We didn't finish getting the names of the participants because Labao had a quiz.

Wednesday (September 16) was our first examination day. First day of exam was kinda okay, I think. Well, except on the flowcharting part on the computer because we didn't expect that it would also be included.

After the exam, I went to Basil to talk to Ayyah because we would be interviewing the new teachers. The interviews turned out fine. Well, except that I got confused with the names of the teachers that I mistook one from the other. /stupid self. I had to go back to school at 3pm to finish my interviews on them And I only had one left: Ms. Alcantara.

I was late on Thursday (September 17) so the SLTCs got my ID and I had to pay the fine to our class treasurer. T_T My exam on Science was ugh because I forgot to bring my ruler and protractor so I was automatically wrong on the last test. T_T Sayang, vectors and scalars was kinda easy for me pa naman.

The interview with Ms. Alcantara was the only thing we need to complete the article. We went to the newsroom first and Mr. Luna talked to Ayyah about their Odyssey play. We also watched the "The Necklace" mini-movie that the last batch of Justice did for their report in English. And it was kewl.

We finally got to intreview Ms. Alcantara and went home. However, I went back to school again. I had to do my sports article and I couldn't use the computer at house. So I looked for Mr. Luna so I could borrow the newsroom's key from here. I was kinda nervous to ask him pa nga because I know Mr. Luna sort of dislikes me. But he quickly gave the key to me. : )

I was alone in the newsroom when I did my article. I was alone for ablout two hours. There was an eerie silece and the noise only errupted when Remo, Adrian, Ginnique, Galman, and Gilbert entered the room.

I went out for a while to get Bro. Fred's ID to have it scanned. When I got back, I saw Galman in front of the computer. He told me that he accidentally kicked the switch of the AVR so the computer was shut down. I hadn't save my article but it was okay because of the MS Word's autorecover feature. I had resumed my work for quite a while when I remembered something.

"Hala!!" I reacted violently. It was because when I opened the newsroom earlier, the computer was nalready turned on, and Adobe Pagemaker was open. The layout of The Gatekeeper was probably being made by Mr. Luna before I used the computer, and the file seemed to have not been saved yet.

In short, wala na yung file. Wala na yung page layout.

Galman's face cannot be deciphered. He was red all over. We teased him, saying "Hala ka!" Nako, lagot siya kay Sir Luna.

Mr. Luna came back after a while. We were all saying "Lagot ka!" and Galman was red again. And he started to narrate what he had done in a LOL-some English.

"Sir, I did something."

"What?"

"I used the computer... And then, I accidentally kicked the AVR. And then.. the computer shut down..."

"And then?" Mr. Luna asked patiently, his voice was like, 'Anong meron dito at anong keme ng taong ito?'

"And then, I turned it on... And then, I used it again." He said in a as-a-matter-of-fact voice.

"And then...?"

Silence.

I was the one who broke the ice. (Okay Galman, it's my fault. XD) "E Sir, yung file po ng layout yata ng Gatekeeper, na-save na po ba?"

"Hindi pa."

Lagot. "E nawala po nung namatay na yung computer."

Mr. Luna was silent. We shot Galman a teasing look. Tsk.

I continued my work and I could sense Mr. Luna staring on what I was doing. When I glanced at him, parang na-shock ang mukha and he was staring blankly on the monitor screen. Galman was silent too.

Galman said sorry, and Sir Luna told him it was okay. "Okay lang 'yon. Edi kung galit ako sana nagmumumura na ako diyan!" He half-joked. I asked Adrian in a whisper if he thinks Sir Luna was mad or something. "Naghihinayang. Nagawa na kasi yung paunang layout e." He mouthed.

Nung medyo "naka-recover" na si Sir Luna, nagbibiro na siya. "Okay lang 'yon Galman. You know me. Hayaan mo, kapag naggagawa ng Gatekeeper, maaalala kita. 'Ay, si Galman, iyon yung nakabura ng layout.' O kapag ginagamit ko yung computer, iingatan kong 'wag masipa yung AVAR. Tapos kapag makikita ko yung class record ko, sasabihin ko, 'Galman? Sino 'yon? Basil ba 'yon? Ah oo, yung nakabura ng pinaghirapan kong layout!'"

Wala na. Markado na si Galman kay Sir.

