Happy-Sad Things

December 19


STC will gonna sing for the wedding mass today. And I am included with them. Yay! I haven't sung in a wedding mass before, and this is going to be my first. Yay! I've been really wanting to sing in a wedding mass since I got in a choir.

So I am going to sing a duet song with Kuya Paul. I played the song over and over again in YouTube to familiarize myself. I haven't really perfected the song yet. T___T But the song was really awesome. Yesterday, kuya Darwin said he fell in love with the song, and he's sure I'm gonna fall with it too. And I did.

I'm anxious because since day one, they've trusted me pretty much. I mean, they've been giving me "special part" in songs. I am not that good, I know that. I am way to far from what I wanted to be in terms of singing. I don't know if I deserve their trust. And besides, I carry Glee Club's name with me. Pfft. Maybe I am just pressuring myself.

And then, I'm anxious because... well, I'm just new and they've been really kind to me. Mikmik gives me compliments, as well as kuya Darwin. And... It's just bothersome because their aren't like that to other sopranos and altos. Urk. I can't really explain it. But do you get what I mean? I mean, I'm just afraid that I might unintentionally give them a bad impression about me, because I'm just new and I've been receiving compliments. Get that? I don't want them to have the intention that I am a "favorite". And I noticed that I didn't talk that much to the girls. I smile at them whenever my eyes catch theirs, but it was kuya Darwin, kuya Anton, kuya Paul, and Mikmik that I talk often. Gaah, I really find it hard communicating with other girls whose personality weren't same as mine, but I'm really trying.

Then, I'm worried because I might be overwhelmed with them that I might set wrong priorities. Yesterday, I moved our Glee Club practice because of the wedding mass today. I'm afraid I might forget other things, especially the Glee Club. Of course Glee Club would and should always be my first priority when it comes to this, but I am overwhelmed by them. I am afraid my Gle Club members would think that I am neglecting them for this.

Gaah. I'm just too anxious, I know, that I'm making unnecessary worries. This things will pass too, I wish.

Kuya Darwin said that we should be in the church by 2:30pm, but Mama wasn't around yet and Iverie won't have a companion at home. So I brought her with me in the church. While walking on our way to the church, kuya Darwin even texted me to ask where I am. Gah. I'm always late. ;___;

Mikmik wasn't able to attend the mass because he did some errand. Kuya Anton wasn't around. Kuya Paul was a bit late, though he was able to start the mass. Sayang nga e. I want to hear their trio of "Sa'yo Lamang".

I can't still quite get the tune of the song. There were still some notes I couldn't get, and I was a little off-tune. It was a bit okay when we sang it, but... it wasn't what I was expecting from myself. Again. I realized that my voice was really matinis--or maybe it was just the way I'd sung it that time--that the words that came out from my mouth were a bit not understandable. But kuya Darwin said it was okay. Like always. He always said that after my every "special part" on songs, and I don't know if he's just kidding or what.

But I decided to forgive myself. It wasn't awful naman. It was still okay, I was just lost at the end. And besides, I told myself that it is okay to commit mistakes during first times, and forgive yourself after that. Basta, next time would be better. :)

I borrowed kuya Darwin piano sheets so I could xerox them and give them to Jas. Kuya Darwin said sa'kin daw muna since he won't be using it pa. I took Iverie home, then hurriedly went back to school. They were practicing. Sir Bau was there. He seemed not angry anymore.

We went out at 5:30 to eat early dinner at chow3p. May mga pera, palibhasa kakakuha lang ng refund sa ESC. >:3

When we got back, nagpractice ulit kami. Mangangaroling kami mamaya, so we practiced Christmas songs. Naglalandian kami ng Ablay and I climbed on his shoulder. Tsk, ang childish ko talaga. Suddenly, I saw Mr. de Grato coming and he looked at our direction, and I panicked so I hurriedly went down. Eto namang si Ablay, nakalimutan yatang nakasamapa ako sa kanya. Muntik nang sumalpok ang mukha ko sa keyboard! I was literally rolling on the floor with laughter. Haha. Nagagawa ng kaharutan!

We went to the church later on. I barely listen to the mass because Eday and I were talking. Adrian opened up a thing that he had told me months ago. We were even almost crying while he was talking, and I sympathized with him. It was the second time he told me about this stuff, and I still feel the same thing about it. I always pray for him about this. Haay.

After the mass, I texted Mama about the carolling. Di naman na siya nagreply, but I still went on. We walked our way to Elvinda. Dun kasi sila nangaroling last year, and they got pretty much money. While walking, Ayyah and I locked our arms with Eday, and we made an "arc" with our free arm. Of course, it hardly look like an arc because my arms were so short it barely curved above Eday's head. Haha.