Title na lang yung kulang dun sa sports article ko so I let Ginnique use the computer to do the layout. Galman was still quiet, while the rest of us started to tease and chat with each other. Nandon na rin yung mga Juniors and we were teasing Jeje because she types in such a slow manner. When suddenly, Ginnique told us the she accidentally kicked the AVR's switch too.

Back to the top. @_@

Nagbibiruan kami mayamaya. Ang kulit nga ni Sir e. Super tawanan at okrayan kami. Haha!

It feels nice. I mean, having to talk with Mr. Luna. I've already said that he is my 'idol' and I really think he is such an awesome teacher and I honestly want to be like him someday. He is one of my model teachers, actually.

Before, I could really feel Mr. Luna's indifference towards me. He was giving me cold treatment, actually. Sabi kasi ni Eday, ayaw daw ni Sir sa mga madaldal, lalo na at wala namang ibubuga. That's why I wanted him to be my English teacher in my senior year, so I can prove myself to him, so I can show him that what he thinks of me is wrong.

But that day, I got to joke and chat with im. I also notice that he calls me with my name (Nobleza), unlike before that he seemed to avoid referring to me. It seemed that his dislike for me is gone now. Well.. I think? : )

Super okrayan. Pati nga yung mga teachers, pinagkwentuhan namin. Lalo na yung mga matatandang teachers. XD

It was nearly six o'clock when we decided to go home. Actually, we didn't still want to go home, but mr. Luna was pushing us to do so because we still have exams the next day. Napagkwentuhan pa nga ang grades ng Basil. E hindi kasi mataas magbigay ng garde si Sir. You're lucky if you'll get a line of 9 from him. It only means that he thinks you are really good. He also give student works that 'normal' teachers in our school don't give, like the thesis. And super effort on reports, plays, and presentation.

Nung napagkwentuhan ng namain yung mga teachers, sabi ko, sayang at hindi ko naging teacher na gusto kong maging teacher, like Ms. Rellosa and Bro. Ador na kilalang mahihirap maging teacher. Sabi ni Sir, "Naku, you missed a part of your high school life. [...] Admit it, they've became part of your lives."

I agreed. "Kayo din Sir, syanag, hindi ko kayo naging teacher."

He said something that means like I was lucky. Hindi rin, I thought. Aanhin ko ang mataas na grade na binigay ng teacher na halos wala namang naidagdag sa kaalaman ko? Aanhin ko ang exam na madali kung halos wala namana akong natutunan? Kaya nga "naiinggit" ako sa mga handle ni Sir Luna. I didn't even know how to make a thesis pa nga e.

Really, I missed the half of my high school life.

Lumabas na kami ng newsroom. Nasa labas si Sir Liwag na nanlibre ng mais sa mga Juniors. Daya. Di man lang kami dinamay. ;p

Friday (September 18) was the last day of exam. The exams were easy. Well, except for Math. The first part in Math was really a chicken. Sabi ko nga, I might even get a high score on that. But when I got to the last part, I got really confused. And complex kasi ng given e. It was probably a trick question.

I went back to school earlier than the other days. I gave instructions to Argame about the basketball match of LDSP varsity with Perpetual and Liceo de Cabuyao. We were waiting for mr. Luna. When I see Jaymiriz, I asked him if he saw Mr. Luna because I need to use the computer at the newsroom to type Remo's article. He said he had the key so he gave it to me.

Nang umalis na sila Argame, biniro pa nila ako na baka daw may "makasama" ako sa newsroom. I just grinned at them. well, the newsroom was believed to have some beings because it wasn't really open to the students during the former paper adviser's 'reign'. Even staffers rarely get inside before. Ngayaon lang natambayan ito ng mga estudyante. But I didn't entertain the though as I was working alone. Hindi naman kasi malakas ang mga pakiramdam ko sa mga bagay na ganyan and hindi rin ako lapitin ng mga supernaturals, even I would like to see one. I believe that they won't really bother you if you won't scare yourself. Well, the calm ones.

When I finished typing Remo's article, I browsed the other articles. Pinakialaman ko na ring i-edit because yung iba e mali-mali yung grammar and sentence construction. Lalao na yung isang editorial article. alos ni-revise ko na nga e. 8D

Gereard accompanied me during their recess, but went back to his classroom when his last exam was about to start. Bumalik din siya at nag-FS pa. Ayun, biglang pasok ni Sir at nataranta siya. Haha! XD

Ginamit ni Sir yung computer because he would be doing a presentation yata. Ayyah ang REmo arrived later, as well as Marlon. Ibinunyag pa nga ni Remo ang isang nakakahiyang pangyayari sa'min. Actually, kahihiyan ko lang pala yun. Sheda, 3 times na nagyari yun! And they enjoyed themselves laughing so hard as Remo narrate the embarrassiing incidents. Waaah.

Tapos naalala ko na nandun din pala si Sir Luna, so narinig din niya. SHEDA!

Umuwi na rin kami dahil sabi ni Sir e matatagalan din siya sa computer. Niloko ko pa si Remo na sasama ako sa bahay nila. XD

Saturday (September 19). We are the choir for the mass today. I told them to come to school at 2pm, but I reached the school at 2:45p. When I got there, Bart and Gerard were the only ones there. Well, Basil have a practice for Odyssey play and they would probably come at 4pm. What happened to the others. Oh great. x[

Arbu came at 3pm. The others weren't still around. Those three were talking about... erm, obscene things. *rolls eyes*Well, they're boys anyway.

The others came nearly at 4:00. Maaga naman palang natapos yung practice ng Basil, hindi pa pumunta ng maaga.

When Adrian came, he was about to gather everyone for the meeting. Well, we're supposed to hava a meeting today at tanggalin na rin yung mga hindi umaattend. But I stopped him and talked to him at one corner because we hadn't still talked to Sir Bautista about it. Sabi niya, hindi na magtatanggalan, pagsasabihan na lang. Pero kulang-kulang din naman kami, wala pa rin yung mga karamihan ng mga madalas na hindi umaattend. So the meeting was posponed and we practiced instead. Sinita ko pa nga sila Eday dahil naka-shorts at naka-tsinelas, e bawal 'yun.

We went to the church and the mass started early. Si Jas ang tumugtog because Sir wasn't around.

At the homily, Adrian borrowed a notebook para patungan nung papel niya. I gave him my "notes notebook". He began reading it. Tapos, nandun pala yung isa kong sinulat ko for a post in my Wordpress blog. Since my WP blog contains personal things, that note is somewhat private. Well, okay lang sana kung ibang tao ang nakabasa nun, but--though it wasn't mention in the note--Eday was involved with it. I tried grabbing it away from him but his arms were long and mine were short. So ayun, nabasa na niya rin.

"Sus. Parang 'di ko naman nasubaybayan ang buhay mo." He told me, a hint on understanding in his voice. Ewan ko lang kung anong naisipi niya dun sa note na iyon.

Baka wala daw pala siya next Saturday because of TOBS. He was included for the Nationals. Prizes include Php 10, 000, and recognition in school. And it would really be a great honor for him and for the school, as well as for our region. Sabi niya nga, managinip daw ulit ako. Haha I would really be praying for him.

Kaso, baka wala daw siya sa district presscon. E sabi ni Sir Luna, 'pag nakatanggap kami ng mememo, kasama kami sa district. Kapag hindi, derecho kami ng divison. Kaya sana walang kaming makuhang memo! 8D

Sabi ko nga kay Eday, buti muka namang okay na kami ni Sir Luna at nakakausap at nakakabiruan ko na. Before kasi, "galit" daw nga sa'kin yun. E ayaw nga kasi ni Sir yung madadala na wala namang maipagmamalaki.

Eday: E bakit ako, madaldal rin naman?
Me: "E magka-iba naman tayo. E syempre, alam naman niya siguro na marunong ka naman.
Eday: E bakit ikaw, marunong ka naman ah?"
Me: E syempre... siguro 'di niya alam. akala niya puro dada lang ako.
Eday: Pero kung star ka... He trailed off.
Me: Anyway, okay naman na siguro kami ngayon. Kita mo naman nung Thursday, nakakausap at nakakabiruan ko na. Dati 'di man lang ako pinapansin nun.

It feels good, because my friends--especially Eday who is one of my closest friends--thinks of me as smart even I now belong in the non-star. That he considers me as one of them too. Somehow, I feel good. : )

Later on the mass, I saw Ayyah still quiet at the corner. I gave Adrain a puzzled look because Ayyah's still acting weird. He told me it was probably because almost everyone in Basil is kinda mad at her. I didn't have the chance to why because Ayyah was already crying silently after the Communion. I asked her what the problem is, but she won't tell me.