We got P500 from a house celebrating a party, and P300 on the house where they had the biggest amount last year. Haha. Then, we passed by Adrian's former adviser when he was in grade 6 kaya pinakain pa kami. Nakakahiya nga kasi pinakain na kami, bingyan pa kami ng P300 yata. All in all, we had PhP1, 476. We had P98 each. Fifteen kasi kami e. Malaki na rin ang nakuha namin. >:3

Anung oras na. It was nearly twelve at nasa Elvinda pa kami. Grabe. I never been out with friends this late. Adrian was worried that we might be scolded by our parents. E gala naman ang lalaking 'yon, at pinapayagan naman siya sa kanila na late nang umuwi. So kanya-kanyang assign ng maghahatid sa iba, lalo na sa mga babae. Si Remo ang maghahatid sa'ming mga taga-bayan. Eday was even like a father; he was telling us to text him as soon as we get home, and explain nicely to our parents.

Hinatid muna namin ni Remo si Jasmin, then si Mau. Then hinatid niya na ako sa'min. The TV was already off, and the door was shut. I opened the door with my key and Remo muttered a "Good evening po!" before leaving. It was exactly 12 o'clock. Grabe. I've never got home this late before. I went straight to bed, with the same clothes I wore throughout the day.

December 20

Upon waking up, I saw Adrian sent a message to me. He said that he cannot sing in Landayan anymore because he is so busy. although I'm a bit sad, I didn't dare to bug him. We had "heart-to-heart" talk yesterday, and eversince I became a non-star, I've been quite shy to bug him much because he's so busy. So I told him I'll just tell it to the STC choir.

Mama didn't got angry when I went home last night, and I thought it was over. It wasn't. She was angry with me the whole day. As in, suuuuper. I just won't tell about it that much, because it's really awful. So I wasn't able to attend the supposedly practice in Landayan for the mass tomorrow, and I gad to endure all of those at our house. >___<

December 21

I woke up early today for the 4am mass in Landayan. Kuya Anton said we should be there by 3am, so I woke up at 1am. It was sooo cold outside, and so dark, and a bit creepy. Last time I went to Landayan at this hour, I was with Eday. And now I'm going alone. I prayed upon boarding the tricycle, and waited for other passengers so I wouldn't be alone.

I thought we're gonna sing in the choir loft. But they were on the same spot we occupied last time. I gave the piano sheets to kuya Darwin and thanked him, and later on, he told us to go to the all-purpose hall upstairs for the vocalization.

Mikmik came later on, and he practiced the Psalm. Kuya Darwin composed a new tune, so this one's new to my ears. And it has high notes too. And Mikmik was really awesome at it. *A* Lalaking-lalaki nga ang boses e, so I was joking with him.

It was Bishop Leo Drona who celebrated the mass. When Mikmik's turn in the Psalm came, everyone was quiet. Grabe talaga. I must be gaping at him the whole time. Suuuuper! *A* I was grinning whenever he looks at our direction, and I fought the urge to clap at the end. GRABE TALAGA! Hanga na naman ako. *A*

He received lost of compliments after mass. When we went at the convent to eat breakfast, everyone was praising him. There was even one old woman who said that his voice is so "mamang-mama" (manly) na. While on the line for food, I whispered to him. "Uuy, mamang-mama (so manly) ka na daw. Baka naman mamang-mama (mother). Haha." XD

I don't know if Mikmik's real "identity" is known at their place. I mean, he acts the same way he acts in school. He has... "slash" friends. I don't know if he's really that already, but he and his family is popular in Landayan. They serve in Church. I think he coudl still be a real man in the future, though, but I'm not quite sure.

Mikmik showed as the... "sacristy" ba tawag dun. Bongga nga e. Handamehng pinto. Bwahaha. Kuya Darwin said that we'll go home together na lang, but we stayed at the Church muna. Joy, an alto (I think) in STC, took my number and I was glad because she seemed nice to me. Then, they (not only Mikmik, or kuya Anton, or kuya Paul only, but the others as well, even the girls) were inviting me to participate in the Christmas presentation (they're practicing and we're watching, btw), but I can't. Goodness, THEY'RE DANCING. And besides, Mama won't allow me to go to Landayan at Christmas eve. >.<

"Hanep ah, inaampon niyo na yata ako dito sa parokya niyo." I joked. But they look nice. I man, they're so active in the Church, and they look really nice. The girls are starting to talk with me too, which is good. And I'm starting to chat with people, and gain new friends.

And I think it's good. I really like it in there.

I asked kuya Darwin what time we're going to go home, and he invited me home na. We bid goodbye with a warm smile on my lips, because I feel comfortable with them already. Sa jeep kami sumakay ni kuya Darwin, so we have to walk on our way. I brought his piano sheets because he had his keyboard with him. We talked about random stuffs. Kuya Darwin was polite and nice, and I find it quite difficult to communicate with those kind of people. I mean, snay ako ng nakikipag-asaran at okrayan e. But we both give efforts to open a conversation everytime we have a chance to, though I was a bit "ilang" with him. Konti lang naman.

We went home, and I was happy. Because I'm beginning to gain new friends, while at the same time, serving Him with the way I love: singing. :)