The Basilians weren't asking as I comfort Ayyah. I mean, hindi sila nang-iintriga. And it's something weird. I asked Ablay what had happened and he told me that Ayyah was late for the practice that day and they hadn't done much. And I couldn't comment on that. I know Ayyah was wrong, but still...

Ayyah bid me goodbye. She won't be coming with us at the 7-eleven. Nasita pa nga ako ni Ate Beth (Music Ministry President) about dun sa mga naka-shorts. Pinatago ko nga sila Edya. E sabi ko, pinagsabihan ko naman sila,

We went to 7eleven. Poor nga kami, walang pera. Kaya't slurpee na lang ang binili ang then we talked about the Noli play the Juniors watched that morning. Mas magaling pa nga daw sila Eday last year kaysa dun sa pinanood nila e.

We went home at 7: 35. And I went home happy. : )

***

This week is fool of schoolworks. We're rushing on many things, especially in Gatekeeper.

But I like this kind of pressure. I mean, this is where I am somewhat good at. Even I seem to do the tasks of the president in the Lingua Franca club. I like it. I like being useful. I like being able to help. I like this, because I don't feel unwanted and unappreciated.


Originally done on September 19.

To Move, or Not To Move?

I had been thinking of abandoning this blog for a quite long time now, and make another account in Blogger. I mean, there is "something" in here that I wanted to leave. I don't know what it is, though.

But maybe I should leave ♥ banat ni nene ;] when it reached it's first anniversary. Or maybe on March so college life would be separated from here?

Uh. Don't know.

Depression

Warning: Angsty post ahead. Lots of pathetic ramblings too. Go click the 'X' button if you don't want to hear stupid stuffs.

I've been having severe blows in my self-esteem lately. The feeling of thinking too lowly of myself is back. I hate this kind of feeling. I hate having too little self-worth. I hate thinking badly of myself as everybody does. I hate it, I hate the feeling of wanting to turn back on myself as the world does. But I can't help it. Self-esteem is being pretty much shaken.

Raised in a seemingly indifferent world, I couldn't help to be shaken by insecurities. No, I am not shy or anything. In fact, I could be branded as one of those "shameless" people. Makapal ang mukha, 'ika nga. But despite the carefree and confident personality I have, there is still a very little part within me that is filled with anxieties and worries.

I learned to love myself because at the end, when the world turn its back on you, when even the people you thought you could trust starts to leave you, you will have nothing but yourself. I learned to console myself when everybody seem to despise me, to tell myself that everything would be okay when everyone seem to talk at my back, to hold on to myself when everyone seem to abandon me. I have nothing but myself.

Life has always been so unfair. People has always been so cruel. I tried hard to fit in. I tried hard to belong. I struggled hard to be in the place I am standing right now. But when I thought that I became already accepted, when I thought that everything is real, when I thought that I found the people whom I could trust, the painful realization hit me. I am still an outcast, and will always remain as outcast. An unwanted person. Tag-along. Sabit. Singit. Extra. Panakip-butas.

Sometimes, I couldn't ask myself why I was born like this. Why I was born in a callous family? Why I didn't had parents who could understand me? Why I became a product of a broken home? Why I wasn't born rich? Why am I not beautiful at all? Why I am so small and people seem to think so little of me? Why everyone seem to find wrong in my every move? Why am I just too stupid? Why I couldn't do anything good? Why I couldn't just fit in, no matter how hard I try? Why? Why?

And I've always known the answer to those questions: simple because I am me. I was born like this and nothing can change that. This was the plan for me. And no matter how hard I wish, I couldn't do anything about it but accept. Because this is the life I have to live. The path I have to take. This is my fate.

The depression is slowly eating me up. Outside, I am pretty much okay. But the inside of me is getting hollow. My mind is empty. Blank. Dark. The pain is gnawing me to the point of feeling numb. But numbness isn't any help at all. The numbness just make everything more painful.

I never wanted to be alone because when I am alone, I think of morbid things. When I am alone, all I wanted is to cry. Self-pity is a tempting companion. I wanted to shout, to curse everyone, to hate the world. But I can't. I couldn't hate the people I learned to love. And besides, the world has nothing to do with this. I could hate the world, but nothing good will happen. Nothing will change. It won't stop spinning for me. The people around me aren't the problem; it is just me. Just me. Me and my pathetic life.

I always say I am happy in my life. That no matter how many obstacles come in my way, I could always stand up. But if I were give a chance to choose what kind of life I like to live, what kind of parents I want to have, I don't know. I probably won't choose this life. I would probably grab the chance, even it means throwing up everything that I have. But of course, I couldn't tell that. I've always love the people around me, the things that had happened to me, no matter how good or bad it is. But when it is the people around you that's killing you slowly, when everyone let go of your hand even you want to hold on, would you choose to continue grasping the thin thread you are holding on? Or let go to end the pain?

Happy Birthday Mama Mary!

Yesterday was Mama Mary's birthday. Happy Birthday Mama Mary!

Last year, in our Religion class, we were asked to make a letter/poem/drawing for Mama Mary's birthday. I decided to make a poem. I got a pretty nice grade because of that (maybe because I am the only one who made a poem in the class. LOL).

But my copy was lost. Too bad. Until last Sunday, I was cleaning the side-drawer of my arm chair where I keep my my paper clutters and pictures and I saw the copy of the poem! Yatta!

Well, here it is. It just did some minor revisions because my I noticed some grammatical errors.

I was walking at the busy street
With my mind confused and my body weak
Until my feet brought me to a building
A special place built for Someone worth worshiping.

I stepped inside, feeling awkward
Seeing those people kneeling, eyes cast upward
Hesitatingly, I knelt like them at the soft cushion
With closed eyes and clasped hands, I fell into deep meditation.

I opened my eyes, and saw a lady with face so immaculate
Mounted on the moon whose light is so great.
She is clad with a beautiful rode as radiant as the sun
With twelve twinkling stars as her crown.

She is hovering near the crucifix
Next to the Man nailed on the cross, looking at His face
I concluded that She was the one called "Mediatrix"
So began telling Her my case.

I told Her about myself, my problems
About my worries, about my struggles
And as I tell Her about my thoughts
My anxieties drifts away as I heard Her sweet voice.

"My child," She said, "Our Father gave us problems to bear
To make us stronger for He truly care."
She smiled heavenly and wiped away my tears
And I felt better for she had cast away my fears.

I asked Her if She could pray for me to God
She smiled sweetly again and gave me a nod
I finished my prayers to Her Son, our Savior
And walked out from the Church with a smile to savor.

Because I am studying in a Catholic school, we celebrate Mama Mary's birthday in school. The celebration is just simple. We didn't prepared a class party, unlike what we do every year. I think almost every fourth year class had a party, except us. DX

There was the living rosary the school does every year. And the balloon-rosary thing. Most of the balloons got tangled on the big acacia tree we had in school, though, and some even went down because of the heavy rain.

We planned to watch a horror DVD again, this time in Kolleen's house. Nag-iinarte na naman si Jette. LOL. Sa kanya pa naman nakasalalay ang lahat because if he won't come, Steni won't come too, and my decision depend on them. :D

Anyway, siguro naman matutuloy kami because Jette was asking about the details. Nag-iinarte na naman lang siguro yun.

Happy birthday again, Mama Mary! Anyway, I think Mama Mary is 2014 years old or something? I'm not quite sure. I didn't heard Bro. Ador clearly when he said it.

Be Less Skinny

Being a small girl, I am skinny too. Well, not so skinny unlike other small girls that looked like a toothpick and would collapse after a flick of a finger. I don't look like a blackboard either; I still have curves in the right places. LOL.

But still, I am underweight. I am four feet and eight inches and I just weight 37 kilos. I could remember that when we were taking our weight in PE, everyone was waiting for my turn. I am the second to the lightest in the class, the other one was 36 kilos.

I'm always pretty contented with my "figure". I'm not too skinny (well, for me), and not fat. My body size is quite proportion to my height.

I thought I was getting a little plump. My waistline became two inches bigger, before it was 22 inches (yeah, I know it's still too little). Until we went to Jette's house and saw myself in their mirror. My cheeks looked hollow. I mean, I looked skinny! Really. I thought it was just their mirror or something but when my relatives saw me, they commented that I looked skinny. My classmates noticed that too.

I didn't notice myself being skinny. I mean, I thought my size is just okay. Getting a little plump, even. No, I am not having anorexia nervosa or something. I don't really fear gaining weight as long as it looks proportion to my height.

Maybe the reason why I am losing weight is because I usually stay up late because of computer, and wake up early, resulting to few hours of sleep. I barely eat too; there were even days when I only eat once a day. I skip breakfast because I'm usually late for school, then I usually doesn't eat at school at all. Dinner was neglected too because I'm too busy using the computer, or I'm so tired from school that I sleep right away upon getting home, or I am just lazy to eat. The only meal I got was lunch; I couldn't skip it because Mama is here during the day.

So I've got a new goal: be less skinny. Less skinny, and not fat, okay? I don't want to be fat, no, it wouldn't complement my height. I just want to regain the plumpness of my cheeks and not look like a malnourished kid. LOL.

These past few days, I am trying to eat a lot. I'm trying not to skip breakfast and I eat extra servings of meals. I also try to sleep earlier than my usual sleeping time and just wake up early for my computer use and also so that I can cook my breakfast. I'm also trying to have some exercise so I could lose the extra fat in the tummy (but isn't that contradicting my goal to be less skinny? LOL). Yeah, I am trying.

Yeah. Maybe I should have some little fat in the body.

100th post!

This is my 100th post here in ♥ banat ni nene ;]. Oyea!

My blogspot has reached its one hundredth post after nine months of being established. Hoho. And its anniversary is just three months away! =D

Keeping a blog is awesome and totally helpful. I have an online diary where I could put my opinions, updates, and everyday happenings. I feel better because of that. The comments that readers make on the posts makes me know their opinions and response on what I say.

Plus, whenever I need to remember the date when a certain thing happened (like when I made a narrative report on the Glee Club or when I argued with someone about something that happened), I could just look it up on my blog. Totally cool, isn't it?

Blogging improves my knowledge in CSS whenever I edit the blog code. I know I am not still that good, but still, I learned a lot. I had a zero knowledge in CSS before and was only able to make simple HTML code.

Nakakatuwa. Blogging is really an awesome hobby. Medyo nakaka-adik lang nga. 8D

Sometimes, I am worried because in this blog, people--even anonymous ones--are able to read the things happening to me. Isn't that invasion of privacy? Pero okay lang. I blog and I know the consequences of it. Besides, wala naman nang private sa buhay co e. XD

Well, for me, people blog because of certain reasons.

First, gusto nilang magpapansin (There's nothing wrong with that, okay?)

Second, wala silang magawa at naghahanap ng pampalipas oras.

Third, they want to write.

And fourth, they need some place to rant and babble.

And, unfortunately, I fall under all those reasons. XD

I'm looking forward for more posts of mine here. Thanks for keeping up with my babbling!~

Nicknames

(Copied from my other BS blog because I would be deleting it soon.)

My complete name is Ivy Bernadette Concepcion Nobleza. My mother’s name is Irene and my father’s name is Bernard so perhaps they decided to name me after the first letters on their name.

I was born on eighth day of December 1993, Wednesday at Jose Fabella Hospital. I have lots of connection with religiousness. My birthday is the Feast Day of Immaculate Conception—and my middle name is Concepcion—and I was named after the girl who saw her, St. Bernadette.

I’m contented with my name unlike those who wanted their name to be changed. I think Ivy Bernadette is quite unique name. Well, I like my first (and second) name, but I don’t like my surname that much. I like Concepcion better. If I have my mother’s name instead, it would be Ivy Bernadette Rivera Concepcion. Sounds pretty cool, right? And I would be one of the first ones when we are asked to arrange ourselves alphabetically in school. Plus it will sound nice if ever I get married and have C. as my middle initial rather than N. Parang ang sagwa kasi ng middle initial na N. e. But anyway, it is my name now so I can do nothing about it.

Most people call me Ivy. No one ever called me Bernadette. Oh! I remember one person who called me that—my Math teacher when I was in third grade. But I wish someone would really call me Bernadette. Not that I don’t like Ivy, I just don’t want my other name to be neglected. LOL. Maybe it was because it is mouthful so people call me Ivy instead.

Though I find my names hard to… elaborate. I mean, when we have a project on school where you could put your name on it, Ivy is a very short on and hard to put a design on. While Bernadette is too long. I just use my other names instead.

Oh well, I tried to remember other names—the names some people call me and the names I baptized for myself—and their history. Brace yourself and get ready to memorize them ALL! PWAHAHAHAHA!! XD

* ai-chan - This is the name I prefer to be called online. But unfortunately, few people call me this way; they’ve been used with some other names (like Chibivy). They still recognized me as Ai-chan, anyway.
* ai-vee bhernadethe – I just add some kaartehan with my name and this is the one that turned out. Cool, isn’t?
* Animony (Rose) – This is my very first alias. I used this since I was, what, Grade One, I think. Seriously. I think I got this from the anime Magic Knight. I was so fascinated with this name that I even baptized myself as ‘Animony Rose Delos Santos’ (the surname was just a random one) and even gave some of my friends when we play or give letters to each other a name starting with letter ‘A’. (like Aume, Anaranae, Akiro, Ayasminia, and Azolaida. Very corny.) But I didn’t use this name now, it’s pretty much forgotten. =/
* Aybi - This is actually how people pronounce my name. Like, duh? Can’t they pronounce it as Ai-vi as in violin? Anyway, it’s fine with me.
* Bata - Mr. Dela Vega, my English teacher when I was a sophomore who was the closest teacher to me ever because I am his pet, was the one who called me this. It is because I am so small, and it was also what he called to his friend in college who was almost as small as me. And soon, my classmates in second year call me this way. Some still call me this name until now.
* Bhing – the nickname my mother gave me. Some call me this, too. Nevertheless, this is one of my identification.
* Bi/Bhi – What people call me when they too lazy to say my two-syllable name. =|
* chibivy – Ayyah was the one who baptized me with this name. She combined the word ‘chibi’, which means small in Japanese, to ‘ivy’ so this is the product. She had severely teased me this name—telling people to call me this—and we were chatting in the I:U chatbox when she told Iori this name. Soon, Iori-niichan, called me this name and the other I:U members as well. At first, I kinda have a mild aversion on this name, but people are calling me this way often that I got used to it. I found it cute eventually, so I adapted it and currently, it is my most used identity especially online. It also evolved and gave birth to many names.
* Chibaby – I could remember I send a text GM to Iori and he replied to me with a message like, “Ello, Chibaby!”. When I ask him why he called me that way, he said he’ll call me various names according to his mood and he was in his ‘mood’ to call me this and it is the same with Dearling (the endearment he calls to Ayyah). So he’s calling me Chibaby now, while I call him Honeyori (Honey+Iori).
* Chibibeh – The first name that evolved from Chibaby. Iori is also the one who called me this; he told me because I am small and he imagined me to walk like a duck. Sama. But he doesn’t call me this now. Maybe he already forgot it. x)
* Chibibs – This evolved from Chibibeh. Iori was the one who baptized me with this name, again. And as soon as Ayyah learned about it, she start calling me this, until now (Jeez, they’re partners in giving me names, aren’t they?). So I’m also known as Chibibs.
* danrebette yvia – I just scrambled the letters in my name and this is the one that turned out. 8D
* Ibyang – It was a name that my mother called me when I was young, though I was somewhat forgotten. But once, out of the blue, I mindlessly told this to my third year classmates, telling it had been a typoon (really!) once. It was supposed to be a whisper, but because I have an awfully loud, shrilling, naturally high-pitched voice, the ‘whisper’ was heard by all of my classmates and they started laughing at my nickname. Soon, almost everyone called me this until now.
* ibconobleza – This is my oh-so-plain signature.
* Iolanthe – This is my registered name in I:U (well, I asked Ayyah to changed my name from poison ivy to this one). For the history, see the next nickname.
* Iolanthe Choiseul – My vampire name.=D I found this cool vampire name generator in the net and tried out my name. The name ‘Ivy Nobleza’ turned out as Claudia Tussand. I didn’t like it so I experimented on my other name, trying out Bernadette Rivera (my mother’s middle name before she was married) and this turned out. This is one of my identification in the net and in personal.
* Iolanthe Vigée-Lebrun – I also used vampire name generator for this. Don’t ask what surname I used. XD It’s cooler than Iolanthe Choiseul, so it’s the one that use more frequently.
* Ivylog – As far as I can remember, it was Remo who called me this when we were in first year. People like adding words to my name like ‘Ivy-ngi’ and ‘Ivy-tin’ or something like that but this is the one that really lasted for a long time. Until now, some people call me this randomly.
* kawaii_shojo25 – It’s the one that I use in my e-mail adds. I discovered that ‘kawaii’ is a Japanese name for cute and ‘shojo’ means young girl when I was in sixth-grade (all thanks to Ayyah’s Japanese-English dictionary) and I use this since then.
* Kawaii Shojo Sakuraha – A more name-like name. I’ve always been fascinated to sakura trees so I used ‘Sakuraha’. I also used this name for a chief character in one of my story.
* Miyuki Kanzaki – One of my formal pen names. I’ve been using this name for a long time now. I used this name for one of my story, too.
* magical dreamer – I used this as a screen name in our LAN chat when I was in first because I frequently dream of things that eventually happen in reality. Unfortunately, I learned too soon that it was me because she knows about my dreams. Dang.
* Maple Tree – Ayyah is the only one who called me this name. When I asked het why she calls me this, she simply says it’s because I am small (though I doubt there’s some meaning with this name *shoots daggers to Ayyah*). Well, she was depressed when she called me this—I think. I am her maple tree, and she’s my pine tree. Though this name is pretty forgotten because she seems to enjoy calling me other names. X)
* Mommy – What my little sister calls me. People were always surprise whenever my sister call me this way and I could actually assume they think I have a seven-year-old daughter! Haha! XD
* momo iro yuki – ‘pink’ and ‘snow’ in Japanese which came from my other pen name, pinksnow.
* momo iro yume – Means ‘pink’ and ‘dream’.
* momo-chan – It evolved from ‘momo iro yuki’ and ‘momo iro yume’ and I use this until now.
* Ne – Short for ‘Nene’. See Nene.
* Nene – It was those boys in my sophomore year who gave me this nickname. And we weren’t even close when they baptized me with this. It was because I am a little girl. Almost everyone in my sophomore class called me this and it has been one of my identification.
* Nobleza – What some of the teachers and some acquaintances call me, though most of them are calling me Ivy and I prefer that. But, duh? It’s too formal. I often glower to people who call me this especially those that I known for years.
* pinksnow – One of my first pen names. I used this name when I was submitting my lovesick poems in our school paper.
* poison ivy – One of my frequently used name. This is from the poisonous Ivy plant and not from the movie Batman.
* poison ivy™ - See poison ivy.
* Vi/Vhi – Another nickname when people are feeling lazy.

See? I have awfully LOTS of name. Some of them were from my classmates, but it’s Ayyah that I should really blame more!!! She is the one who contribute a LOT in my pile of names. XD Oh Ayyah, the name creator.

Though I didn’t really mind it when they baptized me with new ones. I already have piles of name to identity ‘Ivy’ and I am certain a hell lot more will come.

(I am just starting to explain the things in the post ‘She Is Ivy’ and look how long this is. It just the names, uh? I still have a long way to go. XD )

New Layout

Gyaha! Finally! After months of hunting for a nice blog skin, I already found one!

I originally planned to make my own skin, but reality bites, I couldn't still make one. Good thing my patience to look for a nice skin paid off, and I found this one.

I didn't originally like this layout that much when I first tried it out, but when I decided to edit it and saw the result, I already liked it. And I am so proud of myself because I am just the one who edited it! I didn't asked for help. Maybe I am improving. Hoho.

I am still looking for an awesome header, though, so the one in here is just temporary. I was thinking what photo should I put on. Hmmm..

Comment link is at the bottom of the post, by the way, in case you didn't notice. For comments and suggestions about the layout, just drop a message in the chatbox.

Gawsh, my English sucks, eh?

Facebook

Yeah. Right. I'm using Facebook now and I'm one of those pretty lot of people who are going crazy over it. Facebook was even much-talked about in school. Well, it's undeniably popular.

My FB account had been around for a long time now. I joined the site at the moment I learned about it, but like most of the social sites I've joined, it had been stagnant for the first months. I rarely open it, I just check out on the updates and confirm friend request. I once tried playing Pet Society but didn't like it at that time.

The popularity of Facebook in our school became widespread this August. Everyone's babbling about it. So I decided to try to browse the site. And now, I've been playing various games in it. XD

And hey! Kindly add me! My e-mail address is kawaii_shojo25@yahoo.com : )


I always see this camera on TV that instantly develop pictures. You know that? The one that "gives out" a photo paper after you take pictures and you need to blow the photo paper for a few minutes and the image will appear. It's really so so awesome and I badly want one! I really don't know what it is call but I think it is instant camera? (It was the keyword I searched in Google)

I heard that this brand (Polaroid) stopped manufacturing instant cameras and "film paper" something is harder to buy.

I want this kind of camera! Does anyone know where can I buy this and how much? Gawsh, it's awesome! I'm gonna add this in my wishlist. XD